ja

[SYNERGY]

Welcome to parenthood, also you can go to the shops, but it will be the three of you. Wait till other things start happening that affect your life, if you were a gamer that's now stopped for awhile, like to ride bikes or do something out the window, then when they are older your Saturday is now rush off to karate at 8am then rugby at 10am and when you get home at 1 you're like yaaaaah now I've still got to do my weekend duties.

Eh. My kid sits on my lap and plays with me. Also wants to play on her own. She's 4.
She LOVES shopping as well. Especially buying her cereal.

You learn and adapt.

 

[Lupus]

Eh. My kid sits on my lap and plays with me. Also wants to play on her own. She's 4.
She LOVES shopping as well. Especially buying her cereal.

You learn and adapt.

At 7 he wants to play, and only he wants to

 

[SYNERGY]

At 7 he wants to play, and only he wants to

I'm getting my kid her own PC. Hopefully she will leave mines alone

Whenever I leave my desk, I have to switch off the keyboard and mouse. Wrecks havoc otherwise.

 

[grok]

I was a colic baby
My mother says once she put me in the cupboard (apparently not for long) because she just could not cope

Ours was born 25 years ago today, and out of desperation I booked us into a rest camp in the drakensberg without electricity & a donkey to make fire for hot water over the 16 Dec long weekend.

Dunno why, it sounds reckless taking a 3month old there now but I just wanted to get away from everything and I think it worked as after that weekend the colic was broken and she started sleeping through..

The copious amounts of OBS consumed by the parents might have helped as well

 

[SlinkyMike]

We found an awesome night nanny. She used to work at unitas as a nurse in the NICU.
She is super good. Pricey but worth it for a good nights rest.

The only thing i do not enjoy is when i wake at 2am and i stroll into the room to see whats happening and he happens to be awake she tells me to go back to bed. Even if my son is awake and playing she is like say bye bye daddy. Until i leave.

Her reasoning is that we pay her to be here and do her work and that is what she is doing.
Wife has recovered and is back to her old self. I am struggling with this thought that this entire parenthood thing is basically a life long commitment. Holidays are no longer mine, on a whim decisions to go hiking for a day is out the window.

It will get better with time i know, but it is still difficult especially so early on where we cannot simply both go to the mall to pick up some groceries.

Great to hear stuff is coming right.

The bolded part above: dude it's a bit late for such a blinding glimpse of the obvious... did you not plan to have the child?

 

[GoB]

Yes if you have no help, you make turns going out for the next 10 years.

Be careful of getting pets - that could tie you down even further. I have rarely spent a night away from home because of dogs.

 

[falcon786]

Consider using lactose free milk if the kid is feeling upset and has tummy cramps often,all 3 of my kids had this problem with sleepless nights initially(like full sleepless nights of crying for hours,not just sleep an hour then get up type episodes!)and it resolved itself using NAN lactose free.

After 2 years old they were able to have lactose slowly and gradually introduced into their diet.There are lactose tests a "proper baby specialist" can have to done to verify if this is a thing with your kid.Some specialists are useless even though they come highly recommended and the one we went to didn't consider lactose allergies a thing,the numpty.

 

[Nerfherder]

We found an awesome night nanny. She used to work at unitas as a nurse in the NICU.
She is super good. Pricey but worth it for a good nights rest.

The only thing i do not enjoy is when i wake at 2am and i stroll into the room to see whats happening and he happens to be awake she tells me to go back to bed. Even if my son is awake and playing she is like say bye bye daddy. Until i leave.

Her reasoning is that we pay her to be here and do her work and that is what she is doing.
Wife has recovered and is back to her old self. I am struggling with this thought that this entire parenthood thing is basically a life long commitment. Holidays are no longer mine, on a whim decisions to go hiking for a day is out the window.

It will get better with time i know, but it is still difficult especially so early on where we cannot simply both go to the mall to pick up some groceries.

No way, its a life long commitment but does not have to hamper your activities. Yes things are less spontaneous but just require a bit of planning.

We still go on holidays and do hikes with the kids. Just get them used to all of that from a young age. Its tough now with a newborn and 5 year old but we keep busy.
I get up and do trail runs on the weekend and take my daughter for rides on the back of my bike. Pretty much every weekend we will do a walk somewhere with the baby in a pram or strapped to my chest and my daughter on her bike.
Soon enough you will wonder what you used to do with your time before you had a kid.

 

[I.am.Sam]

Yeah all the BS that kids take up your time is crazy .

Like any relationship its compromise. So speak to the other half around these things or do it together.

many couples do hiking , riding and bla bla with babies

I have not stopped anything since my kids were born. Maybe movies and series have changed but thats it.

Weekends are still awesome

 

[The_MAC]

Yeah all the BS that kids take up your time is crazy .

Like any relationship its compromise. So speak to the other half around these things or do it together.

many couples do hiking , riding and bla bla with babies

I have not stopped anything since my kids were born. Maybe movies and series have changed but thats it.

Weekends are still awesome

The kids must simply get with the program -that goes for what we eat, where we eat, where we sleep and where we go - as they get older their requests get factored in gradually.

I found the more we bulldozed the kids into our routine, the more they wanted to be part of it, as though they were suffering from FOMO

 

[Lupus]

Yip
Its no longer your life. Its their life. I am more in favor of the leopards approach. Make a baby and leave. However i cannot abandon my family.

As for kids fitting in with routine. Maybe in a few months when things are less risky. But at the moment the misses and me need to do double shifts friday - sunday evening. With a 3 hourly feed cycle there is simply no time for games, running or anything.

In a few months it might be different. But even then kids and kruger park holidays dont mix well. They cant sit in a car all day. Not to mention our backpacking trips into wilderness areas in Swaziland, Limpopo, Cederberg etc. You cant expect a toddler to hike those distances and even if they can the risk is too high to take a toddler or baby into a wilderness area.

But compromises can be made. For example leave the baby at grandparents for 15 years and then go pick them up when they can manage those activities

You'll feel very differently once baby is able to walk, talk, communicate and just run into your arms for a hug. Things change immensely at every turn, I've gone from laying with my boy on my chest and not feel squished to him now squishing me, simple little things change with time as well. Laying in bed while he insisted I sing him hush little baby don't say a word, and only that song. Now he doesn't really care if I do or don't.

 

[SauRoNZA]

Yeah all the BS that kids take up your time is crazy .

Like any relationship its compromise. So speak to the other half around these things or do it together.

many couples do hiking , riding and bla bla with babies

I have not stopped anything since my kids were born. Maybe movies and series have changed but thats it.

That anything will be vastly different from one couple to another though and not everything is possible to be done "together" with the kids.

So sure some people might not even really notice kids making an impact while others might find it a massive adjustment.

For me it's been a simple trade off of spending time with my kids over doing other stuff I might have done before which wasn't remotely as exciting so I also hardly take notice of it and certainly don't lament it, but things have certainly changed.

And they change constantly based on the age of the kids.

 

[Nerfherder]

You'll feel very differently once baby is able to walk, talk, communicate and just run into your arms for a hug. Things change immensely at every turn, I've gone from laying with my boy on my chest and not feel squished to him now squishing me, simple little things change with time as well. Laying in bed while he insisted I sing him hush little baby don't say a word, and only that song. Now he doesn't really care if I do or don't.

I have found somethings a lot more rewarding with kids. They see things differently and get excited about all the new experiences.

 

[Craig_]

I have found somethings a lot more rewarding with kids. They see things differently and get excited about all the new experiences.

Same here, I've been known to fob off friends and family and rather take the kids out for the day. That excitement and happiness that they express is truly priceless. That has lifted me out of many a day where I have been slightly depressed.

On Saturday I was tired and miserable, by the time we came back from bugz playpark and was sweaty and stinky, but smiling.

 

[Craig_]

I hate every god damn second. Son started as a miscarriage , then he wasnt one and born 3 months early at 26 weeks. Operations, 3 months in nicu. Came out 2 weeks ago. Mom severe ptsd. Gets anxiety / panic attacks triggered when she sees our son.

So she cant look after him. I spent all my leave days and was due back to work yesterday. Had to take unpaid leave.

I am not programmed nor designed to sit with a child on my chest for 24 / 7.

He has severe reflux. Cant put him down, cant have a fking smoke in peace cause if i do put him down he vomits.

Sometimes i feel like just throwing him against the wall. I have not slept in 16 days. I hallucinate, i see double.

And my only option is to sit here and wait for the day i do go into a murderous rage.

I feel like murdering everyone. Or getting in my car and just drive until i run out of money. Men are not supposed to be single caregivers. Especially to a newborn premmie with medications, 3 hourly feeds and incapable of being put in a bed.

To top it all off i have to go sit at the place my wife is busy recovering at. So i drive home to go feed my now neglected dogs in the morning n the evenings.

I just spilled 2 of his bottles and half his fcking feed leaving him with a watery substance. Have u tried washing bottles, prepping feeds and cleaning syringes with one hand while holding a crying baby in the other.

Im so tired of this sht. I seriously doubt i will survive this another week.

I can better understand why that guy un auz murdered his 3 children the mother n grandma.

Ptsd + severe sleep deprivation really does a number on your mood.

I feel guilty for getting do frustrated. But here i am. Just after midnight, with son on chest, waiting.,, counting the minutes before i get to change another diaper, spill another feed. Counting the days, weeks or months that i might or might not get to take a fvking nap. 1 nap. 1 nap. 1

Just fvking one nap in 2 weeks is all i ask. Days are moments. Everything is one big blur. I cannot distinguish between the day he came home n now.

Im so extatic to think that there is no end in sight, tomorrow work is gonna start asking questions. And what do i say?

Oh sorry just give me another 3 years fvking leave until my wife recovers from het illness. Cool thx appreciate it

Dude, hope you are still doing ok?

I thought about this subject yesterday after my 7 YO's piano recital. Was difficult not becoming emotional, but moments like that, where your kid does things that couldn't even imagine he/she could do, makes up for some many other things. It can't even be measured in monetary terms.

Moments like that, you will have many of them over the next few years. It will make your current challenges fade into oblivion.