Loneliness

Zewp

Zewp

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Back seat of a Monza
Is it possible to be lonely even when it seems you don't have any reason to be? I've always considered myself a bit of an introvert, always the silent one in the group, keep to myself around strangers, etc. I've got what I'd say is a healthy social life, though. Plenty of friends I see almost every weekend, speak to weekly, etc.

Even so, for the last while I've really struggled with being alone by myself. I hate not being around people. Whenever I'm alone I get heavily depressed. My flatmate is done with her exams and went on vacation on Saturday already and I feel like I'm going out of my mind by being alone in my flat. This is something I can look forward to for the next month seeing as I don't finish my exams until the 27th. There's people going about their daily business all day long, yet I feel so isolated for some reason. I can barely even concentrate on studying.

I even rang up my ex just to have someone to talk to earlier today. I'm on the brink of inviting a random hobo to come sleep in my flat just so I can have some company. :p

MYBB HELP! Why does a person with an otherwise normal social life start feeling like this?
 
MYBB HELP! Why does a person with an otherwise normal social life start feeling like this?
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I would say you just need something to connect with?

However even being with people I tend to get disconnected and apathetic, it just seems that most people just aren't "there" where I am *shrugs*
 
Go out, don't stay home all the time.
Hit a bar / club or two.
It can be quite fun spending a night at some place where nobody knows you yet.
 
Joh! I remember when I went with my boss to Stillbaai (in Western Cape) and when out partying... boy did I catch on kark!

I'll probably never go there again or be remembered if I do go again but joh did I make friends and lady friends in that "barn" :D

Try that... go somewhere and have fun!
 
Joh! I remember when I went with my boss to Stillbaai (in Western Cape) and when out partying... boy did I catch on kark!

I'll probably never go there again or be remembered if I do go again but joh did I make friends and lady friends in that "barn" :D

Try that... go somewhere and have fun!
 
Go out to your local... I do that on nights when I'm at home on my ace and it makes me feel better
 
It is a life lesson to learn to be ok by yourself imo.

Take it from another introvert that had to learn how to
A) Connect with people even though I didn't want to or was scared
B) Be ok with being alone and being happy with myself

I think a lot of people never truly learn to be ok with just themselves and constantly surround themselves with distractions. But they aren't ever really 100% happy because it starts with being happy with yourself.

Being ok with yourself is facing your fears. If you are scared of something then you should actually do it because you scared of it.

But honestly you say you are an introvert yet get energy from being around people, no one is 100% introvert or extrovert. But generally people on the more extrovert side get energy from others and introverts from being alone and introspection.

Have you thought of why you classify yourself as an introvert?
 
Hew Zewp, same happened to me a while ago. Solution: Get a dog. Not a toy dog; a proper dog, like a pointer or weimar.

I look forward every day coming home from varsity to my little monstrosity of a dog.

*important notes: A proper dog needs lots of space in the form of a garden. Also, dogs always come best in groups of two. SPCA dogs are always looking for a home.
 
Gnome said:
Have you thought of why you classify yourself as an introvert?
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I dunno. I've just always considered myself as having all the traits you'd expect from an introvert. I'm shy around strangers, not the kind of person to go out and make friends and instead wait for people to make friends with me, that kind of thing. For some reason I always kind of expect the worst from strangers, as an example Ill be worried they don't like me so I'd rather say as little as possible. Even among people I know I'm not always comfortable because I'm never sure what they're thinking.

I always thought those kind of things came part and parcel with being introvert. Reading all that back to myself it sounds pretty pathetic, but it's not all that bad. I've just always been a bit critical of myself in social situations.

The suggestions to go to the local watering hold probably won't work for me because I'll likely end up speaking to nobody unless they approach me first. :p
 
agentrfr said:
Hew Zewp, same happened to me a while ago. Solution: Get a dog. Not a toy dog; a proper dog, like a pointer or weimar.

I look forward every day coming home from varsity to my little monstrosity of a dog.

*important notes: A proper dog needs lots of space in the form of a garden. Also, dogs always come best in groups of two. SPCA dogs are always looking for a home.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately that's a no-go for me. I live in a flat complex and the body corporate wouldn't allow it, even if I had the space. I get to see my dog every time I go home to my parents house for the weekend, though. Lovable little monster.
 
Go to bar or something at night/afternoon (don't have to drink alcohol) or just even a walk around the block can help.
 
"Introvert" - I doubt that. I wish my roommate would just disappear - he's ALWAYS there and his damn attention-seeking, stereotypically-offensive gay friend that for the life of his is tethered to him and and never stops talking and the fat-with-a-bloody-annoying-laugh friend, not to mention having to endure their shallow, inane conversations. It's like they're terrible spin-offs of cliche sitcom characters. No, in fact I wish everyone would.

Gnome said:
It is a life lesson to learn to be ok by yourself imo.

Take it from another introvert that had to learn how to
A) Connect with people even though I didn't want to or was scared
B) Be ok with being alone and being happy with myself

I think a lot of people never truly learn to be ok with just themselves and constantly surround themselves with distractions. But they aren't ever really 100% happy because it starts with being happy with yourself.

Being ok with yourself is facing your fears. If you are scared of something then you should actually do it because you scared of it.

But honestly you say you are an introvert yet get energy from being around people, no one is 100% introvert or extrovert. But generally people on the more extrovert side get energy from others and introverts from being alone and introspection.

Have you thought of why you classify yourself as an introvert?
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Yeah, what he said.
If you're that desperate, how about your brother or just getting an SO?
 
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Go read a book, ****, play games, community service, etc. I doubt you're an introvert since you seem to exhibit a reliance on others as a crutch.

@Yagami: You in JHB? Your descriptions of the friends sounds uncannily familiar.
 
Zewp said:
I dunno. I've just always considered myself as having all the traits you'd expect from an introvert. I'm shy around strangers, not the kind of person to go out and make friends and instead wait for people to make friends with me, that kind of thing. For some reason I always kind of expect the worst from strangers, as an example Ill be worried they don't like me so I'd rather say as little as possible. Even among people I know I'm not always comfortable because I'm never sure what they're thinking.

I always thought those kind of things came part and parcel with being introvert. Reading all that back to myself it sounds pretty pathetic, but it's not all that bad. I've just always been a bit critical of myself in social situations.

The suggestions to go to the local watering hold probably won't work for me because I'll likely end up speaking to nobody unless they approach me first. :p
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That's not what defines an introvert. The characteristics you describe can appear in both extroverts and introverts. The differences between the personalities basically boil down to energy: Extroverted people are energized by social interactions, whereas those same engagements are energetically taxing for introverts. So after attending a party or other social gathering, introverts need time alone to "recharge." It's basically a continuum, similar to the Kinsey scale.
 
Mystic Twilight said:
Go read a book, ****, play games, community service, etc. I doubt you're an introvert since you seem to exhibit a reliance on others as a crutch.

@Yagami: You in JHB? Your descriptions of the friends sounds uncannily familiar.
Click to expand...

PTA. I doubt our social circles intersect considering that I've been here for 8 months.
 
Yagami said:
That's not what defines an introvert. The characteristics you describe can appear in both extroverts and introverts. The differences between the personalities basically boil down to energy: Extroverted people are energized by social interactions, whereas those same engagements are energetically taxing for introverts. So after attending a party or other social gathering, introverts need time alone to "recharge." It's basically a continuum, similar to the Kinsey scale.
Click to expand...

Zewp said:
I dunno. I've just always considered myself as having all the traits you'd expect from an introvert. I'm shy around strangers, not the kind of person to go out and make friends and instead wait for people to make friends with me, that kind of thing. For some reason I always kind of expect the worst from strangers, as an example Ill be worried they don't like me so I'd rather say as little as possible. Even among people I know I'm not always comfortable because I'm never sure what they're thinking.

I always thought those kind of things came part and parcel with being introvert. Reading all that back to myself it sounds pretty pathetic, but it's not all that bad. I've just always been a bit critical of myself in social situations.

The suggestions to go to the local watering hold probably won't work for me because I'll likely end up speaking to nobody unless they approach me first. :p
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What Yagami is saying is true. What you describe is not an introvert at all.

Generally you are afraid of being yourself because you are scared that if you don't mould yourself to what others expect they will dislike you.

It isn't weakness per say (more survival instinct really), but you won't ever be happy living like that.

A lot of people have that fear but not being yourself is really more selfish than trying to please others. You expect others to share but you are unwilling to do so yourself out of fear.

People who aren't themselves never contribute they only take from others. So I'm personally convinced you can't have a real relationship if you can't be yourself at least in front of your SO.

If you are in a situation where you feel anxiety (for example social situation, eg I won't share because I'm scared), you need to man the f#ck up and face it. It may backfire on you a 100 times before you get it right but when you do you'll learn to be the real you and be happy without constantly being surrounded by people or receiving their praise/admiration. That is my take on life at least.

Like example: I would start with things that don't involve people at first. Like if you are afraid of going to a movie by yourself. Or I don't know, an activity that can be done solo but you won't be caught doing it by yourself because maybe someone may think less of you. Then absolutely you must do that thing. Go to Hawaii solo if you are afraid of doing that. Then eventually you'll do the same with people and you won't be so scared of being the real you.

That has been my approach at least.
 
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Keep yourself occupied, read a book, learn programming, do something you have never done in your life ever, join a social group, help charity.

If your mind isn't busy at all, sometimes you feel sorry for yourself and lack attention
 
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