Loser BF types

adamr said:
yes she has been, you spot on there ... but if a better job comes along and its good in every aspect of the job wont you go for the better job????

Just something i read on change .... it said that people don't like change even if that change is good ...
(
Click to expand...

Yes, but I would first want to be very sure before leaving my old job.. Also if the "better job" raised any doubts in my mind for whatever reason, I may not take the offer..

If I look at the "better job" however, and think it is great! But the prospect of having to be there for the next few years makes me uneasy, or if I am not sure the actual "job" will be around for the next few years, I may well play if better safe than sorry..

Just my opinion..
 
adamr said:
ahhh ... you are absolutely correct BUT ... what makes him a loser is the fact that when her mum was very ill he did not bother to support her in this time of need, everything he did do was to try and get her out of the house and just go out, when she really needed to be with her mum ... she too has health issues, and in those plenty years of having dated he did not bother researching and helping her out ... so he IS a loser
Click to expand...

Who told you this? Her? :rolleyes:
 
Natasha H said:
If they have been together for ages and broken up over and over, she is probably with him out of comfort.
Click to expand...

Isn't that a bit harsh for the guy? Using him so she's not alone - but all the while keeping an eye open for something better?

I'd never be with someone out of convenience ; really isn't fair on them
 
Dolby said:
Isn't that a bit harsh for the guy? Using him so she's not alone - but all the while keeping an eye open for something better?

I'd never be with someone out of convenience ; really isn't fair on them
Click to expand...

know what ... im thinking now, she just played me, used me, played him also ... should have seen this from the start, know when we met she was still going out with him, and we'd go out and shed just tell him, in all honesty that she is going out with me and all the dude would do is worry that something is up (she tells me this, tells me she is going to break up with him but does not know how etc etc etc ... she tells me he is threatened by me and stuff as if she gets some kick out of it ... maybe im wrong maybe she does not get a kick out of it ...) ...

i saw her as a good girl, cause she was quiet and stuff ... but you know how all the presumptions just fade away after knowing someone and then for some reason you still stick with it ... and go with the flow ... even though you know if you knew certain stuff about her before asking her that night out for dinner you would not have bothered ...
 
adamr said:
Why would a girl choose a loser type as the BF, he is quiet, he has money issues, not the brightest around, not good looking either, he is fat ... over someone stable and just all round 1000x better than this person ...

why!!!???? ... :confused:

ladies you can answer this one ...
Click to expand...

Its not rational. I think the probably is we assume it has to be on some level when it clearly isn't.
 
Dolby said:
Isn't that a bit harsh for the guy? Using him so she's not alone - but all the while keeping an eye open for something better?

I'd never be with someone out of convenience ; really isn't fair on them
Click to expand...

Very harsh.. Men do it to woman and woman do it to men.. It is one big game for ones own personal gratification now-a-days..

Edit: The unfortunate part is that innocent, decent parties get hurt :(
 
Syndyre said:
Its not rational. I think the probably is we assume it has to be on some level when it clearly isn't.
Click to expand...

women are more ruled by their emotions in relationships than guys, true.
but a big part of attraction is ruled by human instinct and the need to survive. those who are superior (more evolved, if you like) would be the ones chased by others

think of the term "nice guys finish last".
a confident woman of value will constantly have nice guys trying to please her because they think "if i'm nice to her, she'll be nice back to me and we can maybe date". he's just like the other 20 guys who wanted to buy her a drink, bring her coffee and constantly compliment her.

now imagine she meets a guy who isn't chasing her? he's teasing her a bit, making her laugh and not complimenting her. instead of taking her coffee at the office, he walks past her saying "hey, want some coffee?", she says "sure" and he says "cool, espresso for me please" with a confident, slightly cocky smile. now, of course he's not going to make her get him something so he'll follow up with "what? you wanted me to come with you? cute :D come, lets go"
she gets up, dumbfounded, and walks with him.
he sparks interest and attraction because:
1) he's different
2) he's not interested in her (she thinks)
3) she doesnt understand why he's not interested
4) he teased her and subconsciously planted the idea that she likes him in her head with his followup.
5) he's demonstrating high value by being confident and ballsy, yet still being a gentleman.

this causes her to think "wow, he must be used to being around a lot of women of value, and i dont measure up". through his apparent disinterest he has shown her that he is superior to the rest. now she feels the need to impress you, just like the nice guys did to her.

this is a VERY VERY simplified explanation and there are a lot of other factors that come into play... ASD theory, comfort, DHVs, kino, false takeaways and IODs etc. this is also why women are attracted to *******s, because even though they aren't as charismatic, well mannered etc, they still show disinterest which makes the woman in question self conscious, lowering her guards and allowing him to stuff with her life.

what seemed to have happened here is that she knew she could have you, but the loser guy pushed her away a bit, then pulled her back when he seemed interested again by being worried that something will happen. that push-pull, hot-cold effect that's created brings me to my next point...

cat string theory: if you dangle a bit of string just out of reach of the cat, it will jump and try to catch it. but if you drop the string to the ground (constantly pulling), the cat loses interest and walks away. similarly, if you hold it too far away (constantly pushing) the cat will realize that it wont get the string and will go find something else to do.
google it, its been proven time and time again.
 
adamr said:
ahhh ... you are absolutely correct BUT ... what makes him a loser is the fact that when her mum was very ill he did not bother to support her in this time of need, everything he did do was to try and get her out of the house and just go out, when she really needed to be with her mum ... she too has health issues, and in those plenty years of having dated he did not bother researching and helping her out ... so he IS a loser

the point i was trying to get across is this guy has nothing ... at all ... i tried hard to think what positive trait if any does the guy have ... and what possibly could be so attractive about him ... oh ya he has perfect eyesight ... i wear contact lenses ... damn he is better than me!!! ... :(
Click to expand...

I think you are stalking him?
 
Heita_Hola said:
I think you are stalking him?
Click to expand...

lol ... nooit!!! ... :)

Dude, don't even bother about the chick. Save your in-loveness for someone that cares for you too.
Click to expand...

im not bothering with her ... just trying to understand what happened here, it was not the usual as per hxc87x theory ...

@hxc87x: i agree with what you say, BUT that theory did not work in this instance ...

he was always there in her face, always calling (basically stalking her) ... thats why it does not make sense to me ... she dumped him ... and he would still try ... give him that, he was persistent ... but freaky if you ask me ...
 
Last edited:
ugh. lame. needy.
constantly being in a girl's face is referred to as ploughing through... its just giving her constant attention and then doing a brief take away and then giving her attention again. its almost like getting her addicted to your attention. a pickup artist who calls himself tyler durden (yes, after the dude in fight club) developed this lame technique. she must be seriously messed up and attention hungry for ploughing to work though, very insecure and such. normally very very needy and clingy as well once they get used to you. they're perfect for each other.
 
hxc87x said:
women are more ruled by their emotions in relationships than guys, true.
but a big part of attraction is ruled by human instinct and the need to survive. those who are superior (more evolved, if you like) would be the ones chased by others

think of the term "nice guys finish last".
a confident woman of value will constantly have nice guys trying to please her because they think "if i'm nice to her, she'll be nice back to me and we can maybe date". he's just like the other 20 guys who wanted to buy her a drink, bring her coffee and constantly compliment her.

now imagine she meets a guy who isn't chasing her? he's teasing her a bit, making her laugh and not complimenting her. instead of taking her coffee at the office, he walks past her saying "hey, want some coffee?", she says "sure" and he says "cool, espresso for me please" with a confident, slightly cocky smile. now, of course he's not going to make her get him something so he'll follow up with "what? you wanted me to come with you? cute :D come, lets go"
she gets up, dumbfounded, and walks with him.
he sparks interest and attraction because:
1) he's different
2) he's not interested in her (she thinks)
3) she doesnt understand why he's not interested
4) he teased her and subconsciously planted the idea that she likes him in her head with his followup.
5) he's demonstrating high value by being confident and ballsy, yet still being a gentleman.

this causes her to think "wow, he must be used to being around a lot of women of value, and i dont measure up". through his apparent disinterest he has shown her that he is superior to the rest. now she feels the need to impress you, just like the nice guys did to her.

this is a VERY VERY simplified explanation and there are a lot of other factors that come into play... ASD theory, comfort, DHVs, kino, false takeaways and IODs etc. this is also why women are attracted to *******s, because even though they aren't as charismatic, well mannered etc, they still show disinterest which makes the woman in question self conscious, lowering her guards and allowing him to stuff with her life.

what seemed to have happened here is that she knew she could have you, but the loser guy pushed her away a bit, then pulled her back when he seemed interested again by being worried that something will happen. that push-pull, hot-cold effect that's created brings me to my next point...

cat string theory: if you dangle a bit of string just out of reach of the cat, it will jump and try to catch it. but if you drop the string to the ground (constantly pulling), the cat loses interest and walks away. similarly, if you hold it too far away (constantly pushing) the cat will realize that it wont get the string and will go find something else to do.
google it, its been proven time and time again.
Click to expand...

I suppose from that perspective its rational because women are going for someone that's perceived of being 'high status' but even then its not really rational to be manipulated that easily.
 
Syndyre said:
I suppose from that perspective its rational because women are going for someone that's perceived of being 'high status' but even then its not really rational to be manipulated that easily.
Click to expand...

Yes, I was also going to comment something like that to some of the below, wanting to say how stupid do you think we are, do you really believe this nonsense works etc

"gets up dumbfoulded because of stupid coffee situation"
"disinterest he has shown her that he is superior to the rest"
"he woman in question self conscious, lowering her guards and allowing him to stuff with her life."
Click to expand...

Unfortunately though, it is true for a lot of woman :(
 
Natasha H said:
wanting to say how stupid do you think we are, do you really believe this nonsense works etc
Click to expand...
you can believe what you want.
i'll believe what i've seen and done.

oh, and i didnt mean to imply that women are stupid - i thought i covered that when i said that my explanation was a very simplified model.
it's a lot more complicated that you could ever know without actually having studied this and there's still millions of parts that havent been figured out, so believe me, the last thing i wanted to imply is that women are stupid.

Syndyre said:
I suppose from that perspective its rational because women are going for someone that's perceived of being 'high status' but even then its not really rational to be manipulated that easily.
Click to expand...

i'm not sure whether i would go as far as to call it manipulation... but i see what you mean. and let me tell you, its not that easy. as i mentioned above - the model i explained is VERY simplified. there's a million other things that come into play and a lot of them cant be controlled. ultimately, she still has the choice whether she wants to chase you or not, which is why i wouldn't call it manipulation as much as i would suggest it encouraging her.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X