Maintenance if child emigrating?

mooks said:
Just my 2 cents here :

I live in the Netherlands with my daughter. When we first moved, her dad still lived in SA although he has since moved to Australia. He continues to pay a monthly amount like clockwork. I have never had to ask for an annual increase (I believe it's linked to inflation although I cant say for certain how he calculates it - for me its not that important) nor has he ever skipped a payment. I seem to recall that we just converted the Rand amount into Euros and thats what he continues to pay (it balanced out because despite the exchange rate and cost of living difference, we have fewer expenses here vs SA for minimooks because we dont pay for schooling or health care).

He didnt see her for a few years when she was too little to travel on her own, and when neither he nor I could travel for work or financial reasons. She now travels as an unaccompanied minor to visit him once a year since the age of 7.

Despite all the financial restrictions and logistics, he accepts his moral and parental obligation to contribute to his childs welfare and upbringing. IMO, thats a good father who loves his kid and doesnt let borders dictate otherwise. You want to be like him.

(p.s. he's not my cup of tea in many many other ways, just as I am not his, but he is a good dad - cant fault him there!).

p.p.s. Minimooks is now almost 13yrs old and misses her Dad, skypes with him once a week and whatsapps with him frequently. Borders and distance have not robbed them of a relationship, even though the one they have is not the one they would have chosen for themselves.
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Hey, me too! (don't have a daughter though)

Good man your husband but with all the subsidies available, is it really necessary for him to pay the money every month?
 
HDS said:
Hey, me too! (don't have a daughter though)

Good man your husband but with all the subsidies available, is it really necessary for him to pay the money every month?
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Hello fellow nederlander :)

Well firstly, I dont claim any state subsidies. Secondly, my whole point was that he contributes to her life because HE feels he should. Not because I ask him to. Thirdly he is my ex and we were never married :p

Does it mean his payment is necessary? Yes and no. His monthly input allows me to treat minimooks to things that I otherwise would have to skimp on on my own (i.e. a better spec laptop for school, a nicer phone or a higher clothing allowance - luxuries really). That is his contribution to her quality of life. Plus, if you look at the total cost of raising a teenager these days (what with orthodontics, electronics, extramural activities, sport uniforms, camp fees, maths tutors, etc etc), what he pays is marginal in comparison to what I put in. And again, I dont ask him for more because what he gives allows me to put a little cream on her lifestyle but I am perfectly capable of providing for her on my own. If he one day decided to withdraw his funds, minimooks would still have a roof over her head and food in her belly.

My point was that I think its the right thing to do for a parent to contribute to their child - even if the contribution is a token more than anything else and even if they dont technically have to.
 
mooks said:
Hello fellow nederlander :)

Well firstly, I dont claim any state subsidies. Secondly, my whole point was that he contributes to her life because HE feels he should. Not because I ask him to. Thirdly he is my ex and we were never married :p

Does it mean his payment is necessary? Yes and no. His monthly input allows me to treat minimooks to things that I otherwise would have to skimp on on my own (i.e. a better spec laptop for school, a nicer phone or a higher clothing allowance - luxuries really). That is his contribution to her quality of life. Plus, if you look at the total cost of raising a teenager these days (what with orthodontics, electronics, extramural activities, sport uniforms, camp fees, maths tutors, etc etc), what he pays is marginal in comparison to what I put in. And again, I dont ask him for more because what he gives allows me to put a little cream on her lifestyle but I am perfectly capable of providing for her on my own. If he one day decided to withdraw his funds, minimooks would still have a roof over her head and food in her belly.

My point was that I think its the right thing to do for a parent to contribute to their child - even if the contribution is a token more than anything else and even if they dont technically have to.
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I hear you. Mad respect to the guy, I have a feeling most others wouldn't do that.
 
HDS said:
I hear you. Mad respect to the guy, I have a feeling most others wouldn't do that.
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Mad respect to the guy for sure. I also suspect it deserves mad respect to mooks tbh. In most cases where the father is reluctant to pay money for their child, it has nothing to do with the child, but rather everything to do with the mother. If the father and mother have strained relations, or if the mother is seen to have a fairly low paying job that would never be able to afford that weekly manicure, but she has it anyway.
I think that the fact that the guy is willing to pay the money over, no questions asked. Is largely about him, but also partly about the type of person he views mooks as.

I imagine that the two of them have a very mutual respect kind of relationship.
 
saflyfish said:
the question is not whether the child is mine or not.
Im enquiring about the maintenence.
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The fact that you are asking if your offspring should be fed raises some serious questions ...
but anyway thats just me...
It doesn't matter whether or not the amount in AUS will be worthless or not... what matters at the end of the day is that you TRIED & ARE MAKING AN EFFORT to support her.

Send her money everymonth & you will thank yourself in future.

Nothing as annoying as a man who always says *I'm saving for my child's future*
If you are not living with your child, make sure she feels your presence EVERYDAY. Dont let another man take over that role. You will be surprised at how much she will value you more. (and no, its not about buying her love - its about showing & reminding her that distance means nothing , you are her dad & love her with whatever little you have)
 
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ice_cubes said:
The fact that you are asking if your offspring should be fed raises some serious questions ...
but anyway thats just me...
It doesn't matter whether or not the amount in AUS will be worthless or not... what matters at the end of the day is that you TRIED & ARE MAKING AN EFFORT to support her.

Send her money everymonth & you will thank yourself in future.

Nothing as annoying as a man who always says *I'm saving for my child's future*
If you are not living with your child, make sure she feels your presence EVERYDAY. Dont let another man take over that role. You will be surprised at how much she will value you more. (and no, its not about buying her love - its about showing & reminding her that distance means nothing , you are her dad & love her with whatever little you have)
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Youve completely missed the point
 
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