Yes the arseholes are definitely out there. No use denying it. But I know how hard my husband fought to be able to see his child, spend time with her, be a father to her. That right was taken away by a toxic mother who has now turned her daughter toxic too. They treat my husband as an ATM, not as a actual person. I’m sorry your dad is what he is, he doesn’t realise what he is missing out on xxx
-
Join the MyBroadband community
South Africa’s biggest forum. Discuss, discover, and connect with thousands of members.
-
Question of the Day: What's the most interesting small town you've visited in South Africa?
Maintenance
- Thread starter Mrs K
- Start date
By this I think you are acknowledging that its not the daughter`s fault. Can you afford the fees? I know they are people toxic people who can shot them in the foot just to be spiteful. But the mum will be paying for half of the fees. It will only benefit the daughter and as she goes to college and sees the world away from the mum might change her mind.
Put yourself in her shoes. If its your daughter what would you want done besides the toxic bit?
Since she is also 18. The honors is on her to reach out to you and ask. Think this she has to be told. You can also set boundaries and expectations. Phonecalls, whatsapp messages etc with her being (even pretending) cordial to the dad etc. Or even attend therapy sessions if she wants your money. If she says no to the terms then its her choice and you don't pay up.
The daughter is unfortunately not entirely innocent in this whole mess. It’s just a very bad situation that’s gotten worse. No we cannot afford to pay R8500 pm. Times that by 3 years and we are talking R255000....and that’s without yearly increases. For someone that doesn’t even give her dad the time of day, never contacts him, or his family and calls him the sperm donor? I am in the mother’s shoes. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage. With her too we couldn’t afford university fees. We did however help her get into an aupair Programme where she is currently working and paying for her own studies. We are prepared to help his daughter and even offered for her to come here and study abroad. That was thrown back into his face. People should understand that in this life you are entitled to nothing. They didn’t even bother discussing this with my husband or even asking his opinion or if we can afford it or not. How the mother can afford it is beyond me as she is always pleading poverty at the courts. But that’s besides the point I guess. We have asked for the child to go to therapy....we never even received an answer. In fact we only hear from them when money is involved.
F
Former member 61586
Guest
This is like one of those threads where people come on the forum to ask how best to pay tax for something SARS will in all likelihood never find out about. Just stop paying for ****sakes.
Beautiful.
Other Pineapple Smurf
Honorary Master
I've an 18yr old daughter from my first marriage and never skipped a maintenance payment in 17yrs. She lives with her mom and my daughter is going to varsity in a few weeks time. My daughter seldom visits me.
Will briefly comment for things I've confirmed with a family court magistrate. End of day court rules on the rights of the child.
TL;DR : He will need to get a real lawyer.
Maintenance and visitation have nothing to do with each other. It is the child's right to have a parent and the court can even force parents to visit their children. Visitation cannot be withheld for failure to pay maintenance.
The money is for the child, not the ex.
It's all about the rights of the child.
Awesome, unless it was the court agreement, your husband will now be paying maintenance over to his daughter, not his ex-wife.
Ref: http://www.justice.gov.za/brochure/mnt-faq-eng-web.pdf
Lawyer up because this will have to be fought in court if you want your husband to win. Too many people cave into lawyers before going to court.
But his daughter can sue him as she is now 18.
Worth the read:
http://www.capetownlawyer.co.za/divorce/maintenance/children-suing-for-maintenance.php
http://www.capetownlawyer.co.za/divorce/maintenance/maintenance-children-over-18.php
True as it is the responsibility of parents to make their children self sufficient. To what extent can only be determined by a court of law and is done case by case.
This applies to all parents, not just divorced ones.
Still his child and needs to be responsible for her. But only a court of law can determine his level of financial responsibility to her.
Will briefly comment for things I've confirmed with a family court magistrate. End of day court rules on the rights of the child.
TL;DR : He will need to get a real lawyer.
Maintenance and visitation have nothing to do with each other. It is the child's right to have a parent and the court can even force parents to visit their children. Visitation cannot be withheld for failure to pay maintenance.
The money is for the child, not the ex.
It's all about the rights of the child.
Awesome, unless it was the court agreement, your husband will now be paying maintenance over to his daughter, not his ex-wife.
Ref: http://www.justice.gov.za/brochure/mnt-faq-eng-web.pdf
Lawyer up because this will have to be fought in court if you want your husband to win. Too many people cave into lawyers before going to court.
But his daughter can sue him as she is now 18.
Worth the read:
http://www.capetownlawyer.co.za/divorce/maintenance/children-suing-for-maintenance.php
http://www.capetownlawyer.co.za/divorce/maintenance/maintenance-children-over-18.php
True as it is the responsibility of parents to make their children self sufficient. To what extent can only be determined by a court of law and is done case by case.
This applies to all parents, not just divorced ones.
Still his child and needs to be responsible for her. But only a court of law can determine his level of financial responsibility to her.
Venomous
Honorary Master
Have you contacted the potential future study institution and enquired about their actual fees for that course?
But further. Simply state that you send what you can and unfortunately she and her mother must budget within that. You will consider future increases, but that the young lady can gain a student loan that will be her responsibility to pay back.
the eskimo
Senior Member
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2007
- Messages
- 531
- Reaction score
- 108
Maybe I'm being a bit harsh on OP, but if you're not staying in SA (haven't stated where though) then R8500 is only like USD 580, or EUR 500. Really not much if you're earning abroad? If its somewhere like Malawi or Cuba then I'd understand fully.
TelkomUseless
Honorary Master
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2006
- Messages
- 16,570
- Reaction score
- 11,208
And for the next 20 years the daughter is "studying" and he just pays. Not cricket...
If there’s just one income then 580$ or 500€ is a lot. Remember... earning in another currency also means paying living expenses in another currency as well. People seem to forget that. So on a salary of example 3000$, paying accommodation, transport, water and electricity, food, medical aid etc...at the end of the day 500$ is a big chunk.
Exactly my point. Thank you
She sent a letter from the institution. R95000 per year x 3 years. Excluding maintenance of R3500pm
Thank you for your answers.
It’s the responsibility of the parent to make their children self sufficient? No wonder there’s so many kids unemployed as parents are enabling their kids to become lazy as they continue looking after them. Geez times have changed since I was 18. I got a job and started looking after myself! My parents were still there to support me but I wasn’t babied. I think getting a lawyer is the best way to go.
As easy as that? Geez why didn’t I think of that lol.
F
Former member 61586
Guest
Yes. Just stop paying. You live in a different county for heaven's sake.
Cius
Honorary Master
100K tertiary education is not a right. It does not sound like that was an option ever for the income levels involved. Hence the court should find in your favour according to common sense but who knows?