Messed up situation...

Rock Lobster said:
Please back that up.
How big is this pool of polygamists that were included in the research.
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Actually the success rate of open marriages are low due to jealousy, check what the OP’s wife did to him she made him write off the chick, and he did because after 16 years of an open marriage she suddenly had some realisation… If he starts banging as much as she did, the OP’s wife is going to start acting out again.
 
Anti-Chris said:
This is not a sad attempt at a Friday thread and I am know I probably wont get any good advice here or maybe I will but I probably wont listen to it...
SO I guess this is maybe just a way to get it off of my chest...
My wife and I have been in an open relationship for the past 16 year.... My wife is a good looking, outgoing blonde and always gets alot of attention from guys so this mostly meant that she saw other guys, I never really saw other women, mainly cause I am just to shy and introverted that I come across as grumpy/ strict whatever...
a Couple of years ago a young lady started working at the company I was working for at the time and I immediately noticed her and was attracted to her, but I kept it extremely professional. The company closed down last year and we were all retrenched.
Somewhere around early February I accidentally sent her a message, it was one of those "asfjalgdow" messages that gets sent when you forget to lock your phone before putting it in your pocket. I saw it before she did and deleted it.
She noticed that I sent her a message and enquired about it. We started chatting and she mentioned that she was scared of me when we were working together but that she was always attracted to me... We chatted and eventually met one evening, I picked her up and took her out...
We had an amazing evening and ended up making out and it went all the way...
I took her home and went home and since my wife and I have always been honest to each other about everything, I told her exactly what happened and she seemed fine with it.
Fast forward to the following night my wife tells me that she wants to speak to me before bedtime, we were at a family member's party so couldn't really talk at that stage.
Later that night my wife confessed that she saw a message in which the "other girl" said that she misses me already and that I replied "Same here" and she felt very uncomfortable about it and thinks that we must end it, but that she also feels guilty for having seen so many other men over the years and now that I am seeing my first one, she can not accept it.
I told her, that our relationship is by far the most important and suggested that we then stop seeing other people as the easiest way to resolve the issue.
I sent the "other girl" a message explaining the situation and we went to sleep.
The following day my wife and I had a "sober" conversation about it and we decided to after all continue with the open relationship.
I contacted the "other girl" and informed her about it and although she was very upset, we continued to chat and arranged to meet the following week...
She cancelled at the last minute....
After that she cancelled another planned meeting and had excuses for another proposed meeting...
In the beginning she used to be the one to send texts first, then later she would only send after I sent something and take ages to reply.
I sent her a text to say that I noticed that she has lost interest and I just wanted to make it clear that I have no hard feelings and understand perfectly. She replied that she was not feeling well and that was the reason for her not sending me texts and that she does not want to end what we have...
We chatted a bit after that and I decided not to send her anything the following day to see whether she will say anything....
It has been more than a week now and not a single word....
I really like this girl, in fact I am infatuated with her. She is amazing, good looking and an awesome personality and I would love to continue things with her, but I think that our fling might have just been an interracial fantasy being fulfilled and that she is now over it... I cant get her out of my head... It might be that she (being young and good looking) just boosted my ego and that is why I can not just let it go.... Is she a "want" or a "need"? I dont know, I just know I miss her....
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Fokken beauty and the beast hierso.
 
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Yeah it’s difficult. You both got into an agreement that requires you to be faithful to eachother. Decided not to be faithful to each other. Now trying to solve the problems caused by your decisions.

You know, reminds me of someone who chooses not to wear a seatbelt. Then hits an oncoming truck on the highway.
 
neoprema said:
Yeah it’s difficult. You both got into an agreement that requires you to be faithful to eachother. Decided not to be faithful to each other. Now trying to solve the problems caused by your decisions.

You know, reminds me of someone who chooses not to wear a seatbelt. Then hits an oncoming truck on the highway.
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When were they unfaithful?

They had open communications and an agreement and they still do.

Unfaithful would have been going behind someone’s back without the other party knowing.

Were you at their wedding? How do you know what they agreed?
 
ArmatageShanks said:
I'm not old by any means, don't think under 30 counts as old fashioned

But the thought of a open relationship is still sies to me, don't want to get in bed every night with someone that the neighbors have been through on a regular basis

Nee man.
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Get better neighbors.
 
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The other girl had the fantasy that there would be something more and you might eventually leave your wife for her.(even though that's not true) that what most side chicks think. "Yes you are married but you love them more so it is only a matter of time)

When you clearly picked your wife by ending it when your wife complained you killed that fantasy.

You won't be able to restart it.
 
to OP -- you got stuck somewhere...- you forgot about yourself... -stuck in a sort of...oh once she has had her fun, she will return to me... in the meanwhile your life is just flowing away. There is no morality in this for me, just a case of someone hanging on to an outcome that will never happen. Advise...clean your life...distance is the best advice, for clarity to shine in and light up the WTF situation that you have normalised.
 
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rietrot said:
The other girl had the fantasy that there would be something more and you might eventually leave your wife for her.(even though that's not true) that what most side chicks think. "Yes you are married but you love them more so it is only a matter of time)

When you clearly picked your wife by ending it when your wife complained you killed that fantasy.

You won't be able to restart it.
Click to expand...

When me and canerat here are on the same page about something, you know you must follow our sage advice OP.
 
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