Mother in Law Problem

Y

YMCA

New Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2017
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
Hey everyone,

Considering how helpful this community is , I was wondering if any of you have dealt with the dreaded mother in law problem and how you solved the problem(Be warned this is going to be a extremely long post).

So the problem started about five years ago when my father in law passed away .My mother in law and father in law had a large plot which was divided with two homes on the plot (75% their home and 25% brother in law's home). After he passed away my mother in law would stay with us for 2 weeks and then 2 weeks again with them .Meanwhile they rented out the house and the remaining land (keep in my my mother in law did not see a single penny and they would spend all the money monthly) .To make matters worse my brother in law passed away a year ago and his wife basically insisted that my mother in law comes to stay with us while they still use all the renters money monthly (none of them have had a job for about 8+ years)

Ok so now you know the backstory and it's being a year since she completely moved in with us .The last year's being hell for us with her daily schedule consisting of sitting in front of the, tv , eating food and sleeping (bed-kitchen and couch) .I have had numerous chats with the wife and shes just as stubborn as her mother about putting her in a retirement home .

Reasons I want her to move out :

1.She complains if we watch anything english , action or horror related (then the mumbling and deep breathing starts until we switch back to 144).
2.We had friends over and one made the comment "why does it smell like urine/retirement home in here ?" which left me red faced and humiliated .
3.We can't possibly go on holiday due to fact she requires daily attention (she struggles to walk all of a sudden)
4.I dread the time she goes to the bathroom/takes a bath because there is always a strong urine/feces smell afterwards
5.Her dental hygiene is terrible making you gag if she talks in the same room as you
6.We had to move our supper from 7:30 to 5 due to fact it's too late for her
7. Our late nights now extend to 9 after she moved in (I just go to bed to avoid all the complaining)
8.Starting to dictate how I spend my money and on what
9.(Almost forgot) She occupies my spare bedroom so we cant have guests over for the night.
10.She complains (refuses) if we eat anything fish related or what she deems strange

I want to claim back my life entertaining friends over weekends , going on holiday and watching what I want when I want .I currently feel like a prisoner in my own life and home .

How do I go about kicking her out ? ( I kinda get where my brother in law's wife is coming from)
How would you solve these problems ?
Can I take legal action to get rid of her without the wife's consent ?

I would greatly appreciate any tips and advice :cry:
 
Dammit that's such a sad difficult situation that you are in!

I get the wife, it's her mother after all. Strong bond, at the same time I get your point and I too would push to put her in a retirement village.
 
Thor187 said:
Dammit that's such a sad difficult situation that you are in!

I get the wife, it's her mother after all. Strong bond, at the same time I get your point and I too would push to put her in a retirement village.
Click to expand...

Yeah know the saying Happy Wife Happy Life ? (Yeah if I just mention it now it ends up in a confrontation )
 
Show her this post .
May be she will see where you are coming from because for sure it will end in divorce .

PS. Remember blood is thicker than water and if you tell your wife it is MIL or me you more than likely will be getting a divorce .
You need to confront this problem head on and you have laid it out in writing here , let her read this post .
 
Last edited:
If you wear the pants in the house then tell your wife straight how your are feeling and ask her
how it should be resolved. Now Man of the house tell her your solution and if comes down to it
mention it is me or your mother not both. Are you so selfish dear to put our marriage at risk not
to say you don't love or care for mother, put don't you see she is playing on your emotions.

If it was me I would of had the old fogger out long ago her hygiene and unreasonable behaviour would tell you that.
My home my castle my rules tough.
 
Reading through this again got me wondering if this your mother in law ... or is it a bat out of hell? Suddenly I am grateful my missus has strained terms with her mom. Never thought I'd say that :o
 
Why a retirement home? You have 3 places available, yours, the rental house and your wife's sister's house.

I feel for you, if my mom wasn't so selfish she would have been living with one of her children but as it stands nobody would have her. Unfortunately now your MIL is with you it will be difficult to get her out.

Does the sister know how horrible your life is with her mother? And would it be an option for you and your wife to threaten the woman with a retirement village even if you don't intend to do it? You might shock her into being more pleasant although she'd still be living with you which isn't ideal.

Build a small place for her on the plot? As in teeny tiny. Anything to get rid of her as she could be jeopardising your marriage and the saddest thing is that she must realise it and not give a damn.

These things do not end well :(


P.S. why not cancel DStv. You can plead poverty.
 
Last edited:
Living with old people is always problematic. How long before the problem "goes underground", so to speak?

Can't you schedule times where someone else cares for her and you and the wifey take a holiday?
 
YMCA said:
we are busy going in that direction due to her mother
Click to expand...

There are ways to change that, and there will be others that are unhappy.

Seems to me both homes still belong to your mother-inlaw.
So the rent money should be going to her and not the other lady.

Best would probably be to put both houses in trust for your mother-inlaw.
That will mean that you too will be paying rent.

The trust can then be used to take the best possible care of your mother-inlaw until one day when said trust can then become your family's inheritance, be it all go to your wife, gets shared with the other woman, or goes to both plus partly to grand children.

Said funds can then be used to pay for good oldage care for the lady, not far from you. You and the wife can maybe take her Sunday lunch every second week. And visit for tea inbetween...
 
You're married to your wife, not her mother. If you wife can't see that and she doesn't take your side (even if she doesn't agree with you), your marriage isn't going to work and you need to tell her that.

A marriage is a man and a woman working together. Once they start working AGAINST each other, in any way, there are problems brewing. Sit her down and talk it through - and don't give in until you both made peace with the decision.
 
Man, your house your rules. Put your foot down, if she doesnt like what you are watching, SHE can go to bed. Finish and klaar.
 
You need to make it clear atleast that you are the man of the house. If you watch tv and she doesn't want to watch whatever you want tell her to go sleep or do something else. You need to be firm but not to rude to keep your wife happy. Same thing with food. If you feel like eating fish, make it if your MIL moans tell her to stop being ungrateful and that she needs to fit in with your plans.

To get her out of the house book a weekend away for you and the wife. Let her visit the sister in law for the weekend. The visits should become longer so that you can have some free time again.
You should approach the hygiene problem the right way. Pretend to be concerned about her health if you smell something off tell your wife you are worried something might be wrong she should go and check even take your MIL to see a doctor.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X