Open Relationships?

chefdude98 said:
But is it healthy to care about somebody more than you care about yourself or your wellbeing?
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Who says he isn't caring about himself or there is a problem with his wellbeing?

You made that assumption all by yourself.

For all, we know OP is asexual (not saying he is just making an example) and couldn't give a toss about sex. Just because you do doesn't mean the same applies to everyone.
 
Grimis said:
Really? Telling me to grow up... We've built the relationship, to some believe me it does appear fantastic. Worked kak hard over more than 15 years building this and not about to toss it away. You clearly havnt even read the thread well.
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I think the commitment & hard work is the reason why the relationship has lasted. I don't see why a third party is needed if the relationship is so solid.

You mention an open relationship and not sex. That implies some form of emotion or a connection.

What is it though, a sexual desire or intimacy?

Maybe your wife is more bisexual than she realises

Do you have kids?
Is she equally attracted to men?

Is she still attracted to you?



Do you still have an intimate relationship?

Maybe you can see a psychologist that has experience with open relationships.
 
chefdude98 said:
I think the commitment & hard work is the reason why the relationship has lasted. I don't see why a third party is needed if the relationship is so solid.

You mention an open relationship and not sex. That implies some form of emotion or a connection.

What is it though, a sexual desire or intimacy?

Maybe your wife is more bisexual than she realises

Do you have kids?
Is she equally attracted to men?

Is she still attracted to you?



Do you still have an intimate relationship?

Maybe you can see a psychologist that has experience with open relationships.
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edit: There is no driving need for a 3rd party.
I mention open because I am not keen on discard my wife.
Its more sexual than emotional or intimacy.
More bi than one realises... but how? Bi is bi but I hear what you're saying. No
No kids.
Not attracted to other males, repulsed would be more apt.
Still attracted to me of course, Im the burp king, and shes the fart queen.
Yes our relationship is still intimate, more so over the last 2 years than ever before actually. Its great!
I dont see a need to see a psych, we're just talking right, not like I need help in dealing with anything.
 
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Grimis said:
No men for starters. She's happy with that for various reasons and other details I am not going to share here.
Preferably somebody who isnt in a relationship, or perhaps another married woman who is in the same (exact same) boat.
Honesty, though there is little reason for me to doubt, SO cannot drive for example - other issues\details which exist in our life.
First time needs to be somewhere close so that an exit plan is easily possible.

Have you got other boundary suggestions which may fit into the explanation above?
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Uncharted territory so unfortunately no suggestions to offer at this time.

Can we better understand the time frame between her first disclosing her interest in women, and her first proposing to you that she would like to act on this interest?

Did the initial revelation come as a complete surprise to you, or did you already pick up some hints?

And since that very first initial revelation, did your reaction change over time, or were you immediately and since then always fully open to it from the first moment?

You have said you are against her seeing other men and she has no desire to anyway. One assumes you see that as a threat to your relationship. You identify no threat to your relationship from her seeing women. I imagine the reason is fairly obvious, how would you explain it terms of your own perception and reasoning?

Hypothetically, if you said you cannot live with an open relationship, would she be likely to leave you, or remain with you in spite of having these unfulfilled needs?

You have made it clear you have no interest in being involved in this relationship she is seeking with another woman. Do you have an interest in a separate open relationship of your own?

Sorry if you covered any of this already and I missed it. Of course, ignore any questions you prefer to.
 
Grimis said:
No men for starters. She's happy with that for various reasons and other details I am not going to share here.
Preferably somebody who isnt in a relationship, or perhaps another married woman who is in the same (exact same) boat.
Honesty, though there is little reason for me to doubt, SO cannot drive for example - other issues\details which exist in our life.
First time needs to be somewhere close so that an exit plan is easily possible.

Have you got other boundary suggestions which may fit into the explanation above?
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I suggest you sign up with a community online to get the ins and outs and probably go to a club as a couple. You are not going to get the answers you seek here. Check it out, and take it from there. You are welcome to PM me if you have questions.
 
chefdude98 said:
I think the commitment & hard work is the reason why the relationship has lasted. I don't see why a third party is needed if the relationship is so solid.

You mention an open relationship and not sex. That implies some form of emotion or a connection.

What is it though, a sexual desire or intimacy?

Maybe your wife is more bisexual than she realises

Do you have kids?
Is she equally attracted to men?

Is she still attracted to you?



Do you still have an intimate relationship?

Maybe you can see a psychologist that has experience with open relationships.
Click to expand...

What's been your longest relationship?
 
Tried it with an ex who was a bit bi-curious. Things got weird after that and it we broke up. It might be OK if you and your partner have the same expectations.
 
Milano said:
Uncharted territory so unfortunately no suggestions to offer at this time.

Can we better understand the time frame between her first disclosing her interest in women, and her first proposing to you that she would like to act on this interest?

Did the initial revelation come as a complete surprise to you, or did you already pick up some hints?

And since that very first initial revelation, did your reaction change over time, or were you immediately and since then always fully open to it from the first moment?

You have said you are against her seeing other men and she has no desire to anyway. One assumes you see that as a threat to your relationship. You identify no threat to your relationship from her seeing women. I imagine the reason is fairly obvious, how would you explain it terms of your own perception and reasoning?

Hypothetically, if you said you cannot live with an open relationship, would she be likely to leave you, or remain with you in spite of having these unfulfilled needs?

You have made it clear you have no interest in being involved in this relationship she is seeking with another woman. Do you have an interest in a separate open relationship of your own?

Sorry if you covered any of this already and I missed it. Of course, ignore any questions you prefer to.
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This is quite a bit to cover.

She's been interested since a teenager, society and its norms have groomed her away from expressing it.
I wasnt surprised at all - been aware for probably in excess of 10 years.
No my reaction hasnt ever changed.
I dont see other men as threats to our relationship because I know her so well, there are again details I am not going to share but suffice to say we are sound in that regard. I think another dude would basically have to be Jesus himself in order to get another look, or Vin Diesel. I dont see any obvious harm in the situation (now obviously harm can be created, so dont take that for face value).

If I said no, that would probably be the end of it, purely out of respect. I dont see me saying no as causing any issue for her, this isnt some desperate need for something which is lacking. Purely exploration and probably damn exciting for her.

No interest in a relationship for myself other than her. She is my life and I'd rather not be around without her. I'd find it very difficult to find a reason.


Emjay said:
I suggest you sign up with a community online to get the ins and outs and probably go to a club as a couple. You are not going to get the answers you seek here. Check it out, and take it from there. You are welcome to PM me if you have questions.
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I hear you, this was more for interest and even entertainment value. The MyBB folk are a serious bag of allsorts. Of course I've also run across a few here who are in a similar boat and making things work. Not like i've ever let some personal life out on the forum so I figured why not.

pinball wizard said:
So she started having sex with some other woman 2 years ago.
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No, that was when we had a medical emergency. Life is short, do those things you may want to! While you can.
 
Grimis said:
No interest in a relationship for myself other than her. She is my life and I'd rather not be around without her. I'd find it very difficult to find a reason.
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I don't want to come across as being preachy, but this is an issue. You need to find a reason to live outside of your relationship. You are a couple, but you are still two independent people. If she is starting to talk about this, you have even more so of a reason to fix this part of your life. I have been with my partner in crime for almost 14 years. I met him when I was in my early 20s. I can't imagine life without him, but I still have many reasons to go on if something happened to him. It will suck, more than anything ever, but I am my own person.

For your sake, think very carefully what happens next. I wouldn't rush headlong into swinging/an open relationship without talking about it for a very long time beforehand and speaking to experienced people. The lifestyle has many ups and downs, and many people who will convince you to do things that are not that great for you or your partner. You need to have your relationship 100% on rock solid ground.
 
Emjay said:
I don't want to come across as being preachy, but this is an issue. You need to find a reason to live outside of your relationship. You are a couple, but you are still two independent people. If she is starting to talk about this, you have even more so of a reason to fix this part of your life. I have been with my partner in crime for almost 14 years. I met him when I was in my early 20s. I can't imagine life without him, but I still have many reasons to go on if something happened to him. It will suck, more than anything ever, but I am my own person.

For your sake, think very carefully what happens next. I wouldn't rush headlong into swinging/an open relationship without talking about it for a very long time beforehand and speaking to experienced people. The lifestyle has many ups and downs, and many people who will convince you to do things that are not that great for you or your partner. You need to have your relationship 100% on rock solid ground.
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I think this might be a little out of context yes I have reasons to continue without her but at 'that' stage I certainly wont want to know about them. We are near on 17 years into ours also from 19 & 21 been a long-ass bumpy road with many a fork. Its all hardwork, teamwork and communication!

Nobody is jumping headlong into anything, been talking for months already and last night after a few I thought agg what the hell lets let mybb have a go at it. :) Insight.
 
Grimis said:
I think this might be a little out of context yes I have reasons to continue without her but at 'that' stage I certainly wont want to know about them. We are near on 17 years into ours also from 19 & 21 been a long-ass bumpy road with many a fork. Its all hardwork, teamwork and communication!

Nobody is jumping headlong into anything, been talking for months already and last night after a few I thought agg what the hell lets let mybb have a go at it. :) Insight.
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Awesome. Hats off to you guys. Please, whatever happens, let us know how it goes. Rooting that you sort it out and get to have some fun experiences :P
 
blindfury said:
al

Consider a open marriage yourself or just getting some at all its really good for the mood. Because you sound really unhappy.
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It's ok, my love life is doing very well and happily married. Which is why I would not encourage the OP to go down a path of no return.

If you are looking for excitement outside your marriage/relationship it means you are bored or have unreasonable expectations, life is not like the movies. Rather than assessing the symptom, get to the root cause.

I sound unhappy, yeah, because you can hear what I am typing :unsure:
 
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