Open Relationships?

Grimis

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So yah, thought I'd be random on Monday night for you kind and certainly not so kind folk, or myself, who really knows right?

Any of you married gents have your ladies asking you if they may be open to being in a relationship with another lady (specifically of the same sex)?

Personally I am all for it, though not for my own personal reasons. Not interested in triads, threesomes etc, naturally I feel my partner should be able to do what she'd like to do with her life, its taken her a long time to fully admit there are desires - and those desires do not extend to other males, she is quite adamant and I have no reason whatsoever to doubt. I'll reiterate, I am not interested in being involved, purely her happiness, not mine.

I'd prefer she be as happy as possible, and there are certainly not any 'issues' at home driving this (quite the contrary), just the willingness to be open and share.

Research on the subject ends up at 'ethical non-monogamy' which sounds apt, (such a degree of freedom would I expect require some boundaries) -and plenty couples looking for 'unicorns' which I can see as men will be men. The unicorns (which dont exist) are the 2nd lady who's just magically going to be into both of partners, and you'll all live happily till the end of your days.

The rub appears to be how does she meet other people open to such a mindset, there dont exactly appear to be communities on the subject?

So yes, I came to you fine folk of MyBb for some banter on the subject. Trolls gonna have a field day I expect, and I didnt post on Friday cause its serious :)
 

netstrider

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A rather unnatural concept to me. Not trolling, simply saying I can't help you.
 

scudsucker

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Not into that myself but I have friends who are.

You are going to need a strong relationship to cope with another person in the mix. It gets complicated.
 

Polymathic

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The amount of effort one has to put into it is not worth the effort IMO. Though I feel the same way about casual relationships.
 

MEIOT

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Personally I am all for it, though not for my own personal reasons. Not interested in triads, threesomes etc,

I'll reiterate, I am not interested in being involved, purely her happiness, not mine.
I don't believe this for a nanosecond. Honesty is the best policy....to thine own self be true :laugh:
 

RazedInBlack

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So yes, I came to you fine folk of MyBb for some banter on the subject. Trolls gonna have a field day I expect, and I didnt post on Friday cause its serious :)
Doesn't sound that serious if you're asking for some banter on myBB.

I feel my partner should be able to do what she'd like to do with her life, its taken her a long time to fully admit there are desires - and those desires do not extend to other males
So, you and two females?
 

gamer16

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Not that I have any experience with this particular subject but I would imagine that should things go wrong with the relationship between your missus and the missuses new missus, that would create a vast amount of problems at home.
 

TelkomUseless

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If your wife bi? Gay ?

But all I read about it set hard boundaries, set the rules etc. Go to reddit and read on it... people get burned quickly and relationships crash and burn if people don't stick to it.

Good luck!
 

Nick333

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So, OP, do you get to have a side chick or dude? How important is your happiness to your SO? Not very I'm guessing.
 

Asgard85

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With 4 in 10 marriages in South Africa ending in divorce before the 10th anniversary according to StatsSA perhaps there is something to be said for altering the operation of a marriage to a situation which, for as long as both parties agree and are content with the arrangement, effectively removes the possibility of cheating. Something I understand to be significant cause of friction.
Setting and sticking to agreed rules and limit and managing jealousy would be key, of course.
 

Nick333

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If your wife bi? Gay ?

But all I read about it set hard boundaries, set the rules etc. Go to reddit and read on it... people get burned quickly and relationships crash and burn if people don't stick to it.

Good luck!
The best boundary would be to not be in a relationship with someone who wants to be in a relationship with other people.

Putting other people's happiness ahead of your own, or deriving your happiness from the happiness of your partner is nonsense.

Sorry, OP, but this makes you a cuck. You need to think long and hard about things.
 

TelkomUseless

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The best boundary would be to not be in a relationship with someone who wants to be in a relationship with other people.

Putting other people's happiness ahead of your own, or deriving your happiness from the happiness of your partner is nonsense.

Sorry, OP, but this makes you a cuck. You need to think long and hard about things.
I sort of agree. But I have read about people being BI etc and wants to bang same sex (and it works for them) . People are way too different just to say NO. But it's true, if OP doesn't want open relationship, it's his right too.

So yea.. have an open mind. We don't have the full details of his relationship.. so don't judge him.
 

Nick333

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With 4 in 10 marriages in South Africa ending in divorce before the 10th anniversary according to StatsSA perhaps there is something to be said for altering the operation of a marriage to a situation which, for as long as both parties agree and are content with the arrangement, effectively removes the possibility of cheating. Something I understand to be significant cause of friction.
Setting and sticking to agreed rules and limit and managing jealousy would be key, of course.
So, if 4 out of 10 people bought a new car everytime their car broke down, you'd think adding more wheels to cars might be a better solution than fixing cars?
 

Nick333

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I sort of agree. But I have read about people being BI etc and wants to bang same sex (and it works for them) . People are way too different just to say NO. But it's true, if OP doesn't want open relationship, it's his right too.

So yea.. have an open mind. We don't have the full details of his relationship.. so don't judge him.
I'm being a bit harsh, but I honestly think open relationships or having multiple SO's (especially for women) is BS. If I was to wager on it, I'd bet the OP is just to weak to put his foot down and tell his SO her happiness isn't paramount. He's probably so scared of losing her that he's unwilling to risk losing her by telling her no about anything or just admitting he's not enough for her. In fact he's probably not enough because he's weak. Judgemental, but that's my judgement for his (and everyone else's) consideration (judgement).
 

Asgard85

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So, if 4 out of 10 people bought a new car everytime their car broke down, you'd think adding more wheels to cars might be a better solution than fixing cars?
No, but each relationship is clearly different. One size doesn't fit all.

As things stand it would appear that for many people marriage is not what they thought or hoped it would be - maybe some of those would benefit from a modification to it. The alternative is as usual divorce but maybe for some folks they prefer to explore alternatives rather then end things.

I'm simply suggesting that perhaps the puritanical / biblical definition doesn't work for everyone, and if that is the case then they should be free to define what does work for them. The next person may not understand but then the next person is not behind their closed doors. We can make all kinds of assumptions about the character of each person in the OP's relationship but it's frankly irrelevant what we say - only they can answer themselves on the matter.
 
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Dr.G

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Check out the episode on Monogamy by the 'Explained' series on Netflix
 

TelkomUseless

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I'm being a bit harsh, but I honestly think open relationships or having multiple SO's (especially for women) is BS. If I was to wager on it, I'd bet the OP is just to weak to put his foot down and tell his SO her happiness isn't paramount. He's probably so scared of losing her that he's unwilling to risk losing her by telling her no about anything or just admitting he's not enough for her. In fact he's probably not enough because he's weak. Judgemental, but that's my judgement for his (and everyone else's) consideration (judgement).
You have a good point (and assume the same). But just maybe it's not the situation. He needs to research this , and make sure if he does go along, he is prepared,

Browsing reddit relationship advice opened my eyes. People fcking up, but people getting good results too. Some solid advice from people in same scenarios etc.
 

Nick333

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No, but each relationship is clearly different. One size doesn't fit all.

As things stand it would appear that for many people marriage is not what they thought or hoped it would be - maybe some of those would benefit from a modification to it. The alternative is as usual divorce but maybe for some folks they prefer to explore alternatives rather then end things.

I'm simply suggesting that perhaps the puritanical / biblical definition doesn't work for everyone, and if that is the case then they should be free to define what does work for them. The next person may not understand but then the next person is not behind their closed doors. We can make all kinds of assumptions about the character of each person in the OP's relationship but it's frankly irrelevant what we say - only they can answer themselves on the matter.
I'm not judging based on a belief that the religious model for marriage is the best or only - although I do believe that - I'm judging on the impression that the OP is willing to do or allow anything to keep his SO happy.
 
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