Open Relationships?

Hagu13 said:
A lot of sense in your posts.
In my experience most women (and a higher proportion of men than will admit) are bisexual. So if are in a relationship with such a person, why insist that they shut down that side of their sexuality? In fact, like expecting teenagers to abstain, it's just not going to work. Either they will do so and be unhappy which may cause them to leave the relationship, or they will get their kicks behind your back. Even if you never find out there will be strain on the relationship from guilt and secrets.
In my relationship we are headed towards marriage as we are very close, share the same interests and function very well as a team and it would offer more security and continuity for my child if something should happen to me. That said we have been non monogamous from day 1 (well ok day 8 actually). We only play together which eliminates the jealousy if one partner is out on a date without the other.
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I'm not sure sexuality really makes much difference to the equation short of it sometimes being easier for the other partner to "let go" if it's a same-sex attraction rather than one the same as their own where they would need to compete.

Especially when it's a male that is expected to allow things, they struggle to deal with another man getting it on with their wife.

Some people are able to be monogamous for life without feeling the need to stray, and that's fine for them. Most of us don't seem to be able to do that. So if a couple is ok to admit and embrace that I say go ahead. But relationships are harder than being single. Open relationships/swinging are harder still. Polyamory is probably the hardest.
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I just wonder how many of those aren't truly happy with themselves and simply suffer through it and how many are legitimately fine with it.

You are right on one thing though and that's the fact that it's harder (and that's not a pun) to be in an open relationship and not the cop out easy path most people would think it is.

Polyamory is different and I kind of think the next evolution of an open or rather non-binary relationship where the third party becomes part of the family nucleus and everyone works together as part of the same team. My wife and I would have loved a second wife in the house just to make it easier to get **** done and this is actually a non-sexual concept.
 
My 2c... bad idea.

Suggestion... cut back on the soy lattes /shrug

Edit: Alternatively, you can go for it and I'll wait for the inevitable 'my wifes boyfriend seems upset with me, what did I do wrong' thread

:p
 
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Open relationship as in free to date other people, or just sleep with them?

Women cannot separate out sex from the emotions as easily as men can. The OP's wife/girlfriend will eventually develop emotions for whomever she chooses to engage with.

I know of couples who swing together, and are happily married, and it works for them, and enhances their relationship. They however have very, very strong boundaries and rules, and are fully committed to EACH OTHER. Not one partner saying she can do what she wants because he wants her to be happy. This is a surefire path to resentment. And, sorry, if you think that you are not that type, then maybe you are not that invested in your s/o?

I suggest the OP reach out to someone established in a swinging community and have a discussion with them.
 
Honey Badger said:
Yeah, but she has brought it up, so who says she hasn't tried it yet.

The best advice I can give you OP is that one day if she comes home late again, wait until she sleeps then smell her bottom lips as well as the top ones. If they smell the same, we have bad news for you.

To get things even, you then have to meet up with this third party. If you enjoy it, don't stop.

Congratulations, all three of you now have two partners without the other knowing.

Win-win-win
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I'm tired enough keeping one happy, no fckng way would I want to have more. More women, more problems.

Edit: f it, and potentially an extra set of in-laws. No thank you.
 
STS said:
That is a lot of assuming from the little that he shared. We don't know either people, their relationship or their situation. Why would the OP be weak for feeling secure in his relationship?

The OP is right in two regards, not telling his wife what to do AND supporting her. Even if someone doesn't support their wife, the very least they could do is not order them round like property
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I'd bet real money that I'm right. People are not unique little flowers. We're predictable.
 
Bad idea. If your wife/partner is boring, divorce him/her and get another one, then divorce the next one when they get boring, get the idea?

Grow up and get to a point in your life where you realise that you are building a relationship for life here, not a frickin fantasy life of all your favourite things (which by the way is very achievable with a single partner, that and more).
 
Nick333 said:
I'd bet real money that I'm right. People are not unique little flowers. We're predictable.
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Yes we are unique little flowers, which is why we have 1000 arguments on mybb every day. 2 people that agree on 10 topics will disagree on 10 other topics tomorrow.

Guy asked for advice, not judgement or bets
 
Nick333 said:
The best boundary would be to not be in a relationship with someone who wants to be in a relationship with other people.

Putting other people's happiness ahead of your own, or deriving your happiness from the happiness of your partner is nonsense.

Sorry, OP, but this makes you a cuck. You need to think long and hard about things.
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Some men get off on Bulls(hunky men) doing their wives thou.
 
The_MAC said:
Bad idea. If your wife/partner is boring, divorce him/her and get another one, then divorce the next one when they get boring, get the idea?

Grow up and get to a point in your life where you realise that you are building a relationship for life here, not a frickin fantasy life of all your favourite things (which by the way is very achievable with a single partner, that and more).
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That sounds like a really expensive idea of holding relationships. Why do people have to get divorced and married to appease total strangers who won't give them a second thought ever again?
 
STS said:
That sounds like a really expensive idea of holding relationships. Why do people have to get divorced and married to appease total strangers who won't give them a second thought ever again?
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It was just a general statement where people in married and unmarried relationships are looking for approval to become swingers.
 
Nick333 said:
I'm being a bit harsh, but I honestly think open relationships or having multiple SO's (especially for women) is BS. If I was to wager on it, I'd bet the OP is just to weak to put his foot down and tell his SO her happiness isn't paramount. He's probably so scared of losing her that he's unwilling to risk losing her by telling her no about anything or just admitting he's not enough for her. In fact he's probably not enough because he's weak. Judgemental, but that's my judgement for his (and everyone else's) consideration (judgement).
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Oh please man. He probably a typical man that wants to live out his caveman fantasies and watch 2 women have sex.

The way straight men fetishize gay & bi women is kinda creepy.

Btw I have seen this happen when I go out with a lipstick lesbian couple i socialise with.
 
SauRoNZA said:
I'm not sure sexuality really makes much difference to the equation short of it sometimes being easier for the other partner to "let go" if it's a same-sex attraction rather than one the same as their own where they would need to compete.

Especially when it's a male that is expected to allow things, they struggle to deal with another man getting it on with their wife.



I just wonder how many of those aren't truly happy with themselves and simply suffer through it and how many are legitimately fine with it.

You are right on one thing though and that's the fact that it's harder (and that's not a pun) to be in an open relationship and not the cop out easy path most people would think it is.

Polyamory is different and I kind of think the next evolution of an open or rather non-binary relationship where the third party becomes part of the family nucleus and everyone works together as part of the same team. My wife and I would have loved a second wife in the house just to make it easier to get **** done and this is actually a non-sexual concept.
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Yes agreed. I was referring to the OP's case but your point is valid.
I feel that the rules should be the same for both sides. In my case my partner is bi so she gets to play both sides. I don't insist that she gets all her heterosexual sex from me, just like she doesn't expect me to get all mine from her
 
Sensorei said:
So she wants the emotional involvement of another relationship plus the sex with another woman? I know people who do the swinging thing which imo is far safer as far as jealousy and avoiding the complications of one partner being in love with 2 people.

Letting her have an open relationship is looking for trouble. She will fall in love with the other woman and want to spend more time with her, while trying to justify that she still loves you as well.
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What is the difference between swinging & an open relationship?
 
chefdude98 said:
The way straight men fetishize gay & bi women is kinda creepy.
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https://metro.co.uk/2018/07/12/many-women-watching-male-gay-porn-7700321/

Porn for women is often thin on the ground, especially if you don’t want to pay to watch. That’s why more and more women are forgoing straight porn to find something that does work for them – gay porn featuring men only.

Pornhub stats (link is NSFW) show that women are 69% (nice) more likely to watch gay male porn than men, and it’s the most watched category for women over 45.

It’s more common for the 18-24 age group to watch gay porn, with over 40% of the women who do so falling into that bracket. In terms of what women are searching for within this category, the terms ‘black’, ‘straight guys’, ‘daddy’, ‘bareback’, and ‘big dick’ are the top five.
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Damn these creepy women fetishizing these gay men.
 
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