Partner's health issues affecting relationship.

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Gruntled

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We've been married for over ten years. We are in our thirties. Wife is a few years older than me and has a few ongoing health problems. I don't want to come across as unsympathetic but it is difficult to be supportive of somebody who is constantly complaining about their health on a daily basis. In fact, it is generally several complaints per day.
Once one issue has been resolved, the next thing seems to come up from various sicknesses to various aches, pains and injuries. We have decent medical aid but it's practically used up for this year with all the doc, physio and pharmacy visits.
I can't help but suspect that she is a bit of a hypochondriac and for whatever reason often thinks that even the doctors diagnosis are wrong because whatever treatment is prescribed doesn't usually work. She is also very fond of googling things and comping up with diagnosis herself. To be honest, I can't remember a day that she has not been sick or in pain during the past eight months.
Sadly she does also have some genuine, confirmed medical problems which makes it difficult to understand when a particular complaint might be legit, slightly exaggerated or even possibly psychosomatic. I realise that perhaps we must speak to a therapist to determine whether there is a non-physical cause for all of this but she is and has always been very closed off to the idea of seeing a psychologist even though she has also faced some depression previously in her life.
I don't really know what I'm going to get from posting this on a discussion board like this but maybe I just need to vent. Maybe someone can identify with this problem and I'll know I'm not alone. Maybe there's even some good advice to be had.
Anyways. Bye for now.
 
On the topic of complaining...

I've noticed a difference between how kids respond to injury and how (some) adults respond to injury, especially the older they get:

Kid: Hurt, cry, get on with life.
Adult: Hurt, spend more time thinking about the injury and constructing narratives about what it might be, what it means if it doesn't heal etc.

There's a tendency in adults to have:
a.) The injury, plus
b.) Stress and a usually negative narrative about the injury.

When the zebra is no longer being chased by a lion its body drops out of fight / flight and goes back into it's default state in which it isn't imposing stress, tension & constriction on itself which might hinder the process of healing and recovery. Once the lion is gone, the lion departs from the mind of the zebra and the zebra defaults to its optimal physiological state.

I think adults screw themselves over to certain degrees by wallowing in psychological patterns that induce physiological changes and stresses: Tightness in the body, shallow breath etc. If you want your body to deal with what ails you in the best way possible, then stop interfering with your bodies ability to do so.
 
saor said:
On this topic...

I've noticed a difference between how kids respond to injury and how (some) adults respond to injury, especially the older they get:

Kid: Hurt, cry, get on with life.
Adult: Hurt, spend more time thinking about the injury and constructing narratives about what it might be, what it means if it doesn't heal etc.

There's a tendency in adults to have:
a.) The injury, plus
b.) Stress and a usually negative narrative about the injury.

When the zebra is no longer being chased by a lion its body drops out of fight / flight and goes back into it's default state in which it isn't imposing stress, tension, constriction etc. on itself which might hinder the process of healing and recovery. Once the lion is gone, it departs from the mind of the zebra and its body defaults to its optimal physiological state.

I think adults screw themselves over to certain degrees by wallowing in psychological patterns that induce physiological changes and stresses: Tightness in the body, shallow breath etc. If you want your body to deal with what ails you in the best way possible, then stop interfering with your bodies ability to do so.
Click to expand...
Agree to a certain extent. But there's also an element of seeking attention when it comes to partners, even if it's subconsciously complaining about your health to garner some sympathy.

We don't know what their level of communication is like. She could just be begging for a good banging...
 
Has she perhaps seen a shrink? Perhaps she has fibromyalgia? What is often difficult to diagnose but it does give pain a lot of the time.
 
saor said:
On the topic of complaining...

I've noticed a difference between how kids respond to injury and how (some) adults respond to injury, especially the older they get:

Kid: Hurt, cry, get on with life.
Adult: Hurt, spend more time thinking about the injury and constructing narratives about what it might be, what it means if it doesn't heal etc.

There's a tendency in adults to have:
a.) The injury, plus
b.) Stress and a usually negative narrative about the injury.

When the zebra is no longer being chased by a lion its body drops out of fight / flight and goes back into it's default state in which it isn't imposing stress, tension & constriction on itself which might hinder the process of healing and recovery. Once the lion is gone, the lion departs from the mind of the zebra and the zebra defaults to its optimal physiological state.

I think adults screw themselves over to certain degrees by wallowing in psychological patterns that induce physiological changes and stresses: Tightness in the body, shallow breath etc. If you want your body to deal with what ails you in the best way possible, then stop interfering with your bodies ability to do so.
Click to expand...
Quote from a book on the topic:

This is the critical point of this book: if you are that zebra running for your life, or that lion sprinting for your meal, your body's physiological response mechanisms are superbly adapted for dealing with such short-term physical emergencies. For the vast majority of beasts on this planet, stress is about a short-term crisis, after which it's either over with or you're over with.

When we sit around and worry about stressful things, we turn on the same physiological responses—but they are potentially a disaster when provoked chronically. A large body of evidence suggests that stress-related disease emerges, predominantly, out of the fact that we so often activate a physiological system that has evolved for responding to acute physical emergencies, but we turn it on for months on end, worrying about mortgages, relationships, and promotions.
Click to expand...

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Zebras-Dont-Ulcers-Stress-Related-ebook/dp/B0037NX018
 
Gruntled said:
We've been married for over ten years. We are in our thirties. Wife is a few years older than me and has a few ongoing health problems. I don't want to come across as unsympathetic but it is difficult to be supportive of somebody who is constantly complaining about their health on a daily basis. In fact, it is generally several complaints per day.
Once one issue has been resolved, the next thing seems to come up from various sicknesses to various aches, pains and injuries. We have decent medical aid but it's practically used up for this year with all the doc, physio and pharmacy visits.
I can't help but suspect that she is a bit of a hypochondriac and for whatever reason often thinks that even the doctors diagnosis are wrong because whatever treatment is prescribed doesn't usually work. She is also very fond of googling things and comping up with diagnosis herself. To be honest, I can't remember a day that she has not been sick or in pain during the past eight months.
Sadly she does also have some genuine, confirmed medical problems which makes it difficult to understand when a particular complaint might be legit, slightly exaggerated or even possibly psychosomatic. I realise that perhaps we must speak to a therapist to determine whether there is a non-physical cause for all of this but she is and has always been very closed off to the idea of seeing a psychologist even though she has also faced some depression previously in her life.
I don't really know what I'm going to get from posting this on a discussion board like this but maybe I just need to vent. Maybe someone can identify with this problem and I'll know I'm not alone. Maybe there's even some good advice to be had.
Anyways. Bye for now.
Click to expand...
Pregnant?
 
Lupus said:
oooook
www.mayoclinic.org

Fibromyalgia: Combination of treatments often required-Fibromyalgia - Symptoms & causes - Mayo Clinic

This condition affects the way the brain processes pain signals. It can cause widespread pain, fatigue and other symptoms. Learn what treatments can help.
www.mayoclinic.org www.mayoclinic.org
Click to expand...
It does actually read like it was made up. But if it was, it brilliant for hypochondriacs. Doctors diagnose it, hypochondriacs goes crazy treating it.

But to OP, you know her best, even if it is real, she would benefit from therapy, because she seems to be fixated on the negative.
 
Lupus said:
Has she perhaps seen a shrink? Perhaps she has fibromyalgia? What is often difficult to diagnose but it does give pain a lot of the time.
Click to expand...
Nope - she does not entertain the idea of seeing a therapist at all.
 
Checks calendar, can confirm it's Friday.

On the topic you already sound like you have been reading psychiatry books, what did the professionals say?

Also look up fibromyalgia and tell her it's treatable.
 
Can’t pee, cant poop, cant have sex, pms x 1000, cant have a baby.
 
Gruntled said:
She has endometriosis. Causes abnormal pain during menstruation. Had multiple surgeries during her life and it just returns after a while.
Click to expand...
Try joking about it. Maybe she’ll get the message after a couple of jokes about her clogged up hoohaa and how it’ll sort itself out if she has a good schit.

In seriousness, be nice to your sick wife.
 
We'll need pics to see if she is hawt.

Once we have had a look, we'll be able to tell if she is making these things up to avoid sex.
 
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