Partners past issues? bother you?

DJK said:
Rubbish! I posted my pic in the lingerie section - go check its there. I am dressed in red lingerie - you on the other hand have not lived up to your end of the bargain so you are banned from using this phrase until you rectify the issue...:mad:
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wa ha ha, I have never actually have used the phrase before :) And I doubt I will again any time soon.. I accept the ban humbly.. :)
 
I kinda feel like some people are missing the point here.

A woman was abused (in one way or another - the true form of which you may never know) and she deserves love and support. I'm guessing she also needs to feel that she isn't a dirty slut because of what happened to her. This shouldn't (IMO) be about the bf, this should be about the gf that is and / or has suffered.
 
Natasha H said:
I always find it ironic how men lie, charm and seduce woman into bed and then call them sluts afterwards ;)

Just because she got drunk and the wrong thing happened once(and in this case, seems more like 2 men with no morals) does not mean it is a reflection on her..

If she was doing this every weekend, different story..
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Sorry, was referring to Sly's post actually, not the OPs. Yeah sounds like she was taken advantage of. As you can tell by the content of my post, I am talking about guys who allow their partner's prevous sex life to become an issue in their relationship.

Sly, I mean no offense but that is a little immature. You need to learn to deal with it, however you choose to. But be warned, most of the women you are likely to meet are not going to be virgins. And taking a woman's virginity is not all it is cracked up to be either...;)
 
Natasha H said:
I always find it ironic how men lie, charm and seduce woman into bed and then call them sluts afterwards ;)

Just because she got drunk and the wrong thing happened once(and in this case, seems more like 2 men with no morals) does not mean it is a reflection on her..

If she was doing this every weekend, different story..
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Easier said than wrapping my mind around the idea.
 
superB said:
I kinda feel like some people are missing the point here.

A woman was abused (in one way or another - the true form of which you may never know) and she deserves love and support. I'm guessing she also needs to feel that she isn't a dirty slut because of what happened to her. This shouldn't (IMO) be about the bf, this should be about the gf that is and / or has suffered.
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+ 1000000
 
DJK said:
Sorry, was referring to Sly's post actually, not the OPs. Yeah sounds like she was taken advantage of. As you can tell by the content of my post, I am talking about guys who allow their partner's prevous sex life to become an issue in their relationship.

Sly, I mean no offense but that is a little immature. You need to learn to deal with it, however you choose to. But be warned, most of the women you are likely to meet are not going to be virgins. And taking a woman's virginity is not all it is cracked up to be either...;)
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Well honestly speaking this girl I have an eye on at the moment slept with quite a few guys (she slept with more partners than me) and it doesn't bother me at all. What really bothered me about my ex was that she lied at first and told me that she slept with only 2 guys but then 10 months into the relationship she basically tells me that she is a slut. She lied at first because she knew how I would think of her and she was right.

Judging someone is never the right thing to do but I can't help it, for my ex to sleep with 3 guys in one month for me is just too much to handle and swallow.:sick:
 
DJK said:
Sly, I mean no offense but that is a little immature. You need to learn to deal with it, however you choose to. But be warned, most of the women you are likely to meet are not going to be virgins. And taking a woman's virginity is not all it is cracked up to be either...;)
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I get that I realize not everyone is a saint , i'm pissed off that it happened to her and to a degree i'm not really happy knowing because my mind will always think the worst unless I reel it in. That being said I know it took a lot for her to tell me that type of thing since this is the type of girl that doesnt share feelings easily at all and is quite the emotional cripple as am I at times.

I just need to get over myself, the past is the past, who cares , still easier said than done, I catch myself thinking bad things and images, I cant help it.
 
Problemo said:
I just need to get over myself, the past is the past, who cares , still easier said than done, I catch myself thinking bad things and images, I cant help it.
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If you can't deal with it, rather do not pursue anything.. This is not about you, and you can not try and move forward with her and let her fall in love with you only for you to tell her in 6 months time that you are sorry you can not get over what she told you..

That is very selfish and unfair..

I am pretty sure there is many things she could judge you on, and if the shoe was on the other foot ........................................

Edit: Basically you either accept it, or you don't.. You can't keep it hanging over both your heads..
 
superB said:
I kinda feel like some people are missing the point here.

A woman was abused (in one way or another - the true form of which you may never know) and she deserves love and support. I'm guessing she also needs to feel that she isn't a dirty slut because of what happened to her. This shouldn't (IMO) be about the bf, this should be about the gf that is and / or has suffered.
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Not to sound judgemental but if she was really drunk who's fault is that?

If I get drunk and then I get beaten up you don't hear me say yes I was forced into it. When a drunk driver kills himself/herself you don't hear the people say ag shame...

And no im not calling her a slut, she made one bad call thats all, and that is ok we all make bad calls, I have almost killed myself with some of them.

Problemo she needs you to be open with her and handel this together. Good luck man and Im sure this experience will only make your relationship stronger if you get through it.
 
Im pretty sure most people have had sexual experiences where they feel used and abused or completely betrayed afterwards, most likely when it was their first time. Atleast she didn't let it put her off sex or relationships in general.
 
Natasha H said:
I agree :D

But as Super B says: "she also needs to feel that she isn't a dirty slut because of what happened to her"
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Yeah thats why I said problemo needs to stand by her and talk about it with her :)

And no she isn't a dirty slut because she made a bad call.

Then most people would be druggie-thieving-promiscuous-idiots.
 
So an update, I went over, we made up and I'm trying hard to not let what I heard affect me - but I can't get these horrible images out my head, I'm mad because she had to go through that, I'm mad because she was weak and didn't walk away, I'm mad because *******s like that exist, I'm mad because I know and I can't get the bad trashy images out my head - thinking the worst.

On the other hand I know it took a lot for her to tell me and that I'm here, they arent and that she really does love me, but the deeper darker thoughts of my brain are taking over I didnt sleep much last night and had nightmares about this.

What can I do to get over the hangup I seem to be having, should I delve deeper and talk through the whole thing with her to put my mind at ease - the way she described it was graphic and I think this screwed up my head bigtime.

What to do?
 
I think that stuff from the past should stay there, it causes pain and unnecessary anger and stress, you will have to put it past you and rather live in the now and don't judge her.
 
Problemo said:
So an update, I went over, we made up and I'm trying hard to not let what I heard affect me - but I can't get these horrible images out my head, I'm mad because she had to go through that, I'm mad because she was weak and didn't walk away, I'm mad because *******s like that exist, I'm mad because I know and I can't get the bad trashy images out my head - thinking the worst.

On the other hand I know it took a lot for her to tell me and that I'm here, they arent and that she really does love me, but the deeper darker thoughts of my brain are taking over I didnt sleep much last night and had nightmares about this.

What can I do to get over the hangup I seem to be having, should I delve deeper and talk through the whole thing with her to put my mind at ease - the way she described it was graphic and I think this screwed up my head bigtime.

What to do?
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Dude.. Its always going to be worse in your imagination..

You CAN stop thinking about it. If you catch yourself doing it, then stop immediately. You seem to be letting this whole thing control you, you need to stop that. The best solution here would be to actually not care. Easier said than done, but think about it this way.. YOU CANT CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED, so you can either let it bother you witrh no solution, or you can actively cast it from your mind until it no longer wants to reside there. The more you fight something, the more it solidifies into reality. Acknowledge the truth, accept the truth, and then move on, and stop thinking about things which are clearly detrimental to think about.
 
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