Rebuilding Trust

[The_Ogre]

I didn't mean him, I meant all the nay sayers who responded....

How does me, by saying he should STFU or GTFO, make me a nay sayer? Some of us know its not the first time he's complaining about this issue, we're merely saying if he can't get used to her ways then they should instead part ways.

 

[guest2013-1]

B.O.B.?


Acid. What you going to do if it is something she can not get over
Give her time, but do not do it to your detriment.

the past has taught me some patience. its tough not to be scared

OP: The way you refer to women in the last sentence of your post, shows your exact feelings towards them as a group.

Unless and until you have found professional help in overcoming your feelings of hostility towards females, you will never have a successful relationship.

I would also advise women not to get involved with you, because of the hostility you hide just beneath the surface.

well i know what your opinion is on me, and i do deal with the fact that ive been ****ed over and used 100% of the time. if that left some hostility then i would like to see a man that doesnt somehow harbor some kind of hostility when going through with what i have in the past.

just because i call a spade a spade doesnt mean i emotionally or physically abuse women. it only means i really really really REALLY reluctantly choose to open myself up to anyone fully.

it took me a while to get back where i can wear my heart on my sleeve and feel secure enough with her not to hurt me. The past week just pushed many of the old buttons and you know that when youve been burned more than twice you start equating the situation with what happened in the past.

i hope that we can get things going again. one foot infront of the other. im sure we would. she really is my everything, and i say that with an open and down to earth head and not "Zomg im in luuurve" (which is tough explaining to her when i say shes beautiful cause according to her im just saying that cause im in love with her and she doesnt think its true)

anyway. like i said. its your opinion and i dont dent that i harbor some hostility, but i think im handling things pretty well and have grown since my ex from a few years back (that thread is on here too somewhere)

 

[Azbubu]

Acid, is she still upset about you mocking her hair?

 

[RazedInBlack]

Gosh! She's playing mind games with you! Its so bloody obvious.

 

[mizteeq]

OP, it could also be that she is at a certain stage in her cycle. I tend to be guilty of being very stroppy with my husband, about crap, at a certain phase in my cycle. It doesn't happen often, but there are small things that happen that will trigger my insecurities during that time, but I work through my feelings, trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me , and I usually get over it that same day, or the next.

I think your SO needs some more time to work through her feelings and insecurities.Just try to be patient and understanding, as difficult as it may be, but I'm sure she'll get over it soon. Just don't ignore her! And get her to talk to you about her feelings, but don't force it; I'm sure she'll want to talk to you about it when she's ready to.

 

[guest2013-1]

OP, it could also be that she is at a certain stage in her cycle. I tend to be guilty of being very stroppy with my husband, about crap, at a certain phase in my cycle. It doesn't happen often, but there are small things that happen that will trigger my insecurities during that time, but I work through my feelings, trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me , and I usually get over it that same day, or the next.

I think your SO needs some more time to work through her feelings and insecurities.Just try to be patient and understanding, as difficult as it may be, but I'm sure she'll get over it soon. Just don't ignore her! And get her to talk to you about her feelings, but don't force it; I'm sure she'll want to talk to you about it when she's ready to.

Her cycle only starts around the 23rd, so doubt its that, but yea. will see what happens.

 

[TowerGuru]

F.u.k. I got bored halfway through OPs original post. Woman yadda talking trust woman yadda...

Date men. Much easier!

 

[Azbubu]

F.u.k. I got bored halfway through OPs original post. Woman yadda talking trust woman yadda...

Date men. Much easier!

:erm:

 

[RiaX]

Okay so this is getting to be a bit annoying. I've been getting the cold shoulder this week for some unknown reason, I took it in stride and didn't let it bother me TOO much, but eventually this morning I asked whats wrong because things have been awesome the last few months except for a few hiccups that doesn't even make my "radar" of what I consider to be a fight.

I get the answer "It's stupid" and then "Don't want to tell you because you'll get upset"

Thank God she didn't say the latter BEFORE "It's stupid" because my damaged brain would immediately have jumped to "she cheated" and/or "has found someone else and want to end things" conclusions.

What I found though is that she's mad at me AGAIN about things (I thought) we handled/settled/moved on from the past. She said the fact that it bugs her means we never really sorted it out and never WILL. Even though I was 120% honest with her and spent several hours talking about it / going through the events that did happen in the past that makes her not trust me. (No I didn't cheat and some of it actually happened while we both were seeing other people, we've been friends for almost a decade and only in the last couple of years have confessed our love for each other/started seeing each other as more than friends even though we both found we liked each other way before then)

Now, granted, I'm less upset/worked up about it because what she did the entire week made me way more upset/worked up than what has come to light, my question now is, how to handle this?

How the hell do you work on trust if she's unwilling to ever let go of the past even though I've gone through every minute detail with her... so much so that she ended up saying something like "Maybe it's just how I remembered it then". I mean I had cold-hard-****ing-facts (not just a he-said / she-said scenario). I was really sincere, really honest and I thought she was able to move on from that and focus on the present/future. I'm even giving her her own set of keys/security tag to my new place so she can come and go as she please, when she pleases etc.

I really want her to be happy, and for the most part we are, but then something sparks this again and everything appears to fall apart ALL over again. I don't want to go through all the effort of putting her mind at ease, knowing full well something might spark her low(ish) self-esteem and make her think the past is repeating itself.

Any advice? (and no, I refuse to even considering letting her go and moving on)

I'm thinking I should leave her alone till she gets to grips with whatever she's struggling with, as much as I struggle sometimes internally as well when she does things like this to convince myself she's NOT like the other whores of my past.

How?!

show her this post

 

[mizteeq]

Her cycle only starts around the 23rd, so doubt its that, but yea. will see what happens.

PMS usually starts about two weeks before that Good luck!

 

[buyeye]

F.u.k. I got bored halfway through OPs original post. Woman yadda talking trust woman yadda...

Date men. Much easier!

I thought you had to be born that way , are you saying the OP can choose to be a homosexual?

 

[FrankCastle]

@OP

welcome to the club

 

[guest2013-1]

women arent THAT complicated. looking at how my dad handles my mom does give me some pointers (that man has patience coming out of his ears and ive only seen him mad at my mom's quirks maybe twice in my life)

i try to send messages like "hope your day at work is fun, love you" and "thinking of you" etc (i make some unique ones up as i go)

but i havent had a positive response (yet)

i did ask her it she still would like keys to my place and she said that she think she does and followed it "doesnt matter". and with stuff like she wont probably ever use it and where to keep them blablabla *sigh*

if you guys really knew me
instead of the troll / "**** you science!" attitude i have on here youd know id rather stay an inactive bachelor for the rest of my life if i cant be with her. thats how strong this is.

and its always fun when oppikoppi takes away all your friends and you cant talk to them about stuff. i couldnt take off cause im still a newb at work

 

[buyeye]

women arent THAT complicated. looking at how my dad handles my mom does give me some pointers (that man has patience coming out of his ears and ive only seen him mad at my mom's quirks maybe twice in my life)

i try to send messages like "hope your day at work is fun, love you" and "thinking of you" etc (i make some unique ones up as i go)

but i havent had a positive response (yet)

i did ask her it she still would like keys to my place and she said that she think she does and followed it "doesnt matter". and with stuff like she wont probably ever use it and where to keep them blablabla *sigh*

if you guys really knew me
instead of the troll / "**** you science!" attitude i have on here youd know id rather stay an inactive bachelor for the rest of my life if i cant be with her. thats how strong this is.

and its always fun when oppikoppi takes away all your friends and you cant talk to them about stuff. i couldnt take off cause im still a newb at work

Then propose.

 

[Nicci]

Is she in love with you? Does she return the same love you seem to have for her? That whole sentence regarding the key makes me wonder. If I had a bf, and he offered me his keys I would not come up with **** like I wont use it or where would I keep it nonsense. Just be careful you dont get into a situation where she breaks your heart.

And, I agree with Blu, the way you flamed woman on here in the past is a big turnoff, and I would steer well clear from you. You seem to think you are the only one hurt. What about men that cheat / lie to their girlfriends. It goes both ways you know...

 

[mizteeq]

Is she in love with you? Does she return the same love you seem to have for her? That whole sentence regarding the key makes me wonder. If I had a bf, and he offered me his keys I would not come up with **** like I wont use it or where would I keep it nonsense. Just be careful you dont get into a situation where she breaks your heart.

I agree with this! If she wanted the keys, she'd find somewhere to keep it, even if she had to wear it around her neck. Maybe she just isn't as invested in the relationship as you are. That is the impression I'm getting.

 

[guest2013-1]

had some positive response.

i know for a fact she is as in love with me that i am with her. i think the keys thing was just out of fear / the situation that sparked that trust issue.

things are a bit more complicated than i let it on to be but i dont want any negativity. im negative enough.

i know men lie/cheat as well. im not blind to that. but i dont think the women (or immature girls rather) ive dated before had the same happen to them.

women ask why theres no nice guys. THATS why. but once you peel away those layers youll find theyre there still.

 

[Dolby]

Some things are worth fighting for.

Both have to fight for it, IMO

If there's only one person doing all the fighting for what s/he wants, it'll only end badly and s/he'll come off second best.

This situation seems like only OP is willing to fight for it

 

[reactor_sa]

Because men and women think so differently, you will never know the underlying issue unless the SO says what it is (that, or if you can somehow read minds); funny how SO's expect us to read minds....