Ekstasis
Honorary Master
thing is.....I'm the third childs father, the second husband.
-
Join the MyBroadband community
South Africa’s biggest forum. Discuss, discover, and connect with thousands of members.
-
Question of the Day: Have you ever ordered a product online and received a fake knock-off?
Self inflicted wounds/pain
- Thread starter Ekstasis
- Start date
thing is.....I'm the third childs father, the second husband.
Mephisto_Helix
Resident Postwhore
Is it day of the facepalm or something? I and every single person I knew that smoked weed = didn't do that. Before I smoked and drank, I went through a depression phase and I did it as a form of attention seeking (know that now, not back then). My god, some people are so into the weed propaganda.
Ekstasis
Honorary Master
Don't blame the weed either. This must be a case of "not belonging" or something to that effect
I hope your daughter is staying with you, otherwise she might turn out like her mother. You cannot excuse people’s behavior. A lot of us didn’t get dealt the best cards in life, but once she became a mother she should’ve made a conscious decision to become a better human being.
OMW, you do realise according to OP that she was also drinking... should that be now illegal? Or do you think it was only the weed? C'mon man its a host of factors that has made her do this.
Ekstasis
Honorary Master
Yeah she is staying with me and I understand what you mean. She had her first child when she was 15. We've been divorced for 10 yrs now. To this day I still don't have an answer for why I married her - maybe I had it in my head I could fix things, dunno!
BinaryJack
Spam
Oh FFS!!!
No one do these kinds of things because they are "looking for attention".
People do these kind of things because for some reason communication is not an option, whether this is fact or perception is irrelevant. The severity of how "bad things get" is subjective and depends on the person.
BinaryJack
Spam
I really should read a thread to the most current post.
Will save me time having to reply mulitple times.
WTF?!?
External influences do not automatically shape a person's personality or future self.
Congratulations! You have just removed the daughter's individuality and freedom of choice!
Will save me time having to reply mulitple times.
WTF?!?
External influences do not automatically shape a person's personality or future self.
Congratulations! You have just removed the daughter's individuality and freedom of choice!
Dolby
Honorary Master
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2005
- Messages
- 39,237
- Reaction score
- 6,204
I thing she meant there's a greater chance of a 'normal' behavior, if staying with 'normal' people where she'd be comfortable, ma feel more loved and have stability? :/
Living with fscked up people doesn't help the matter much
BinaryJack
Spam
It is difficult to take you serious if you use 'normal'.
Normal as we all know is subjective.
I also find it rather interesting how chrissy and yourself could decide that Ekstasis is normal considering the rather limited information available to make that kind of informed opinion.
I digress...the thing is rather simple. External factors have a limited influence on the personality development.
Example.
2 Brothers in same home. Call them J & M.
Father screwing around, leaving unstable mother at home with barely any money to feed children.
M turns to alcohol, drugs and gangs.
J turns to reading and helping where he can with money he earns from part time waitering at restaurants.
M goes with mother to live with Grandparents. Keeping his drug habits going by stealing from his family.
J moves to his aunt and uncle to finish highschool. Not doing too badly but not doing too great. average in general.
Skip a few years.
M has an unwanted child and is addicted to tik.
he is unable to keep a job as he has a bit of a temper.
wife leaves him after not too long.
J however keeps his head down and moves to a coastal town in the east coast and does 3 jobs to get buy and pay his own rent.
Skip some more years.
M is no where to be found...last heard that he is looking for his wife and he still has his drug habit and temper and struggling to keep a job. blaming everyone but himself.
J is has been to 7 different countries earning a salary that most people 10 years his senior only dream of and have a great relationship going on 1 years.
True story. I'm J.
So, the next time anyone says that your external factors shape who you are.
Think twice.
No one decides who and what you become.
Dolby
Honorary Master
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2005
- Messages
- 39,237
- Reaction score
- 6,204
... which is why I inserted the word 'normal' in inverted commas, because I do realize this?
... I also know external factors don't decide fully - but DO believe they have a relatively large influence. We can agree to disagree here if you wish.
And yes - a guy at work is similar to you. He's very conservative, religious, earning a packet - and his brother sits in jail for murder. I could also give you stories opposite to yours - where both children fall off the rails.
Out of interest, my ex-girlfriend was a hard drug user, borderline personality, bipolar, self mutilation and other issues. I visited her psychiatric wards two to three times a year for 2-3 weeks at a time while she was drugged to zombie state, I saw the suicide watch orders given by the doctors, visited her in drug rehabs, NA meetings and met her friends with similar conditions (mental and addiction issues). Her mother was totally off the wall and the during the relationship and it was clear that being around her mother certainly didn't help with her condition. Psychiatrists would often inform her to remove herself from her mother as much as possible in order to get 'better' (inverted commas)
She also had a daughter that she was forced to sign over custody and the daughter was handed over to the insane mother. I met the daughter when she was 3 and last I saw her, she was 6 or 7. Again, very clear behavior when she's with 'normal' (inverted commas, again) people to when she's with the grandmother.
We're all entitled to our own option though
PS M&J had the same unfortunate start - but lived apart and had different external factors for a number of years?
... I also know external factors don't decide fully - but DO believe they have a relatively large influence. We can agree to disagree here if you wish.
And yes - a guy at work is similar to you. He's very conservative, religious, earning a packet - and his brother sits in jail for murder. I could also give you stories opposite to yours - where both children fall off the rails.
Out of interest, my ex-girlfriend was a hard drug user, borderline personality, bipolar, self mutilation and other issues. I visited her psychiatric wards two to three times a year for 2-3 weeks at a time while she was drugged to zombie state, I saw the suicide watch orders given by the doctors, visited her in drug rehabs, NA meetings and met her friends with similar conditions (mental and addiction issues). Her mother was totally off the wall and the during the relationship and it was clear that being around her mother certainly didn't help with her condition. Psychiatrists would often inform her to remove herself from her mother as much as possible in order to get 'better' (inverted commas)
She also had a daughter that she was forced to sign over custody and the daughter was handed over to the insane mother. I met the daughter when she was 3 and last I saw her, she was 6 or 7. Again, very clear behavior when she's with 'normal' (inverted commas, again) people to when she's with the grandmother.
We're all entitled to our own option though
PS M&J had the same unfortunate start - but lived apart and had different external factors for a number of years?
Last edited:
seventhson
Expert Member
When I was 14-15 I use to punch the wall:erm:
Not to hurt myself. Never ever wanted to hurt myself.
Not to hurt myself. Never ever wanted to hurt myself.
I almost don't want to reply to this thread, for fear of being burned alive.
Everyone is different. Put a group of people in the same room with the same teacher, and not all of them will turn out the same. Each will look at the teacher from their own perspective and decide for themselves what they want to do. If they decide NOT to decide for themselves, then that is also a choice.
Say now, person A, B, C and D all get beaten frequently by the same parents. "A" could be thinking, it's HIS fault. "B" could be thinking that he wants to kill his parents, and becomes a violent person that beats up his wife. "C" could be thinking, there's nothing he can do about it, so he should just suffer in silence, and eventually kills himself. "D" could be the most sensible and think, after a few years he'll just move out, and learn from the experience so that he doesn't do the same thing to his kids. All of them look at the situation through their own eyes and decide for themselves how they're going to respond to it.
Now take away the abusive parents, and replace them with kind and caring parents. The kids would thus have more freedom to do the things they want without fear of getting physically reprimanded. Some would experiment with drugs, some may fall pregnant, but at least they wouldn't be doing it out of hate or anger towards their parents. They'd be making mistakes on their own. There's an exception though, where the parents spoil their kids too much, and whey their parents disallow something, the kids take out their anger.
The main point I'm making is that parents can play a massive role in shaping a person. Everyone wants someone to freely talk to about their problems, since it forms an outlet for their anger and anxiety. Abused kids seldom have that luxury, so their anger builds up within unless they find a way to release it, via PHYSICAL activity.
I believe intelligence also plays a role in how a child grows up. If that child is intelligent, he's more likely to analyze his situation and choose the response that's most appropriate.
Everyone is different. Put a group of people in the same room with the same teacher, and not all of them will turn out the same. Each will look at the teacher from their own perspective and decide for themselves what they want to do. If they decide NOT to decide for themselves, then that is also a choice.
Say now, person A, B, C and D all get beaten frequently by the same parents. "A" could be thinking, it's HIS fault. "B" could be thinking that he wants to kill his parents, and becomes a violent person that beats up his wife. "C" could be thinking, there's nothing he can do about it, so he should just suffer in silence, and eventually kills himself. "D" could be the most sensible and think, after a few years he'll just move out, and learn from the experience so that he doesn't do the same thing to his kids. All of them look at the situation through their own eyes and decide for themselves how they're going to respond to it.
Now take away the abusive parents, and replace them with kind and caring parents. The kids would thus have more freedom to do the things they want without fear of getting physically reprimanded. Some would experiment with drugs, some may fall pregnant, but at least they wouldn't be doing it out of hate or anger towards their parents. They'd be making mistakes on their own. There's an exception though, where the parents spoil their kids too much, and whey their parents disallow something, the kids take out their anger.
The main point I'm making is that parents can play a massive role in shaping a person. Everyone wants someone to freely talk to about their problems, since it forms an outlet for their anger and anxiety. Abused kids seldom have that luxury, so their anger builds up within unless they find a way to release it, via PHYSICAL activity.
I believe intelligence also plays a role in how a child grows up. If that child is intelligent, he's more likely to analyze his situation and choose the response that's most appropriate.
Last edited:
scotty777
...doesn't know
I'm prone to addiction, self abuse and all that jazz... However, I seem to use it to motivate me into doing things for myself 
. Sadly, I came out the teenage years with a nicotine addiction 
, but at least I'm keeping myself away from the booze (I'll have a beer or two if I'm at a club... but unless it's a wild party, I don't drink anymore 
). I've also stayed very far way from any illicit drugs since grade 10 
. It's all about focusing yourself...
People prone to addiction are the people that tend to be very intense in that they need something to keep them stimulated. And using social/academic goals is a good way to focus this drive into a positive sense.
. Sadly, I came out the teenage years with a nicotine addiction , but at least I'm keeping myself away from the booze (I'll have a beer or two if I'm at a club... but unless it's a wild party, I don't drink anymore ). I've also stayed very far way from any illicit drugs since grade 10 . It's all about focusing yourself... People prone to addiction are the people that tend to be very intense in that they need something to keep them stimulated. And using social/academic goals is a good way to focus this drive into a positive sense.
TheHiveMind
Banned
Small doses of physical pain are a reminder that you are alive, that you can feel, that you can bleed.
It pulls you out of your head and into the present. That is a powerful drug when you are depressed and trapped in your own head.
The recipe is both pain AND pleasure. Endorphines kick in aswell.
It pulls you out of your head and into the present. That is a powerful drug when you are depressed and trapped in your own head.
The recipe is both pain AND pleasure. Endorphines kick in aswell.
Last edited:
grok
Honorary Master
I can't say that I've ever understood the reasons why people self-inflict pain .. until just now from HumanoidTyphoon's comment.
I think people hurt themselves out of anger. Haven't you ever hit a wooden door or a brick wall, and enjoyed the pain since it distracted you from reality? Well, I've done it. At that time I felt like breaking $hit and beating up someone, but then your common sense kicks in and you realize that breaking $hit and beating up someone will have annoying consequences, and also make it seem as if you're looking for attention, when if fact, you're just really angry. So instead, you hurt yourself, away from onlookers.
Last edited:
Ekstasis
Honorary Master
As you know this kids mom is my ex-wife from 10 yrs ago. I've learnt today that her daughter (the one that's also the topic of this thread), who must stay in this institution 'till June, ran away today again.
Ekstasis
Honorary Master
Spoke to my ex today again. Good news- they found her daughter (K) on Monday. Bad news - she was raped, strangled and stabbed with a screw driver (in Retreat). Also, her mom thought she was only on weed and alcohol. It now came out after tests that she's got most of the hard drugs in her system as well - from tik to heroin. The court took over (refered by the institution in Durbanville she stays at) now and a date was set for her and my ex the 7th of Feb. From there she will go to Noupoort rehab.
Does anyone know of this place? Is it any good.?