Sexual performance anxiety

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PerfAnx

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Okay let me start off by saying I'm a regular poster here, but due to the fact that I know other members here personally, I'm rather going to use a new profile to discuss a rather embarrassing topic.:o

So here's the deal, I'm in my mid 20's, and broke up with my SO of 7 years about 6 months ago (only girl I've ever been with sexually) way back then when we first tried to have sex the first 2 times, I got so nervous that I couldn't get a hard on, bothered me at first, but then after discussing it with a good friend he assured me its normal and that it happens and its purely because of the nerves. Me and the ex ended up having sex and I NEVER EVER had the problem again, and I thought I was cured, and that it came down to the fact that it was my first time.

Anyhow fast forward to the present, and I've started seeing this new girl which I'm really into, but guess what? Same problem again, can't get a hard on when I'm with her and things start to get sexual (when I'm not with her I can literally just use my mind to get an erection when just thinking about her sexually)

I explained the situation to her, and she's really understanding, but now the problem is, it’s worse this time round, we tried about 4 times already, as soon we start to get sexual I'll be aroused at first, and manage to get an erection, but the moment I realize ****s about to get real, the arousal gets smothered but this overwhelming feeling of anxiety and fear, shortly followed by a feeling of embarrassment.

How the **** do I get over this???

For the TL;DR: I recently came out of a long relationship and get so nervous with the new girl when things lead to sex, that I can’t manage to maintain an errection.
 
PerfAnx said:
So here's the deal, I'm in my mid 20's, and broke up with my SO of 7 years about 6 months ago (only girl I've ever been with sexually) way back then when we first tried to have sex the first 2 times, I got so nervous that I couldn't get a hard on, bothered me at first, but then after discussing it with a good friend he assured me its normal and that it happens and its purely because of the nerves. Me and the ex ended up having sex and I NEVER EVER had the problem again, and I thought I was cured, and that it came down to the fact that it was my first time.
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Time to scour Health & Wealth to see who made threads of this nature.
 
Use Viagra to get over the initial hurdle. Killadoob can probably hook you up by the reads of his posts.
 
Ha ha, let the detectives get to work here! :) Analyse the writing style. The history shared. You can do this. Personally I don't see why you shouldn't be able to discuss it as yourself.

The fact that it was an issue, and that it is bothering you so much, probably just exacerbates the problem. As the circumstances develop you probably find your anxiety rising which means nothing else will. Not sure of the solution. I would avoid drugs. Perhaps discuss it with your new GF and overcome it will her understanding. Once she is in on it you may not be as anxious but give it time. The more it doesn't work the more anxious you are getting.

If all else fails tell her to arrange a foursome with two of her hot female mates. That is bound to get it working!

Some women have a similar issue where they tighten up. All psychological.
 
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R13... said:
Use Viagra to get over the initial hurdle. Killadoob can probably hook you up by the reads of his posts.
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Ninja'd said:
Or RiaX. He's a pharmacist from what I recall.
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Doubt I'm going to get perscription for viagra, isn't viagra for someone who actually never manages to get a boner, this is psychological, but I'm willing to try anything:D
 
PerfAnx said:
Doubt I'm going to get perscription for viagra, isn't viagra for someone who actually never manages to get a boner, this is psychological, but I'm willing to try anything:D
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How about consulting a psychologist/psychiatrist?


PS.: Don't mind my sig. It changes tomorrow.
 
Man I never post on threads of this nature but whatever. You need to slow yourself right down. Have dinner together. Have some time together in the bathtub, wash each other. Massage each other. Start the night together at 6 or so and it will be impossible to hold back by 9.
 
ClintZA said:
Ha ha, let the detectives get to work here! :) Analyse the writing style. The history shared. You can do this. Personally I don't see why you shouldn't be able to discuss it as yourself.

The fact that it was an issue, and that it is bothering you so much, probably just exacerbates the problem. As the circumstances develop you probably find your anxiety rising which means nothing else will. Not sure of the solution. I would avoid drugs. Perhaps discuss it with your new GF and overcome it will her understanding. Once she is in on it you may not be as anxious but give it time. The more it doesn't work the more anxious you are getting.

If all else fails tell her to arrange a foursome with two of her hot female mates. That is bound to get it working!

Some women have a similar issue where they tighten up. All psychological.
Click to expand...

Oh god no, all I'm thinking when I read that is nervousness x 3:eek::D
 
PerfAnx said:
Doubt I'm going to get perscription for viagra, isn't viagra for someone who actually never manages to get a boner, this is psychological, but I'm willing to try anything:D
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well you cant manage to bone-her at the moment. might be worth investing in.
 
cerebus said:
Man I never post on threads of this nature but whatever. You need to slow yourself right down. Have dinner together. Have some time together in the bathtub, wash each other. Massage each other. Start the night together at 6 or so and it will be impossible to hold back by 9.
Click to expand...

I have the weirdest boner
 
Ninja'd said:
How about consulting a psychologist/psychiatrist?

PS.: Don't mind my sig. It changes tomorrow.
Click to expand...

As a final resort I might consider this:( but first going to try all the other avenues
 
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R13... said:
Use Viagra to get over the initial hurdle. Killadoob can probably hook you up by the reads of his posts.
Click to expand...

I would not suggest viagra for someone who has no physical issue, it's use is mostly for people who literally cannot get it up, whether high/drunk or because they have a medical issue. Mental blocks need to be cleared up by person who you are trying to sleep with. You do need stop thinking about it so much when you are in the situation, the more you think about the more anxiety you get the worse it will become. You need this new girl to do what your g/f did and pull you through it.

His issue is mental and sadly it comes down to the girl, she needs to be reassuring and relax you, if she doesn't you will struggle and don't use viagra because it will become you have to use and you don't need to. You need to explain to her the situation, relax but she also needs to do things that make you relax. You managed to get it right with your ex so i assuming she was reassuring and she did something to help you relax and get it back.

Think back to your ex dude, what did she do to help you. What helped you back then. Feeling comfortable and confidence around her is what you need, are you at that point where you asre totally comfortable around her outside of the sexual arena? Once that anxiety and panic sets in it will rip your boner away and you will start saying omg i am so sorry, i feel so embarrassed and blah blah. How did your ex help you keep you it up? Once you start thinking about the performance issue in the moment it will be game over. Start thinking, i am gonna bang this chick so hard she is gonna crave more hahah something like that instead of omg omg omg omg nooooooooooooooooooooooo please nooooooooooooooooo come back boner.
 
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Pix or ... erm ... it's not true? :erm:

well, at least pix of the new GF ... maybe she's the problem. :D
 
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