She is not the one.

A

Anon_

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Im in a bit of a mess at the moment.
About 10 years ago i fell in love with someone (not my current lady - so we will her lady "A"). We couldnt be together because of certain circumstances.
We saw each other over the years here and there but never got together romantically again.
After more then 8 years together (not married yet) and a child, i have realised that my current lady (lady "B") is not the one and that my heart still belongs to lady "A".
However me and lady B have a child together and we dont make a bad couple.
I see her more as a friend now than a spouse.
She just never has and my heart tells me , never will be the one.
The child makes things complicated though as i love the child dearly (less than 6 months old).
Lady A knows about lady B and our relationship and baby etc.
No one except me and lady A knows about our (me and "A"`s relationship).

Okay thats the nutshell version.
My heart tells me that i will forever life in regret if i dont end it with "B" and just carry on pretending she is the one for the sake of the child and never be happy for myself. (she "B" thinks she is my one).
We dont have a lot of fights and good friends to each other.
My mind tells me that rather the devil you know than the devil you dont.
My questions for advice..
Do i forget about "A" and continue my life with "B" facing the fact that i have signed my fate with someone that is my friend but never my soulmate ?
I need advice.

"B" is really an awesome person and very good hearted and its not like we are not getting along as a couple , its just i dont see her as my soul mate , i see her as a friend.
How do i tell her she has never been the one but it only took me 8 years to know that.

Seriously need some advice.
 
Anon_ said:
Im in a bit of a mess at the moment.
About 10 years ago i fell in love with someone (not my current lady - so we will her lady "A"). We couldnt be together because of certain circumstances.
We saw each other over the years here and there but never got together romantically again.
After more then 8 years together (not married yet) and a child, i have realised that my current lady (lady "B") is not the one and that my heart still belongs to lady "A".
However me and lady B have a child together and we dont make a bad couple.
I see her more as a friend now than a spouse.
She just never has and my heart tells me , never will be the one.
The child makes things complicated though as i love the child dearly (less than 6 months old).
Lady A knows about lady B and our relationship and baby etc.
No one except me and lady A knows about our (me and "A"`s relationship).

Okay thats the nutshell version.
My heart tells me that i will forever life in regret if i dont end it with "B" and just carry on pretending she is the one for the sake of the child and never be happy for myself. (she "B" thinks she is my one).
We dont have a lot of fights and good friends to each other.
My mind tells me that rather the devil you know than the devil you dont.
My questions for advice..
Do i forget about "A" and continue my life with "B" facing the fact that i have signed my fate with someone that is my friend but never my soulmate ?
I need advice.

"B" is really an awesome person and very good hearted and its not like we are not getting along as a couple , its just i dont see her as my soul mate , i see her as a friend.
How do i tell her she has never been the one but it only took me 8 years to know that.

Seriously need some advice.
Click to expand...

Nothing wrong with bonking a friend!
 
Wow. Just wow. You weren't sure you wanted her, yet you got her pregnant? You're being a massive idiot(child), frankly.

Decide whether you're not in fact just in love with the idea of A instead of the person, and then decide whether "the one" as you understand it, isn't just a product of Hollywood and their drivel.
Either way, you have a child now to whom you have responsibilities as a parent, and if you feel anything for the child, as you say you do, you need to ensure stability in his/her life, which may require you to avoid contact with A until you can sort yourself out.
 
Move to Salt Lake City, Utah, then you can have both. It's true, saw it on tv last night.
 
Keep what you have - you will never know what you have until it goes away.

It's too late my china.

and, imo - nothing better than having a wife as and awesome friend.

don't screw it up man........you don't wanna lose it all.
 
Stick with B! Again, like Keeper says, "you will never know what you have until it goes away"
 
Yes and the guys on this forum does ask more relationship questions than the girls...
 
So what's your existing username?

I doubt that anyone would have registered just to post in this section :p
 
You just wanna be friends?
How sweet.

It's too late for "just wanna be friends". The minimum you 2 can be is parents.

So, work out how you want to continue with your life, then approach her and tell her, and then help the mother of your child to pick up her life, and, remember to get hold of A and tell her you're bringing in a mother and a child into your romance.

Oh, you may want to speak to A before assuming anything.
 
Messugga said:
Wow. Just wow. You weren't sure you wanted her, yet you got her pregnant? You're being a massive idiot(child), frankly.

Decide whether you're not in fact just in love with the idea of A instead of the person, and then decide whether "the one" as you understand it, isn't just a product of Hollywood and their drivel.
Either way, you have a child now to whom you have responsibilities as a parent, and if you feel anything for the child, as you say you do, you need to ensure stability in his/her life, which may require you to avoid contact with A until you can sort yourself out.
Click to expand...

I understand where you coming from.
However as we are all humans , we all make mistakes.

However its not like i will dissapear out of my child`s life.
And the idea of person A isnt an idea. We know each other very well and have throughout the years. We just didnt know until recently that we both still felt the same still. We didnt talk about it at all until recently again.
So not to use an excuse but i settled for lady "B" in the end because i didnt know "A" still felt like we were meant to be.

Loving the child as i do and also not wanting to hurt "B" is the reason i still pretend to "B" that she is the one.
However i can feel the lies tearing me up inside.
How much longer can i pretend... i really dont know.
Who am i fooling in the end and at what cost ?
 
So you stay with a females for 8 years knock her up and then want someone else.

I will almost guarantee the sex is non existent and bad(feels like a chore).

Improve your sex life and you may find she is the one.
 
Post pregnancy blues perhaps. *shrugs and goes to find the thread I meant to click on*
 
Obviously the child changed everything. That is why you have children with the people you intend to spend the rest of your life with.

Your current lady has perhaps taken a more motherly role and you are starting to feel a little left behind.
 
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