Shy/nervousness

InSanity said:
I must eb honest im fortunate im born a super extrovert have no problem talking to hundreds of people if i needed to but with that being said i hate talking to people over the phone i really battle to do that
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I don't think it's something you're born with, it's something you're conditioned into becoming as you grow up, based on your social interaction with the people around you.
 
Mike Hoxbig said:
I don't think it's something you're born with, it's something you're conditioned into becoming as you grow up, based on your social interaction with the people around you.
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So I can blame my parents? Gonna have a stern talk with them about how they ****ed me over! :p
 
Mike Hoxbig said:
I don't think it's something you're born with, it's something you're conditioned into becoming as you grow up, based on your social interaction with the people around you.
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possibly... either way im not shy is what im trying to say so sorry he/she cant help :p
 
It's all about confidence. Like I said, you have to find out what you're insecure about and deal with it for your shyness to go away.
 
_Hecate_ said:
So I can blame my parents? Gonna have a stern talk with them about how they ****ed me over! :p
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You'd be surprised at the effect that innocent things, like giggling at a child when they become shy and red-faced, can have on them growing.
 
I can't recall who it was, but the person said "anyone that tells you that they are not nervous to speak in front of people, are liars" Or something like that. I'm also an introvert, but it doesn't mean you can't present in front of people. Hell, I even played guitar for a band. The trick is to use the fear to your advantage, let it rather be an enabler that a disabler. Sounds like a motivation speaker crap, but I've presented in front of enough people to know it works.

And the other BIG lesson: Prepare, prepare, prepare. If you have prepared, you have a good argument and have practised, then there is no reason not to be good in it.
 
I used to belong to the debating society at school. You get fixed quickly, as boys tend to be a bit cruel if you hesitate or get nervous. In later life I have no problem with public speaking, although was sometimes nervous when giving a lecture at UCT to a large audience that some clever-dick would ask an awkward question or two. I was always able to blind them with science and nobody noticed (I think). A tame joke or two at the beginning usually sets the tone.

I think you must practice and also read books that give you tips about how to prepare yourself.
 
Wait makes you nervous? Presentations? Talking to people? People of authority?
 
Why shy? They are already your clients? You own them now sell them whatever it is they want. Are you also shy in social situations with strangers, etc or just work?
 
Don't make eye contact focus on the paper/presentation or do what I used to do when presenting my research at symposiums, pick a spot at the back of the room just above their heads and talk to the wall

If all else fails learn to fake the confidence
 
This is obviously simplistic but:

Confident person = someone who mostly thinks about their strengths and what they can do (what good stuff is likely to happen as a result).

Nervous/shy person = someone who mostly thinks about their weaknesses and what they can't do (what bad stuff is likely to happen as a result).

It's a perspective and mindset thing more than anything. Anyone who thinks about all the negative stuff all the time is going to be nervous - that's just human nature. After a few sessions talking in front of people you will begin to gain confidence, which really just means you will naturally begin to think about what you can do rather than what you can't. Embrace the transition; it'll happen quicker.

Once you get to a point where deep down you think things will go well your nervousness will stop. Getting to that point will happen far quicker if you start seeing things as glass half full, which means learning to end the negativity.
 
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_Hecate_ said:
I had to present my findings to one of our clients today. Normally its over the phone, this time it was in person. I am a ferocious blusher! and hates it!!!

What makes it worse is the client might think i'm lying if asked a question and then I blush.

What do you guys do to be less nervous/shy in similar circumstances? And dont tell me "picture them naked" who does that? and why would it work...I would just blush more thinking of them all naked and...stuff.

I just tried to remind myself to breath and talk slower as I normally start talking very fast.
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Just blush, people will find it charming.
 
_Hecate_ said:
Ppl dont always understand the level of my analysis. So I have to dumb it down. I wonder if I dumb it down too much sometimes.
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There's no need to dumb it down. Make them come up to your level. It gives you somewhat of a platform of authority, and that makes you confident. You're not dealing with them on an interpersonal level where they are judging how you speak or look or anything, if your content is there they will have to respect you.
 
Velenoso said:
Why shy? They are already your clients? You own them now sell them whatever it is they want. Are you also shy in social situations with strangers, etc or just work?
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Yeah not so good with social situations either but it has improved a LOT in the last couple of years. Guess I was just afraid the client might ask me questions I did not know how to answer since it was a "sensitive" client.
 
CommonSense said:
Hi _HECATE_

I know the feeling.
I've passed up going higher in the ranks because of this in the past.
I'm getting better with age. But it might be a bit too late.

Watch this Video below. I am sure it will help you. If it doesn't I'm sure you can think of something horrible to do to me.

Amy Cuddy - Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are

Hopes this helps. :)
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Tx will check out the video. Always make sure that my hands arent crossed and maintain eye contact with the ppl I'm addressing.

cerebus said:
There's no need to dumb it down. Make them come up to your level. It gives you somewhat of a platform of authority, and that makes you confident. You're not dealing with them on an interpersonal level where they are judging how you speak or look or anything, if your content is there they will have to respect you.
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Oh no I need to dumb it down a little, they need to understand what I'm saying to make decisions for their business based on my analyses. I also dont think making ppl feel inferior is a good thing.
 
Do what I do, start stuttering, go completely deaf - so you vacantly go "Huh"?- Rock in your chair, hyperventilate slightly and drink all the water thats been laid down on the table -

You'll knock them dead
 
DrewChan said:
Do what I do, start stuttering, go completely deaf - so you vacantly go "Huh"?- Rock in your chair, hyperventilate slightly and drink all the water thats been laid down on the table -

You'll knock them dead
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hehehehehehehehe I can just picture this.
 
It wasn't pleasant - I really do go completely deaf - Once in an interview I started doodling little pictures on a piece of paper to try calm myself down
 
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