Suicidal friend/s.

copacetic

copacetic

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I'm not really looking for an answer, as I don't think there is one, to be honest.

So, mostly just a vent I guess.

Friend is threatening suicide. It's hard to take seriously, but at the same time, due to history, cannot be discounted either.

I'm not in the same city, and any intervention will cause a host of problems I can't really get into the specifics of on a public forum.

I feel conflicted - I have enough of my own **** to deal with, but if they go through with it, it's going to stick with me for the remainder of my own life, and yet, there is almost literally nothing I can do to help without exacerbating the situation.

People suck. That's about it.

Ffs.
 
Sorry to read this man

Completely sucky situation
 
Your friend needs professional help - ideally from a clinical psychologist.

They can determine if it is attention seeking or a genuine cry for help.

There is a suicide helpline (my late wife volunteered there for a few years) that should be able to put your friend in contact with the right people.

(Will find the no for you and update post later)
 
Imo at some point you just have to say **** em and worry about yourself. It's so draining having to constantly worry about someone else's emotional state when inside yours is hanging by a thread. Give them some honesty and not just constant emotional crutches then leave them to their own devices.
 
OCP said:
Your friend needs professional help - ideally from a clinical psychologist.

They can determine if it is attention seeking or a genuine cry for help.

There is a suicide helpline (my late wife volunteered there for a few years) that should be able to put your friend in contact with the right people.

(Will find the no for you and update post later)
Click to expand...

Absolutely - Part of the problem is they refuse to see someone (short version of a very complex situation).

*edit*

I just saw you said late wife - For what it's worth, and not knowing anything about the timeline or situation, my sincere condolences; that must be extremely tough to have dealt with.
 
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Steamy Tom said:
Imo at some point you just have to say **** em and worry about yourself. It's so draining having to constantly worry about someone else's emotional state when inside yours is hanging by a thread. Give them some honesty and not just constant emotional crutches then leave them to their own devices.
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I'm reaching that point, and I understand what you're saying - However, that is part of the complexity; my actions and/or non-reaction have a knock-on effect on other people involved in the situation I care about, whatever the outcome, and THOSE people deserve my consideration, without a doubt.
 
Daruk said:
You are not responsible for other's decisions. Be a friend and leave it at that. They need to own their decisions - you can't be expected to. If you know something you can do, by all means do it, otherwise just listen.

It never ceases to amaze me that there are people with what appears to be nothing to live for clinging onto life with everything they have all around us, yet we can get so focused on our own little world that we think we have it bad.
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For sure. It's just very frustrating watching someone disintegrate from a distance, especially when the stakes are made higher by all the other people involved. As I said in the first post, I'm not looking for solutions, as there aren't any (as far as I can tell), nor am I taking on the burden or responsibility for decisions being made.

Just venting as it's stressing me out. It's very difficult rationalising my head out of the situation, as this person has been a very big part of my life for over two decades, essentially part of who I am. It's a challenging thing to think through, never mind know how to act on.
 
As someone that attempted almost successful suicide 2 times. I can fairly say I did not warn anyone of my actions.
Through chatting and general life I gave hints of it, but it also didn't sound serious.
It's an instant decision and one I am willing to take again at times.
Mental health is extremely misunderstood by some people. Yes we can talk to a shrink, yes we can decide to use meds when all else fails. Yes we can choose to go on, but we can never choose to not be sick or depressed. Have emotional issues or not.
We can learn and learn to take more punches in life, but sometimes we see no other way.
I don't have anyone like you. So I would say it's your choice to be there for this person or not.
 
|tera| said:
As someone that attempted almost successful suicide 2 times. I can fairly say I did not warn anyone of my actions.
Through chatting and general life I gave hints of it, but it also didn't sound serious.
It's an instant decision and one I am willing to take again at times.
Mental health is extremely misunderstood by some people. Yes we can talk to a shrink, yes we can decide to use meds when all else fails. Yes we can choose to go on, but we can never choose to not be sick or depressed. Have emotional issues or not.
We can learn and learn to take more punches in life, but sometimes we see no other way.
I don't have anyone like you. So I would say it's your choice to be there for this person or not.
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I've been there, and gotten the shirt. In fact, I'm wearing it, and probably will be for the rest of my life. Pardon the clumsy metaphor - I just mean I've been dealing with severe depression for decades, and understand what you are saying, believe me.

As for your last sentence - That's the problem: I can't be there for them, which makes the whole situation a challenging one. I mean, sure, I could quit my job and move to the city they are in and look after them, but that would simply cause me to be a burden to other people, as I'm extremely fortunate, all things considered, to be in the situation I am in now (in terms of work, shelter and practical life stuff).

I think about suicide often, to be honest. I'd never manipulate other people with the threat of it though (which is an ugly facet to this particular situation; but does not make it any less serious).

As for you my friend, keep talking to us on the forum. I know that you've been struggling over the years. I'm not going to say chin up it's going to be okay, because life is often just hard and shitty for no apparent reason, but know that for whatever it's worth, I wish you and your mental health the very best path forward possible, as I know it can be very difficult to see anything positive at times.
 
copacetic said:
I've been there, and gotten the shirt. In fact, I'm wearing it, and probably will be for the rest of my life. Pardon the clumsy metaphor - I just mean I've been dealing with severe depression for decades, and understand what you are saying, believe me.

As for your last sentence - That's the problem: I can't be there for them, which makes the whole situation a challenging one. I mean, sure, I could quit my job and move to the city they are in and look after them, but that would simply cause me to be a burden to other people, as I'm extremely fortunate, all things considered, to be in the situation I am in now (in terms of work, shelter and practical life stuff).

I think about suicide often, to be honest. I'd never manipulate other people with the threat of it though (which is an ugly facet to this particular situation; but does not make it any less serious).

As for you my friend, keep talking to us on the forum. I know that you've been struggling over the years. I'm not going to say chin up it's going to be okay, because life is often just hard and shitty for no apparent reason, but know that for whatever it's worth, I wish you and your mental health the very best path forward possible, as I know it can be very difficult to see anything positive at times.
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Thank you for the kind words @copacetic.
This isn't an easy situation by a long shot.
I can't give any concrete advice. I know through my own experience I had to make many hard decisions to last this long.
Last year and beginning of this year was rough on me. I made a choice though to rather make plans to be open and honest with my doctor and get rid of the suicidal tendencies. After new meds it took me about another two months to become stable and lose the depression. It does pop up now and again, but instead of feeling compelled to kill myaelf, I felt I could move on, because of the time without the depression and the improvement on my life it had.
I do not advocate anything I did to others though, but I completely agree that professional assessment and help is needed, even through Governmental hospitals or clinics, which I use anyway due to no medical aid.
Keep us posted in this thread. If you need any ears as well, feel free to pm me :)
 
|tera| said:
Thank you for the kind words @copacetic.
This isn't an easy situation by a long shot.
I can't give any concrete advice. I know through my own experience I had to make many hard decisions to last this long.
Last year and beginning of this year was rough on me. I made a choice though to rather make plans to be open and honest with my doctor and get rid of the suicidal tendencies. After new meds it took me about another two months to become stable and lose the depression. It does pop up now and again, but instead of feeling compelled to kill myaelf, I felt I could move on, because of the time without the depression and the improvement on my life it had.
I do not advocate anything I did to others though, but I completely agree that professional assessment and help is needed, even through Governmental hospitals or clinics, which I use anyway due to no medical aid.
Keep us posted in this thread. If you need any ears as well, feel free to pm me :)
Click to expand...

Thanks dude, I'm proud of you.
 
I'm in that situation right now and I can't anymore.
It's draining the fukking life out of me and I've made a call. Had to for MY sanity.
And you know what, he made that bed not me.
 
LD50 said:
I'm in that situation right now and I can't anymore.
It's draining the fukking life out of me and I've made a call. Had to for MY sanity.
And you know what, he made that bed not me.
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It's sad yes. When I started this road at high school age I always blamed my family and friends for having to get help with my issues. Years later I know if they didn't I would be off way way worse than I am today. Sometimes intervention by professionals is the only solution.
 
|tera| said:
It's sad yes. When I started this road at high school age I always blamed my family and friends for having to get help with my issues. Years later I know if they didn't I would be off way way worse than I am today. Sometimes intervention by professionals is the only solution.
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yes but there is that saying "kan n perd tot by die water bring, as hy nie wil drink nie sal hy nie"
you can shove that head and mouth under the water. If he DOES NOT WANT TO...
But let's face it Tera, we don't know if Copa's connection here is comparable with you. The impacting factors might be different I dont know
 
LD50 said:
yes but there is that saying "kan n perd tot by die water bring, as hy nie wil drink nie sal hy nie"
you can shove that head and mouth under the water. If he DOES NOT WANT TO...
But let's face it Tera, we don't know if Copa's connection here is comparable with you. The impacting factors might be different I dont know
Click to expand...
I don't disagree with you. I'm not saying my story compares to his. I am just sharing my experience and hopefully it might have helped with his venting, or give some light to anyone that may have faced the same as us.
 
LD50 said:
yes but there is that saying "kan n perd tot by die water bring, as hy nie wil drink nie sal hy nie"
you can shove that head and mouth under the water. If he DOES NOT WANT TO...
But let's face it Tera, we don't know if Copa's connection here is comparable with you. The impacting factors might be different I dont know
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter; we all face challenges, and they are all different.

As it happens I just had a call with the subject of my thread, and (I sincerely hope) talked them down from doing anything dramatic tonight, and please to at the least see a psychiatrist before making any irrevocable decisions. Fingers crossed.
 
Been there done that.

Just walk away for your own sanity.

Especially the ones who talk about it are the ones you generally can’t take seriously and it’s just an emotionally draining rollercoaster for their self absorbed benefit.

The ones who are serious don’t tell other people about it and just do it.
 
copacetic said:
It doesn't matter; we all face challenges, and they are all different.

As it happens I just had a call with the subject of my thread, and (I sincerely hope) talked them down from doing anything dramatic tonight, and please to at the least see a psychiatrist before making any irrevocable decisions. Fingers crossed.
Click to expand...
Great stuff. Fingers crossed with you :) :D :p
 
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