Urgent. Peadophile?

[moose007]

I just dont get why a guy would want to date someone so young,she still has so much ahead of her and the 25 year old has already experienced it,Im 21 years old and i refuse to date anyone younger than 19,no matter how you look at it they act like woman,but still have childish tendencies, I have a friend who's 18 and shes dating a 29 year old guy,i like the guy but hes planning on getting married has a child and she just finished school(not entirely the same story but at such a young age the age diffrence is a huge amount)

But then again people are diffrent, I dont quite think he is a peodofile, but it is wrong

 

[Zenbaas]

I think the OP should

a) place a little bit more trust in his/her daughter to make her own decisions
b) cut the apron strings
c) realise that she is no longer a child but a young woman
d) give the situation the benefit of the doubt and stop assuming things
e) respect his/her daughters right to choose who she see, simply put respect
her freedom of choice
f) respect her right to privacy by not sharing her relationship with all and sundry
g) Realise that most of the answers are outdated values and prudish responces.

If the OP has been a good parent, done their job well, then they should trust their child.

At least now we know the boyfriend joined the discussion

 

[TheHiveMind]

ROFL, very funny..

lol yes I can see how that would look to a parent. Too much of a risk.

But is there any better solution to this problem? Everything I can think of would end up being counter productive. What would YOU do DDV TECH? You haven't offered a solution. You have simply said "No way Id let my kid do that". Well how are you going to stop them? Ban them from seeing eachother? And then the whole thing feels like Romeo and Juliet. A forbidden romance.. Nothing like that to keep the spark alive..

 

[DDV TECH]

At least now we know the boyfriend joined the discussion

LOl, very true.

 

[Nanfeishen]

At least now we know the boyfriend joined the discussion

What are you smoking?

Actualy had a similar experience with an ex's 12 year old daughter and a 16 year old boy. The boy asked the daughter out and her mom freaked.
I simply asked the daughter if she was comfortable going on a date with a 16 year old, she said she felt a little strange but wanted to go.
So i gave them a lift , picked them up afterwards, all went well, and at the end of the evening all the daughter said to me was that she felt he was a little old for her at the moment, and she didnt feel she was ready to date 1 boy excusively.
Problem didnt arise again while i was involved with her mother.
Simply put, i trusted her judgement of the situation and gave her and him the benefit of the doubt.

For those of you who are so naive that you think 16 year olds dont know, or arent mature , or cannot possibly know what they want, i would suggest talking to some inner-city teenagers, they would probably shock the hell out of you.
Considering the divorce stats in SA, do you people really think that teens arent aware of the fragility of relationships, that they dont know the consequences of sex and that boys are generally after one thiing.
Consider how many single mothers are out their bringing up children, believe me these youngsters know whats what.
There are thousands of young teens who grow up seeing physical abuse, verbal abuse in their homes, parents who drink too much , fight too much, and they share these experiences with their friends and classmates.
There are many more wise and worldly young teens out there that you people seem to think.

 

[DDV TECH]

What are you smoking?

Actualy had a similar experience with an ex's 12 year old daughter and a 16 year old boy. The boy asked the daughter out and her mom freaked.
I simply asked the daughter if she was comfortable going on a date with a 16 year old, she said she felt a little strange but wanted to go.
So i gave them a lift , picked them up afterwards, all went well, and at the end of the evening all the daughter said to me was that she felt he was a little old for her at the moment, and she didnt feel she was ready to date 1 boy excusively.
Problem didnt arise again while i was involved with her mother.
Simply put, i trusted her judgement of the situation and gave her and him the benefit of the doubt.

For those of you who are so naive that you think 16 year olds dont know, or arent mature , or cannot possibly know what they want, i would suggest talking to some inner-city teenagers, they would probably shock the hell out of you.
Considering the divorce stats in SA, do you people really think that teens arent aware of the fragility of relationships, that they dont know the consequences of sex and that boys are generally after one thiing.
Consider how many single mothers are out their bringing up children, believe me these youngsters know whats what.
There are thousands of young teens who grow up seeing physical abuse, verbal abuse in their homes, parents who drink too much , fight too much, and they share these experiences with their friends and classmates.
There are many more wise and worldly young teens out there that you people seem to think.

And if she was raped by the 16 year old? Very brave of you to take the gamble with someone else’s child. Do you have children of your own? I don’t think so.

 

[marco]

There seems to be some against and some for and some between.
I have calmed down and am now thinking rationally.
I don't want to alienate her as she is very mature for her age and having sisters 12 years older than her. I will let it be and hopefully it will die out.

 

[PeterCH]

Make me so sad. Whenever i see such a young girl with an old guy my age or older it breaks my heart! I just want to go up to her and give her a hug and say

".... you should rather date me baby. I'll protect you from creeps like me. "

kiddin......don't get angry .

 

[PeterCH]

lol its her decision, and no, she doesn't want you taking that decision away from her (Protection as you call it). She wants d***, and shes going to get it. And telling her not to, is only going to make her do it more haha

I seriously don't think most under-20's want sex. Again I said MOST, some
do but MOST do not. They tend to be co-erced into it, with the guy being to blame for this MOST of the time.

However, I do think there is a possibility that an older guy would date
a younger girl and not want to bonk her too. I don't think one should take
that chance but some guys are not really so into bonking, some
do have a big brother complex and the thought of unripe sushi is pretty
revolting at the same time.

 

[Mephisto_Helix]

I seriously don't think most under-20's want sex. Again I said MOST, some
do but MOST do not. They tend to be co-erced into it, with the guy being to blame for this MOST of the time.

However, I do think there is a possibility that an older guy would date
a younger girl and not want to bonk her too. I don't think one should take
that chance but some guys are not really so into bonking, some
do have a big brother complex and the thought of unripe sushi is pretty
revolting at the same time.

were you born old or something .... ALL under 20's want sex ... fact.

 

[Debbie]

DDV TECH, most 16 years olds in that situation will continue seeing the guy. They will get their friends, their friends' parents, and their siblings to cover for them. This girl is going to be lying to her parents about where she is: she will tell them she's doing an extra-mural, when she isn't; she will say she has a "late" class, when she doesn't; she will have "compulsory" school events - yeah right. She will tell her parents that she's gone to a female friend's house for the night, but neglect to mention that Mr 23yo will be there - hey, maybe he'll stay the night too...

Being expressly forbidden from seeing one another = "stolen fruit is the sweetest". Mr 23yo is now even more attractive to the 16yo.

Edit: marco, glad you have reconsidered. I don't have children. Nevertheless, I'd like to suggest that you tell your daughter that you're weary of this guy's intentions, and for that reason you want to get to know him. Get him to come round for a braai or something and spend the whole night taking notes on how he behaves- does he respect all around him, is he helpful, is he rude or overbearing, etc. Having the guy around your family will reveal him more to your daughter- if he is a bad guy she will see it.

 

[PeterCH]

were you born old or something .... ALL under 20's want sex ... fact.

Haha, YOU wanting it so much coerces them into giving it to you if they're insecure. However many girls simply ignore guys while they're in the 20s while
they do the undergrad studies - at least. I have a cr@pload of friends and family who are like this and these women are beautiful.

 

[iDenTiTy]

Haha, YOU wanting it so much coerces them into giving it to you if they're insecure. However many girls simply ignore guys while they're in the 20s while
they do the undergrad studies - at least. I have a cr@pload of friends and family who are like this and these women are beautiful.

Sorry, but the Varsity I went to must have been full of the "exception" then...

Damn the chicks there were like those Footballer's wives....

 

[Nanfeishen]

And if she was raped by the 16 year old? Very brave of you to take the gamble with someone else’s child. Do you have children of your own? I don’t think so.

If you payed attention, you would have noticed that i happened to take them and pick them up, from the date per se, i never mentioned where they went or what they did.

I never gamble with other peoples lives, and not one of my ex gf's ever doubted my concern for their children.

Have you considered therapy?
You seem to have some unresolved issues there.

 

[DDV TECH]

Whatever you need to do to absolve yourself my friend, if getting personal helps you out, then I’m happy for you. Insulting me will not change the fact that you are wrong, but it takes all types I guess. This thread will go nowhere, whatever you do with your children is fine by me, but remember if you give it your blessing merely to keep the piece, then the blame should fall on you if something goes wrong, like I said before parenting is not a popularity contest. If you forbid it, and she does it anyway the blame is on her, if you consent the blame is on you as a parent.

 

[Debbie]

If you forbid it, and she does it anyway the blame is on her, if you consent the blame is on you as a parent.

So the end result is the same, except you'll feel better about it because it's her fault.

 

[DDV TECH]

So the end result is the same, except you'll feel better about it because it's her fault.

Well Debbie, not really, if she pulls that stunt and you give your blessing, she will go about it unhindered and be convinced that it is ok, which it is not. If you expressly forbid it, it might just get thru to her that you only have her best interest at heart and there might be a problem, if she still decides to chance it, why would that be my fault as a parent then? Knowing you, you will now say that you must be there for her and console her or look after the unexpected bundle of joy. Well if she is mature enough to fusk around, she better well be mature enough to sort out her own ****. I’m done posting in this thread, I’m sure there are many 23+ year old men thanking you for raising children who fusk around with their parents consent. Like I said this thread will go nowhere.

 

[PeterCH]

Sorry, but the Varsity I went to must have been full of the "exception" then...

Damn the chicks there were like those Footballer's wives....

Slutty looking chicks don't have to be slutty. You know 'reputations' are created very quickly and are often based on vidinctive ex-boyfriends who first coerce the woman into things she's not really into then when she's
either not easy enough or made the mistake and was, they create a reputation for her. Some chicks are nymphomaniacs but you'd be suprised
how reasonable and oriented many are. Its the guys who do so much
of the courtship, its sad.

 

[Debbie]

Well Debbie, not really, if she pulls that stunt and you give your blessing, she will go about it unhindered and be convinced that it is ok, which it is not. If you expressly forbid it, it might just get thru to her that you only have her best interest at heart and there might be a problem, if she still decides to chance it, why would that be my fault as a parent then? Knowing you, you will now say that you must be there for her and console her or look after the unexpected bundle of joy. Well if she is mature enough to fusk around, she better well be mature enough to sort out her own ****. I’m done posting in this thread, I’m sure there are many 23+ year old men thanking you for raising children who fusk around with their parents consent. Like I said this thread will go nowhere.

What about an "I don't like it but I'm not so naive to believe I can stop it" attitude?

I deny that there are any 23yo men thanking me for raising children who fusk around with their parent's consent!

 

[iDenTiTy]

Slutty looking chicks don't have to be slutty. You know 'reputations' are created very quickly and are often based on vidinctive ex-boyfriends who first coerce the woman into things she's not really into then when she's
either not easy enough or made the mistake and was, they create a reputation for her. Some chicks are nymphomaniacs but you'd be suprised
how reasonable and oriented many are. Its the guys who do so much
of the courtship, its sad.

I agree with you. What I was trying to get at was the fact that there were some "iffy" chicks.
Was good to see that those girls weren't as respected by most guys as they thought they were...

Yes. Courtship is a domain that belongs to the man (gentleman), but now days I wouldn't be surprised to see the tables turn somewhat (refering to courtship - the true sense of the word)...