What would you do

The_Ogre

The_Ogre

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So my wife calls me now, tells me her ex boyfriend's father passed away.

I know she was very close with his parents (heard it from a few people as well) and she calls me now asking if I'd be ok with her going to visit to pay some respects to her ex's father. I've never even bothered asking if she still visits them...until now

Now I'm not jealous or insecure, but I can't help to feel a little uneasy inside. We have been together for 4 years, married for one of those four years

Would you be ok with a situation like this, knowing her ex of 3 years will be in the vicinity (as far as I heard he moved back home a few months ago).
 
grav80 said:
So my wife calls me now, tells me her ex boyfriend's father passed away.

I know she was very close with his parents (heard it from a few people as well) and she calls me now asking if I'd be ok with her going to visit to pay some respects to her ex's father. I've never even bothered asking if she still visits them...until now

Now I'm not jealous or insecure, but I can't help to feel a little uneasy inside. We have been together for 4 years, married for one of those four years

Would you be ok with a situation like this, knowing her ex of 3 years will be in the vicinity (as far as I heard he moved back home a few months ago).
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Let her go,she chose to marry you so relax.
 
grav80 said:
So my wife calls me now, tells me her ex boyfriend's father passed away.

I know she was very close with his parents (heard it from a few people as well) and she calls me now asking if I'd be ok with her going to visit to pay some respects to her ex's father. I've never even bothered asking if she still visits them...until now

Now I'm not jealous or insecure, but I can't help to feel a little uneasy inside. We have been together for 4 years, married for one of those four years

Would you be ok with a situation like this, knowing her ex of 3 years will be in the vicinity (as far as I heard he moved back home a few months ago).
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She's your wife mate.

Everything you say in here points to the fact that she was close to the old man and she wants to pay her respect.

Wait, let me say this again... SHE'S YOUR WIFE !!!

Let her go if she wants to, don't lose any sleep over it or even ask her how it went when she comes back. She's your wife not your slave. I let my wife go where she wants when she wants. That is just me but I don't want my wife locked in a house just because she married me. She is still who she was when we met and still goes on doing her things like before. She goes off to visit friends, go out sometimes only come back the following afternoon and we have a wonderful relationship.

She get's pee'd off with me taking fat chances sometimes by going out with mates and staying away for days and so on. So she has reason to have issues with me trying to do it and it makes it a mission sometimes for me to get her approval but I only have myself to blame. She has never given me the slightest reason do doubt her, unlike me :D

*In the end, if you feel uncomfortable let her know I guess. I just can't live like that personally. If you know she loves you why worry? She made her choice and she's happy with it I assume.*
 
Offer to go with as a show of support, there's no reason she has to go alone, don't push the issue.
 
agree with the above, what would you like her to do if the shoe were on the other foot?
 
Thanks for the support guys. We really don't have a problem with trust and I swear its the first time in our relationship I'm feeling this way, and I think its because its her ex. I already told her I have no problem with her going

I don't however think its a good idea to offer to go with her.
 
grav80 said:
Thanks for the support guys. We really don't have a problem with trust and I swear its the first time in our relationship I'm feeling this way, and I think its because its her ex. I already told her I have no problem with her going

I don't however think its a good idea to offer to go with her.
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Dont beat yourself up... IMO it's natural to have these worrying feelings as i know i would when ex's are involved, but from what you say it sounds like you have a solid relationship. Perhaps suggest that she pays her respects and then meet for dinner or lunch afterwards... That way she cant be there all day, and from your side you can chat to her and be a supportive husband... Just an idea
 
grav80 said:
Thanks for the support guys. We really don't have a problem with trust and I swear its the first time in our relationship I'm feeling this way, and I think its because its her ex. I already told her I have no problem with her going

I don't however think its a good idea to offer to go with her.
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It's not a bad idea to go with. Maybe she didn't ask since her ex will be there and she doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Tell her you'll be more than willing to go with her should she require you to. But as mentioned before, don't push the issue. If she knows you are ok with going she'll prob say it's fine. If not let her deal with her issues on the day and come back in the evening and you can then console her and she will realize what a great man you are :)
 
Pitbull said:
From where I'm sitting if she wanted him to go she would have asked him :o

Just my 2c's anyway.
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OR she didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable social situation and make him feel 'forced' to be there.

Its difficult to predict what another person wants, and assuming one way or the other is a recipe for disaster.

In all honesty only the coupe themselves have any degree of understanding of the dynamic between then (and then only partially at best). But in my experience it would be better to make the offer than have it brought up later as 'you don't support me..." Or whatever.
 
EnchanterG said:
OR she didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable social situation and make him feel 'forced' to be there.

Its difficult to predict what another person wants, and assuming one way or the other is a recipe for disaster.

In all honesty only the coupe themselves have any degree of understanding of the dynamic between then (and then only partially at best). But in my experience it would be better to make the offer than have it brought up later as 'you don't support me..." Or whatever.
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I know, that is why I said that. I didn't mean it in a way that she wants time alone with her ex. This is what I meant with it.
 
One of us will need to watch the kids so I'd rather do that then drag them along to house filled with bereavement

//that's the best excuse I could come up with (and slightly valid as well :) )
 
Good grief, where's the humanity? Someone has passed away and the lady wants to pay her respects. Drop the ego and show a little heart, for crying out loud
 
grav80 said:
One of us will need to watch the kids so I'd rather do that then drag them along to house filled with bereavement

//that's the best excuse I could come up with (and slightly valid as well :) )
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Yea man, relax. You will be fine.
You know your wife better than any of us would ever know. Best is: look after the kids and give her a shoulder to cry on when she comes home :)
 
Pitbull said:
Yea man, relax. You will be fine.
You know your wife better than any of us would ever know. Best is: look after the kids and give her a shoulder to cry on when she comes home :)
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+1 - couldn't have said it better myself

Flarkit, there is nothing wrong with what he's done. His emotions and feelings are totaly valid, and I for one admire his strength of chararcter to tactfully avoid a scene and stay home with the kids (which he couldn't do if crazed by jealousy or ego).
 
Pitbull said:
Yea man, relax. You will be fine.
You know your wife better than any of us would ever know. Best is: look after the kids and give her a shoulder to cry on when she comes home :)
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Cool, thanks

I guess the main reason I started this thread was to see what people's opinions are on their current partners telling them they'll be in a situation where the ex is involved as well. Had a chat to my colleague sitting next to me and (quote). "*** dit ek sal nie laat sy gaan nie, want ek meng my nie met my ex se sake nie en ek verwag dieselfde van haar"

Translation: "&^%( that! I won't allow her to go. I don't mix with my ex's and I expect the same from her.".

I wholeheartedly differ of opinion to him though
 
grav80 said:
Cool, thanks

I guess the main reason I started this thread was to see what people's opinions are on their current partners telling them they'll be in a situation where the ex is involved as well. Had a chat to my colleague sitting next to me and (quote). "*** dit ek sal nie laat sy gaan nie, want ek meng my nie met my ex se sake nie en ek verwag dieselfde van haar"

Translation: "&^%( that! I won't allow her to go. I don't mix with my ex's and I expect the same from her.".

I wholeheartedly differ of opinion to him though
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That in itself says allot about his relationship with his wife. People need to learn to live and let live. More and more people would be happier instead of turning in divorce courts. I can't see myself married to someone I don't trust, I mean what's the point.
 
Pitbull said:
That in itself says allot about his relationship with his wife. People need to learn to live and let live. More and more people would be happier instead of turning in divorce courts. I can't see myself married to someone I don't trust, I mean what's the point.
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.

good point ....trust is everything and the OP has been with his wife for 4 years now and have kids ..what there not to trust
 
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