Wife cheated

gregmcc

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Very sad but good that you have spoken to an attorney. As much as it hurts you need to move on.
She can never be trusted and if you don't divorce you will always be thinking is she cheating again. It will drive you mental.

Not going to be easy now with covid, but sterkte.
 

gregmcc

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@James 77 don't tell his wife. Two wrongs don't make a right and you'll feel terrible afterwards.
It's a difficult one. If you were his wife wouldn't you want to know if your husband was cheating? I would sure as hell want to know so I can moer and then divorce then.
 

James 77

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I
Not a nice situation to be in at all.. it's hard but you need to move on and try keep away as much as possible and stop yourself from any form of trying to "work it out" as that's just going to make it worse for you and make you feel even worse.

By the sounds of it she's moved on (at least she thinks she has), it's best to let her be and maybe she will realise the error of her ways but until then just try get on with your life and distract yourself from obsessing about it.

Not easy during lockdown I guess.
I agree. The lockdown situation makes everything a bit more difficult. For me at least.

after everything she says she is still thinking about everything, but I told her I’m moving on.
 

James 77

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Very sad but good that you have spoken to an attorney. As much as it hurts you need to move on.
She can never be trusted and if you don't divorce you will always be thinking is she cheating again. It will drive you mental.

Not going to be easy now with covid, but sterkte.
I agree, it will obviously always be this way if she is so easy to seduce.
Thank you
 

maumau

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It's a difficult one. If you were his wife wouldn't you want to know if your husband was cheating? I would sure as hell want to know so I can moer and then divorce then.

Don't get involved. A "friend" told my sister-in-law that my brother was cheating on her. They went for marriage counselling but SIL constantly suspected my brother of having another affair. Eventually they got divorced but ex SIL committed suicide.

What could have been a short-lived fling turned into a tragedy.
 

Ancalagon

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Don't get involved. A "friend" told my sister-in-law that my brother was cheating on her. They went for marriage counselling but SIL constantly suspected my brother of having another affair. Eventually they got divorced but ex SIL committed suicide.

What could have been a short-lived fling turned into a tragedy.

Tragic, but what would be a better outcome? That the SIL lives a lie? That the SIL catches her husband in bed with someone else?

Not sure how any of the blame for what went wrong can be laid at the feet of the person who told her.
 

maumau

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Tragic, but what would be a better outcome? That the SIL lives a lie? That the SIL catches her husband in bed with someone else?

Not sure how any of the blame for what went wrong can be laid at the feet of the person who told her.

Brother was wrong for sure.

They'd made a decision not to have children so she could accept a very well paid but demanding job with an international company. So plenty to spend, not much to spend it on except lots and lots of drugs. It all went tits up.

Won't derail anymore - sorry OP.
 

pb41

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A truly horrible situation and I wish you all the strength to get through it. I can recommend the following very helpful website which includes a section on understanding and dealing with infidelity :
 

roadcat

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So we spent a lot of time talking and she said they have been talking for a while and it turned sexual, and she didn’t stop it.
She says it’s been going on for a month and a half now, but they just had sex last week. And that it was just out of lust for both of them, and nothing more afterwards for either.
She says she realised too late how great we are.

bottom line, I spoke to the attorney. The ball is rolling.

for basically a hookup out of lust she gave up our marriage.
Could be that after 3 years of marriage she was longing for the old days of being free and succumbed to temptation. Then realised it wasn't for her and what she already had what she wants? Feels guilty hence giving you a way out.

Just a possibility..

Been married for 18 years+, and still very happily married, but always wonder what I would have done if I had been subjected to serious temptation in the 1st few years..
 

johnjm

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I have some very personal friends whose wives and husbands did something similar.

At the end of the day you make a choice, to walk away or to mend it. Believe it or not, it is fixable and those that I know went through the process of repair (includes counselling) have the strongest marriages now.

It seems people are so quick to walk away, not realising that its usually a symptom of something else that is the root cause. That’s why counselling is important.

The irony is that those that are on the receiving end of physical abuse stay in that marriage when they should not. But I digress.

OP needs to make a decision. If there are kids I would urge him to at least try. If not then meh, his choice. Hopefully both find happiness.
 

skimread

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So we spent a lot of time talking and she said they have been talking for a while and it turned sexual, and she didn’t stop it.
She says it’s been going on for a month and a half now, but they just had sex last week. And that it was just out of lust for both of them, and nothing more afterwards for either.
She says she realised too late how great we are.

bottom line, I spoke to the attorney. The ball is rolling.

for basically a hookup out of lust she gave up our marriage.
If she had a lust for someone that grow over time it means at no moment did her commitment to you stop her from that lust growing for someone else. That's not a drunk mistake. You also had to raise it with her. Her conscious didn't make bring it up first and beg for forgiveness. She has a polygamous nature. Some marriages can have those relationships and allow both sides to have an open relationship as they acknowledge each other's nature. But the one thing you can't do is change her nature. That has been conditioned into her from before you met her. That is who she is. What she says she is, is just a mask. Talking is not going to fix it.
 

James 77

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A truly horrible situation and I wish you all the strength to get through it. I can recommend the following very helpful website which includes a section on understanding and dealing with infidelity :
Thank you very much
 
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