Wife cheated

[my meneer is 'n beer]

Moer him.

 

[OCP]

seeing the responses I may be a bit of a dick about it. I make it very clear that we can "do this" , but dont be in my house at 7am. I also like crazy woman.... they best in the sack. Not mother material.

That's why my room is far away on the other side of the house + my girls love it when my girlfriend and her son sleep over - it means they get pancakes in the morning

 

[Big Rat]

We're derailing OP's thread here!

Look it's easy to say, and I hear you. The problem was the mother would never have allowed me to keep the kid and let her leave alone. I had no legal leg to stand on, especially given that I'm not the father. The other problem was my (now) wife hated the mother with a passion and it would have been impossible to even run the thought by my wife to keep the kid.

Need a bit of excitement in your life man Realised i sound a bit preachy there, sorry,, but given i raised my sister's kids and they are mine no matter who says what. my SO understands and fully supports luckily.

 

[Rocket-Boy]

I agree, beating him up will only make me feel better for a while. Which is worth it in a sense, but she is equally to blame.

Financially is alright. I have 20 K's worth of assets in my name, and we are married out of community of property.

Dont be stupid about it, you will get nothing from beating the dude up.
The only probably outcome will be an assault charge, you will really battle to get a visa for another country with a criminal record.

 

[WorldWarIII]

/Wall of text

Are you sure you're not female?

these are the kind of responses that make a wife want to cheat on you.

 

[konfab]

I agree, and up until last week Wednesday we were happy. No one ever thought she’d be the one cheating. It makes me feel inadequate. But I know I’m not. I offered her everything and she had a great life.

But yeah she obviously doesn’t have any respect for our marriage. And I didn’t mess it up.

That is also a very curious statement to make.

Where does this marriage sit in the list of relationships you and your soon-to-be ex-wife have had?

 

[James 77]

What are you goign to do if she tells you?

Depends on who it is

 

[James 77]

I think we as members should come together for the OP during this tuff time and put together a fund to get him some professional help. I’m prepared to donate to a good cause

Thank you for the offering

 

[James 77]

Leave - simple as it sounds, but it aint. Honestly, just leave. Hanging around, is causing more damage to YOU.
Its at this point you need to be selfish. Think of YOUR wellbeing.

So it didnt work out - ok - you gonna cray for days on end, but its NOT worth the impact it has on your life. Like everyone said, be happy it happened early.

if she doesnt wanna leave, YOU leave, but just stop seeing her. Sounds narcissistic to me (her actions). She knows the hurt she is causing you, and her staying around is playing into that... making her fer like you still want her (the questions you have and the look you give her). This is TOXIC! and it can ruin your entire life, so take everyone's advice and just walk out.

Had a good friend actually load his car with his clothes and drove to another province - left everything behind. 7 years later, the guy is happily married and living large. It was all possible by self love and focusing his emotion on something productive... he is better off (financially and emotionally) `now than before his divorce.

All the best... remember, you need to be ok yourself firstly -- unless you that guy that won millions after his partner left him kidding!!!

Ha ha I will definitely buy a powerball ticket.
Thank you for the advice, I agree. It’s totally selfish and narcissistic. She is worried about what her family will think, because she cheated

 

[James 77]

That is also a very curious statement to make.

Where does this marriage sit in the list of relationships you and your soon-to-be ex-wife have had?

we both had a few. This one was and is always the best. She says she regrets it now

 

[James 77]

My gut feel is she wants to leave you but doesn't have the courage, so she's trying to make you leave her (to assuage her own guilt or in a misguided attempt to make you feel better about the outcome?). Hence the affair or the pretense thereof - and her statements about wanting you to hate her.

I fully agree.

 

[James 77]

Total and unutterable bollocks.

I have been cheated on before and it had sweet fsck all to do with me or anything I did, my partner at the time was just a slut who slept around like the village bicycle I eventually found out, and she has done it to multiple "boyfriends" since me.

Agreed. I can’t justify her behaviour in any way. I can’t control her decisions.

 

[James 77]

There's life after divorce...
get a ****buddy, no commitments or financial investment. Just don't let her move in.

This forsure

 

[James 77]

so,

can i get her number?


Im kidding, I really feel for you man, its one of my biggest fears in life, Not getting physically hurt, not being homeless, not starving.... But being cheated on.
Personally i think its one of 2 things

She didnt bang him, she just knew that would help you end it and boot her out. You guys married young, she might feel that shes "wasting her good years while her friends can still party", also the house buying might have scared her off? But shes changed her mind and thats why you guys are still chatting and it seems "fine"

or She banged him, told you , and wants to get out, but is hoping you give her something to help going forward

Either way, Dump her at her parents (Do the right thing by them. They didnt hurt you, they just failed as parents)
If you uber her there, or chuck her on a bus you wont get the closure you deserve

Good luck going forward man. I do not envy your situation at all

I agree. Most of our friends (hers as well) are married, and moving on with their lives. I’m ready to move on with mine as well.

 

[James 77]

With a paternity test yuo have to give two addresses. One for the mother and one for the alleged father, so naturally you're not allowed to give the same address and since we were living together at the time I was forced (thank Jah) to give a friend of mine's address.

When my letter was delivered, he called me, so I told him to open it and read to me WTF it said.

"There's a 99.99% possibility that paternity can be excluded". For as long as I live I will never forget those words.

I knew what I had to do, but before I did anything I went to the daycare and spent a few hours with the kid, saying goodbye.

It hurt incredibly much!!!

After that I went home and went to work on getting rid of that bitch

That is hectic af

 

[James 77]

She is too nonchalant about cheating. She had no emotional connection to the guy but just cheated. This is a huge warning sign. It means you married a slut who wanted to try marriage. It might have felt special to you but to her a long-term commitment was something she wanted to try. It didn't make her happy. Now she wants an out. She is waiting for you to get angry so she can have a reason to say you behave X way and that is why she is leaving you. The fact that she admitted cheating will help you in divorce proceedings. Don't screw it up by extending it.

I agree. This is it exactly

 

[James 77]

Dont be stupid about it, you will get nothing from beating the dude up.
The only probably outcome will be an assault charge, you will really battle to get a visa for another country with a criminal record.

That’s very true

 

[James 77]

So we spent a lot of time talking and she said they have been talking for a while and it turned sexual, and she didn’t stop it.
She says it’s been going on for a month and a half now, but they just had sex last week. And that it was just out of lust for both of them, and nothing more afterwards for either.
She says she realised too late how great we are.

bottom line, I spoke to the attorney. The ball is rolling.

for basically a hookup out of lust she gave up our marriage.

 

[James 77]

Thanks for everyone’s support and advice.

 

[blunt]

Not a nice situation to be in at all.. it's hard but you need to move on and try keep away as much as possible and stop yourself from any form of trying to "work it out" as that's just going to make it worse for you and make you feel even worse.

By the sounds of it she's moved on (at least she thinks she has), it's best to let her be and maybe she will realise the error of her ways but until then just try get on with your life and distract yourself from obsessing about it.

Not easy during lockdown I guess.