Wife cheated

EMAM said:
Really?
And men don't?
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I dont think anyone is saying men dont lie , what I meant was that when a man gets caught he owns it. And again, in experience, I have witnessed numerous woman just kinda skip that step of ownership and try blame it on something else , no matter how damning the evidence is. Its wiring.
 
James 77 said:
I brought it up in conversation, previously as well as now after all of this. And she still says no, never. She doesn’t want to do it, and she is disgusted with everything. She asked me even now until everything is finalised to not sleep around, obviously I won’t.

Im 29 and she is 2 years younger. We were both at university, I for 6 years and she 4.
When we started dating she asked me to never ever cheat on her, past relationships, and to rather end the relationship before even considering it.

In terms of finance and faith it’s not something to really talk about.

our value system obviously differs, but she was always very strongly against cheating. Wether physical or emotional
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Sorry to say but you keep on saying its over and you will move on, but it also keeps looking like you are asking and looking for ways to stay with her.
Its your life you can make your own choices. But I will say it again, Run Forest run. Cheating is not only about sex, its the adrenalin rush, its like a drug, Like Robbie Wessels say Verbode vrugte. She will do it again and again. Run Forest run.
 
And then there is the rule of thumb:
If a man says the adultery meant nothing emotionally to him he's probably telling the truth.
If a woman says the adultery meant nothing emotionally to her she's probably lying.

Men typically cheat for physical reasons and woman typically cheat for emotional reasons.
 
EMAM said:
I'm getting a little confused now..... According to your OP, she confessed, you didn't catch her
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She confessed after I asked her wether she was having an affair, because of her actions.
 
johnjm said:
There is something very off with the OP. I can’t put my finger on it but there is something definitely amiss.
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I tend to agree with you here

/edit

And, for someone who was supposedly so happy and in love, things moved very quickly in a very calm manner
 
Jean Claude Vaaldamme said:
Sorry to say but you keep on saying its over and you will move on, but it also keeps looking like you are asking and looking for ways to stay with her.
Its your life you can make your own choices. But I will say it again, Run Forest run. Cheating is not only about sex, its the adrenalin rush, its like a drug, Like Robbie Wessels say Verbode vrugte. She will do it again and again. Run Forest run.
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No I won’t definitely. Paperwork is sorted, and she will be out by the end of the day.
 
johnjm said:
There is something very off with the OP. I can’t put my finger on it but there is something definitely amiss.
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Like ? Obviously the forum gives an outlet to explain the situation and help me make better sense of it.
It’s a situation that I will probably never understand

Its not to make anyone the bad guy here.
 
johnjm said:
There is something very off with the OP. I can’t put my finger on it but there is something definitely amiss.
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Probably just venting and finding ways to soothe his conciounce for whatever exactly he chose to do to resolve it.
 
SauRoNZA said:
Is letting her carry on and have her fun an option at all OP?

Monogamy isn’t really a normal human condition regardless of how we try to force it.

Maybe a more open relationship and acceptance of her needs is a possibility?

The whole parents thing is weird though? Seems like an incorrect conclusion from my point of view. Care if I ask what age you/she is? And from what cultural background?
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Different strokes, yeah?

Some of us are wired differently, and view monogamy as a non-negotiable.
 
This exactly. If everyone gave advice to tell me and try to resolve it, I would have tried. But no one did. None of my close friends either. I don’t want to look back and say I should tried.
rambo919 said:
Probably just venting and finding ways to soothe his conciounce for whatever exactly he chose to do to resolve it.
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James 77 said:
This exactly. If everyone gave advice to tell me and try to resolve it, I would have tried. But no one did. None of my close friends either. I don’t want to look back and say I should tried.
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The kicker being there is no way of looking back and not regretting something no matter what you do.
 
James 77 said:
Like ? Obviously the forum gives an outlet to explain the situation and help me make better sense of it.
It’s a situation that I will probably never understand

Its not to make anyone the bad guy here.
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You paint yourself being the perfect person, yet you seem cold and calculated. That’s just my impression of you. You lack emotion.

I do hope you speak to a therapist either way, and I hope she does to at some point.
 
johnjm said:
You paint yourself being the perfect person, yet you seem cold and calculated. That’s just my impression of you. You lack emotion.

I do hope you speak to a therapist either way, and I hope she does to at some point.
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The guy is probably still in shock. This cannot possible be easy. I can't imagine what I would do in the same situation.
 
Rajah said:
The guy is probably still in shock. This cannot possible be easy. I can't imagine what I would do in the same situation.
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His reactions and reply’s are the opposite to what is termed as emotion. He is cold.
 
johnjm said:
You paint yourself being the perfect person, yet you seem cold and calculated. That’s just my impression of you. You lack emotion.

I do hope you speak to a therapist either way, and I hope she does to at some point.
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I understand, and I do feel emotion definitely. There’s a lot of emotion
I will definitely make an appointment to see one.
This situation will always hurt me.

But I’m far from the perfect person.
 
Rajah said:
And maybe that is his way of dealing with the shock? Who are you and me to decide how he must react to what must feel like the rug being pulled out from under his feet?
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It’s a massive shock, she was everything to me. I need a coping mechanism, it helps to hear different inputs.

It doesn’t mean my heart didn’t and doesn’t break.
 
Rajah said:
And maybe that is his way of dealing with the shock? Who are you and me to decide how he must react to what must feel like the rug being pulled out from under his feet?
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Like I said. I can’t put my finger on it. Something is off.
 
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