Wife issues [Solved]

Anonymouse123 said:
Will stop the spying because what is a relationship without trust.

Going to ask her if she's happy if she wants out. We might need to look at counselling

Sex life is pretty much the same if not better since she's off birth control. And yes I am wrapping the D

Trust arrives on foot but leaves in a Ferrari.
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You say this...and yet you didn't trust her enough to leave her phone alone.

Anonymouse123 said:
I'll admit and apologize for snooping through the phone.
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Okay that's better. Ignore the above then.
 
Cr419 said:
You are a better person than me. I'm calm and all, but messages like that, I wouldn't even have waited 5 minutes for a massive confrontation. Sometimes that is needed to sort drama out.
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I wanted to. The in laws left late last night and I just didn't have the will power to do it. I also wanted to think it through
 
Emjay said:
@Anonymouse123, there are two possibilities here. It's either the beginning of an emotional relationship at this stage or she is just looking for attention to feel attractive. After having two kids, there is a good chance of the latter.

Emotional attachments are a lot more dangerous to your marriage than a pure sexual relationship imo. There are ways to fix a marriage if there are sexual issues if both parties are open, but if you are detached and not doing well on an emotional level, it can be quite difficult in mending things.

I suggest you don't beat about this bush and confront this ASAP. Don't be confrontational, or angry when you approach her. Sit her down away from the kids and other distractions and tell her what you have found. Tell her you are heartbroken, but love her, and your life together and you want to understand why this is happening, and work on a way to fix things.

She is going to lash out at you. She is going to be embarrassed, feel like her privacy has been invaded, and make up all sorts of excuses. You just need to be firm (don't escalate, because it can turn ugly really quickly). Ask that she cut off all contact so you can move on over this bump together. It's going to be a bit of a process, but cool heads and open communication will prevail.

Without understanding the underlying issues in your marriage, or your wife, it's really hard to give any other advise. It sucks. Must have felt like being punched in the stomach when you saw those messages. She could just be feeling like she needs attention (all women do at different times of their lives).
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Some proper advice.

I on the other hand, were I in your shoes would go contrary to the good advice which can at times seem rather generic. I'd ditch the bitch.
Life's too complicated enough. Fixing something that is clearly cracked and will inevitably fall to pieces is more effort than its worth 9 times out of 10.

My trust, in such an instance, would have been broken and once that happens, there's no way back to what it was for me. That's just me though and I realize every person is different. 'Fixing' something now only for it to rear it's ugly head down the line potentially, isn't a fix at all.

It's just.... sometimes working through something such as this isn't the ONLY option. Walking away is an option too. Living and letting live is an option. The thing with taboo feelings is they don't just magically turn off. It's like an itch that has to be scratched.

Disclaimer : Just my thoughts on this and how I'd react in your position. I appreciate everybody handles different situations differently.
 
SauRoNZA said:
You say this...and yet you didn't trust her enough to leave her phone alone.



Okay that's better. Ignore the above then.
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I have for years until she started being so protective of it.

In a marriage we often used each others phones even if for checking weather or time etc, recently she's been too attached
 
MEIOT said:
Some proper advice.

I on the other hand, were I in your shoes would go contrary to the good advice which can at times seem rather generic. I'd ditch the bitch.
Life's too complicated enough. Fixing something that is clearly cracked and will inevitably fall to pieces is more effort than its worth 9 times out of 10.

My trust, in such an instance, would have been broken and once that happens, there's no way back to what it was for me. That's just me though and I realize every person is different. 'Fixing' something now only for it to rear it's ugly head down the line potentially, isn't a fix at all.

It's just.... sometimes working through something such as this isn't the ONLY option. Walking away is an option too. Living and letting live is an option. The thing with taboo feelings is they don't just magically turn off. It's like an itch that has to be scratched.

Disclaimer : Just my thoughts on this and how I'd react in your position. I appreciate everybody handles different situations differently.
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**** mate kids make is so complicated.
 
Anonymouse123 said:
**** mate kids make is so complicated.
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Yeah - the age old story about how folks stay together for the sake of their kids and their kids end up more effed up than if they had amicably parted
 
DO NOT screenshot phones. Do not install keyloggers. Do not confront her on the contents of her private phone. Do not violate her trust or privacy. This is a very slippery slope and will work against your relationship in the long run. It also heightens the emotions, which often leads to rash things being done or said.

Women will not cheat on a spouse as easily as a man.

Take time to compose yourself and think about the best way forward for you both. This most certainly doesn't include snooping through messages and photos. Only take action once you are certain of your plan of action. If she sleeps with him in the interim, so be it. Remain fair and logical and you will achieve the best possible outcome.

In your situation, I suspect that the next step might be to WAIT for another time where she is defensive over her phone and question that first. "Babe, I'm concerned that you're quite defensive over me seeing your phone lately and that is out of character for you. I trust you completely, but it's just giving me weird vibes. Is everything ok?" Once again, do not orchestrate the situation, just relax yourself and wait for the right time. As hard as it may seem, try to remain calm and don't work yourself up. It may still be for nothing.

Lastly, don't listen to online advice for a personal problem. None of us know your relationship better than you. There are no rules to fixing marriages. Just hard work and mutual trust. Hence I suggested earlier that you do not violate the trust of your relationship. This will be the cornerstone of your happiness in the long term. Good luck, sir.
 
Man u so young.....you cant just wait and wait. You have to confront and move on from it or say bye. There are too many available woman in the world, to go crazy for one. I will never promote divorce but if one or the other is not in it, sadly there is nothing to do. Wish you all the best.
 
crocopede said:
I beg to differ. First n foremost phone snooping is not a thing. If you married its fair game. Anyone saying differently can go FT.
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That is so wrong.

It's not fair game at all.

The point would rather be to trust one another enough that your phones could be completely unlocked because you trust the other person NOT to go snooping around.

Trust isn't about laying it all bare so anyone can do anything with the other's stuff as they please.

It's not even about personal privacy as much as it can be about the privacy of others. Like your wife's friend telling her something in confidence that you become privy to through snooping.

There should be no need at all for anything to be fair game or for you to ever go look at your wife's personal stuff on her phone.

FT indeed, whatever that means.
 
MEIOT said:
Yeah - the age old story about how folks stay together for the sake of their kids and their kids end up more effed up than if they had amicably parted
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In an age of disposable marriages this is far too often the default response - run.

But yes, I personally know of a marriage that really needed to end for the sake of he kids.
 
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