Wife issues [Solved]

[MEIOT]

I agree. You're basically giving up aspects of your individuality when you marry. Don't like it, don't get married.

Couldn't disagree more.

Individuality should never be compromised in a relationship.

 

[cupcake]

No. thats in your opinion and defined by your culture/beliefs. The marriage laws state nothing about the above. In fact, giving up who you are is the worst thing you can do.
Unless of course you like wifey picking out your undies and check shirts/chinos ;p

If you don't want to be married don't take the vows, it's a promise that is made to your partner.

So many people commit to something that they don't actually want to reap the benefits of the union.

They won't reveal needs and wants to their partner because they know it's a deal breaker and instead go behind their back to forfill those needs, it's selfish and cowardly to say the least.

 

[Nick333]

Re: reading your partners messages. Lol @ it being a violation of her trust. She's already violated yours so fcck that noise. We all know when things are "off" in a relationship, and we almost always know why. And when someone doesn't want you to see their phone it's almost invariably because there's something on their phone they don't want you to see. I mean there's a difference between being insanely jealous and wanting to keep constant tabs on your partners communications, and having that instinctive feeling that somethings changed with them and in your relationship and being justifiably suspicious. If they were innocent and the change was because of something else entirely they would understand your feelings and give you access without getting defensive.

Anyway @OP if you want to fix things with your wife, you need to forgive her first. That's not some wishy-washy, inspirational, poster sentiment, it's just a fact. The only way you can be sure she really wants to fix things with you (and be trusted again) is if you're not trying to guilt her into staying and behaving.

 

[Nick333]

No. thats in your opinion and defined by your culture/beliefs. The marriage laws state nothing about the above. In fact, giving up who you are is the worst thing you can do.
Unless of course you like wifey picking out your undies and check shirts/chinos ;p

Yeah, and I'm pretty sure most people here share my culture, and those don't have shyt cultures. Fcck the law. And I said some aspects, not all.

 

[WaxLyrical]

No. thats in your opinion and defined by your culture/beliefs. The marriage laws state nothing about the above. In fact, giving up who you are is the worst thing you can do.
Unless of course you like wifey picking out your undies and check shirts/chinos ;p

You're certainly giving up your right to chat and flirt secretly with other individuals without spouses knowledge.

Send me your wife's number if I'm wrong.

 

[Nick333]

Couldn't disagree more.

Individuality should never be compromised in a relationship.

Sorry, but that's just new agey nonsense. Marriage is about prioritising another person's happiness and well being along with your own. The chances of being able to do that without compromising aspects of your individuality are virtually nil. Relationships are all about compromise.

 

[Heisenborg]

Sorry, but that's just new agey nonsense. Marriage is about prioritising another person's happiness and well being along with your own. The chances of being able to do that without compromising aspects of your individuality are virtually nil. Relationships are all about compromise.

Thats the thing about an opinion. Yours is yours and mine is mine.

But you are still wrong

 

[The Darkness]

If you don't want to be married don't take the vows, it's a promise that is made to your partner.

So many people commit to something that they don't actually want to reap the benefits of the union.

They won't reveal needs and wants to their partner because they know it's a deal breaker and instead go behind their back to forfill those needs, it's selfish and cowardly to say the least.

Firstly, you are not in the shoes of these 'selfish and cowardly' people. you have no context on which to base this comment. You don't know what leads to people making internal decisions. Life is complex.
Secondly, marriage is NOT vows. It's a legal contract. Now if you are talking religious marriage, then vows mean ZERO. I've been to second and third weddings all the time. Vows mean squat. The marriage LAWS state nothing about losing your identity, not watching porn or not banging the neighbour. Nothing. Keep your religion to yourself, as its personal, they all differ, and frankly, you are being intolerant and ultimately hypocritical in doing so.

 

[ArmatageShanks]

Sorry, but that's just new agey nonsense. Marriage is about prioritising another person's happiness and well being along with your own. The chances of being able to do that without compromising aspects of your individuality are virtually nil. Relationships are all about compromise.

Indeed.

 

[The Darkness]

Sorry, but that's just new agey nonsense. Marriage is about prioritising another person's happiness and well being along with your own. The chances of being able to do that without compromising aspects of your individuality are virtually nil. Relationships are all about compromise.

garbage

 

[MEIOT]

Sorry, but that's just new agey nonsense. Marriage is about prioritising another person's happiness and well being along with your own. The chances of being able to do that without compromising aspects of your individuality are virtually nil. Relationships are all about compromise.

Sure thing bud - you go on compromising yourself and expecting the same from your wife. Kudos to you. A real 'non-agey' man apparently. If you think you deserve a medal - you don't bud.

Relationships are about compromise - indeed - not at all about eroding someones else's personality or individuality.
Just because you married the person doesn't mean her/his dreams and goals and personality, character and ambitions MUST align to yours....or else.

Grow up

 

[Pitbull]

Couldn't disagree more.

Individuality should never be compromised in a relationship.

Huh?

Ofc you do. You need to be part of a unit. Not two different units, else it will never work. We all give up a little as compromise so we can live together and be happy.

 

[SauRoNZA]

I really fccking hate this pretence that we don't all know the rules of relationships. Like they're really complicated and things aren't always how they seem. Nope, they're really simple, and if you think someone's cheating (sexually or emotionally) they probably are.

Here's why people cheat: relationships are exciting and make us feel all sorts of good in the beginning, then they become normal. We miss the initial excitement of mutual attraction, we don't know how to reignite something approaching it in our existing relationship, so we get it by iniating it in new relationships. You can rationalise it as harmless, but at the end of the day if you're getting it outside your primary relationship, you're cheating your partner.

You forgot the part about some people being so deeply insecure that they see a cheater behind every bush.

You know what that does? It actually makes a cheater, because if someone constantly feels that axe over their head eventually they figure they may as well just do what they are being accused of constantly.

One can get all that “initial excitement” from other people in the real world without actually ****ing them.

Getting it outside your relationship isn’t harmless, but having a bit of a flirt really is just that.

Toeing the line is exactly what makes monogamy work, because humans were never meant to stick to one partner for life.

Making that line ridiculously rigid and inflexible is exactly where cheating and divorce originates.

I agree her hiding of it and keeping it secretive is a problem. But I question where that originates from and why she feels the need to do so. More often than not it’s because of an overbearing, controlling partner and little to no personal freedom.

 

[MEIOT]

Huh?

Ofc you do. You need to be part of a unit. Not two different units, else it will never work. We all give up a little as compromise so we can live together and be happy.

I said individuality shouldn't be compromised

Individuality is the state or quality of being an individual; particularly of being a person separate from other people and possessing their own needs or goals, rights and responsibilities.

individuality
/ˌɪndɪvɪdʒʊˈalɪti/
noun

1. 1.
   the quality or character of a particular person or thing that distinguishes them from others of the same kind, especially when strongly marked.
   "clothes with real style and individuality"
   synonyms:uniqueness, originality, singularity, particularity, peculiarity, distinctiveness, distinction, differentness, separateness; More
   
   
   • 
     
2. 2.
   separate existence.
   "anything but individuality, anything but aloneness"

 

[Heisenborg]

You forgot the part about some people being so deeply insecure that they see a cheater behind every bush.

You know what that does? It actually makes a cheater, because if someone constantly feels that axe over their head eventually they figure they may as well just do what they are being accused of constantly.

One can get all that “initial excitement” from other people in the real world without actually ****ing them.

Getting it outside your relationship isn’t harmless, but having a bit of a flirt really is just that.

Toeing the line is exactly what makes monogamy work, because humans were never meant to stick to one partner for life.

wtaf

 

[The_Librarian]

any tl;dr yet?

 

[Craig_]

Sure thing bud - you go on compromising yourself and expecting the same from your wife. Kudos to you. A real 'non-agey' man apparently. If you think you deserve a medal - you don't bud.

Relationships are about compromise - indeed - not at all about eroding someones else's personality or individuality.
Just because you married the person doesn't mean her/his dreams and goals and personality, character and ambitions MUST align to yours....or else.

Grow up

I am sure that's not what he meant. You will both have to compromise in some way to make each other happy.

 

[MEIOT]

I am sure that's not what he meant. You will both have to compromise in some way to make each other happy.

Re: reading your partners messages. Lol @ it being a violation of her trust. .

Hard to tell with conflicting messages from the guy.

Doesn't matter much though -each to their own I guess.

 

[SauRoNZA]

Huh?

Ofc you do. You need to be part of a unit. Not two different units, else it will never work. We all give up a little as compromise so we can live together and be happy.

There are three people in a relationship/marriage.

You, me and us.

The two different units can have different opinions on things. One says the sky is blue and the other says it’s red. No problem.

The we/us is the unit that presents an opinion/viewpoint to the world and that unit says the sky is blue, even though one individual in the unit believes it’s red.

That is how the compromise works. Very rarely does one ever change one’s opinion/stance on a thing but rather one chooses to ignore it or do it differently together.

 

[SauRoNZA]

The very funny and ironic part to me is that most of the people saying “you should be a unit and share everything” will be the very same people who balk at the concept of a shared bank account and general finances.

Where’s the unit now?

And it’s exactly where my statement of a trinity on a relationship works so well, because as individuals you do different jobs and get different salaries and benefits, but as the unit you pool it all together collectively.