Wife issues [Solved]

[Craig_]

Hard to tell with conflicting messages from the guy.

Doesn't matter much though -each to their own I guess.

I agree with that actually. My wife can read my messages any time, I have no issue with it. The only time I might have an issue is if I have something to hide.

 

[Venomous]

any tl;dr yet?

The current bickering is probably chasing the OP away, so no.

 

[MEIOT]

I agree with that actually. My wife can read my messages any time, I have no issue with it. The only time I might have an issue is if I have something to hide.

Now if only all relationships worked that way

In the OP's case it was clearly a violation of her trust.

 

[MEIOT]

The current bickering is probably chasing the OP away, so no.

I'd like to think they both sent the kids to school - called in sick - spending the day in bed - reaffirming their love. He's way too busy to update us

 

[SauRoNZA]

wtaf

Think about it.

If your husband is constantly alluding to or accusing you of cheating, while you are perfectly innocent and he is just a controlling **** that is going to eat at you.

So at some point you are going to go, well **** it I’m a cheating whore according to him anyway, so I might as well have a go at it because I have nothing to lose.

I’ve seen it time and time again where relationships go pear shaped because the man can’t let his wife be a woman and live a life.

 

[I.am.Sam]

is OP alive

 

[MEIOT]

cheating whore

Redundant

 

[Cius]

He probably had a rough and life altering night.

 

[I.am.Sam]

Maybe OP forgot his password

 

[Pitbull]

I said individuality shouldn't be compromised

Individuality is the state or quality of being an individual; particularly of being a person separate from other people and possessing their own needs or goals, rights and responsibilities.

individuality
/ˌɪndɪvɪdʒʊˈalɪti/
noun

1. 1.
   the quality or character of a particular person or thing that distinguishes them from others of the same kind, especially when strongly marked.
   "clothes with real style and individuality"
   synonyms:uniqueness, originality, singularity, particularity, peculiarity, distinctiveness, distinction, differentness, separateness; More
   
2. 2.
   separate existence.
   "anything but individuality, anything but aloneness"

Still wrong in my opinio. But that's me

 

[Nick333]

Sure thing bud - you go on compromising yourself and expecting the same from your wife. Kudos to you. A real 'non-agey' man apparently. If you think you deserve a medal - you don't bud.

Now you're just being a prick. I never said its all about eroding someone else's personality or individuality.

Relationships are about compromise - indeed - not at all about eroding someones else's personality or individuality.
Just because you married the person doesn't mean her/his dreams and goals and personality, character and ambitions MUST align to yours....or else.

Grow up

I must grow up, yet here you are arguing with a phantom. I never said its all about eroding someone else's personality or individuality. I didn't say only one partner must a align with the other.

You're actually just spewing feminist rhetoric here, which is actually a whole issue on its own. You're basically just railing against a caricature of traditional marriage as a mysogenistic institution that oppresses women, and I think it's pointless arguing with you.

Marriage is a compromise, where the individuals have to subjugate aspects of their own individuality, dreams, blah blah for practical reasons. In fact all relationships (every single one) is based on compromise, BECAUSE we are individuals and can't possibly want what the other person wants all the time. A marriage is the most important relationship you can be in and therefore it will require the most compromise.

Honestly if I have to explain how human works, this conversation is more trouble than its worth.

 

[Nick333]

You forgot the part about some people being so deeply insecure that they see a cheater behind every bush.

You know what that does? It actually makes a cheater, because if someone constantly feels that axe over their head eventually they figure they may as well just do what they are being accused of constantly.

One can get all that “initial excitement” from other people in the real world without actually ****ing them.

Getting it outside your relationship isn’t harmless, but having a bit of a flirt really is just that.

Toeing the line is exactly what makes monogamy work, because humans were never meant to stick to one partner for life.

Making that line ridiculously rigid and inflexible is exactly where cheating and divorce originates.

I agree her hiding of it and keeping it secretive is a problem. But I question where that originates from and why she feels the need to do so. More often than not it’s because of an overbearing, controlling partner and little to no personal freedom.

I honestly don't have time to read everyone's text walls. I'll try later. But re: your first paragraph. No, I expressly compared insane jealousy with noticing unexplained changes in your partners behaviour. The OP is clearly a case of the latter.

 

[Pitbull]

There are three people in a relationship/marriage.

You, me and us.

The two different units can have different opinions on things. One says the sky is blue and the other says it’s red. No problem.

The we/us is the unit that presents an opinion/viewpoint to the world and that unit says the sky is blue, even though one individual in the unit believes it’s red.

That is how the compromise works. Very rarely does one ever change one’s opinion/stance on a thing but rather one chooses to ignore it or do it differently together.

I agree 100%

However, I have changed a lot from what I was before I got married and what I am now. I'm still me, but no longer who I was. And this is based on changes required to be able to dit as a couple. Wife amd I would have been divorced many years ago if I didn't change as an individual to also include her

 

[MEIOT]

Now you're just being a prick. I never said its all about eroding someone else's personality or individuality.



I must grow up, yet here you are arguing with a phantom. I never said its all about eroding someone else's personality or individuality. I didn't say only one partner must a align with the other.

You're actually just spewing feminist rhetoric here, which is actually a whole issue on its own. You're basically just railing against a caricature of traditional marriage as a mysogenistic institution that oppresses women, and I think it's pointless arguing with you.

Marriage is a compromise, where the individuals have to subjugate aspects of their own individuality, dreams, blah blah for practical reasons. In fact all relationships (every single one) is based on compromise, BECAUSE we are individuals and can't possibly want what the other person wants all the time. A marriage is the most important relationship you can be in and therefore it will require the most compromise.

Honestly if I have to explain how human works, this conversation is more trouble than its worth.

Like I said - sure thing bud. Each to their own. You do you!

Still expecting a medal after all that nonsensical drivel and incoherent rambling?
No medal emoji - so tough shite!
- go get a cuppa java and calm yourself child.

 

[Nick333]

You forgot the part about some people being so deeply insecure that they see a cheater behind every bush.

You know what that does? It actually makes a cheater, because if someone constantly feels that axe over their head eventually they figure they may as well just do what they are being accused of constantly.

One can get all that “initial excitement” from other people in the real world without actually ****ing them.

Getting it outside your relationship isn’t harmless, but having a bit of a flirt really is just that.

Toeing the line is exactly what makes monogamy work, because humans were never meant to stick to one partner for life.

Making that line ridiculously rigid and inflexible is exactly where cheating and divorce originates.

I agree her hiding of it and keeping it secretive is a problem. But I question where that originates from and why she feels the need to do so. More often than not it’s because of an overbearing, controlling partner and little to no personal freedom.

Oh re: your last paragraph, which I skimmed as I was scrolling, sorry no. That's utter nonsense. It could be any number of reasons, that the OP shares responsibility, but that it's more than likely him being controlling, is such condescending nonsense. Women always behave perfectly unless her man is a prick? Fcck me.

 

[Pitbull]

Sure thing bud - you go on compromising yourself and expecting the same from your wife. Kudos to you. A real 'non-agey' man apparently. If you think you deserve a medal - you don't bud.

Relationships are about compromise - indeed - not at all about eroding someones else's personality or individuality.
Just because you married the person doesn't mean her/his dreams and goals and personality, character and ambitions MUST align to yours....or else.

Grow up

Geesus, you're either not married, or married someone you're not compatable with.

You do know you can choose who to marry right?

 

[Pitbull]

I am sure that's not what he meant. You will both have to compromise in some way to make each other happy.

Or not marry at all if it's not a fit or you're not willing to make adjustments to make you suitable

 

[MEIOT]

Geesus, you're either not married, or married someone you're not compatable with.

You do know you can choose who to marry right?

Married - a couple times over. So we live and learn
Yeah - I do know one can choose who they marry.

 

[Nick333]

Think about it.

If your husband is constantly alluding to or accusing you of cheating, while you are perfectly innocent and he is just a controlling **** that is going to eat at you.

So at some point you are going to go, well **** it I’m a cheating whore according to him anyway, so I might as well have a go at it because I have nothing to lose.

I’ve seen it time and time again where relationships go pear shaped because the man can’t let his wife be a woman and live a life.

Nice little scenario that seems to have no connection to the OP you've come up with there.

 

[The_MAC]

No. thats in your opinion and defined by your culture/beliefs. The marriage laws state nothing about the above. In fact, giving up who you are is the worst thing you can do.
Unless of course you like wifey picking out your undies and check shirts/chinos ;p

Marriage law, pffft, hardly a reference..

I don't think he meant it in the sense of giving up your identity, but more the concept of its not any more a case of what's mine is mine..