Wife issues [Solved]

SauRoNZA said:
Countless studies on the matter.
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Its a definite thing, most studies focused on crime aspect, but the principle definitely travels into other areas of life for me. For instance African American kids being treated as if they are criminals when they are in fact not (general distrust) makes them more likely to move on to crime as they are already being treated like criminals by society, but without the benefits of crime. Its a psych thing. Obviously not all people go that way but a lot do.

So in this case an overly jealous marriage partner constantly accusing other partner of infidelity when they are in fact not cheating would leave the other partner in position where they think might as well, I am already being punished for it anyways, may as well get the benefit. Of course more likely though could just realize there is something broken in the other partner and move on out of that toxic relationship. Depends on the person.
 
SauRoNZA said:
Not a way of thinking.

An observation of the world around me and the things that happen in it.

You make it sound like it was my idea.
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Neh, you were adding your own spin and thoughts on why people cheat, it reveals your opinion.
 
Cius said:
Its a definite thing, most studies focused on crime aspect, but the principle definitely travels into other areas of life for me. For instance African American kids being treated as if they are criminals when they are in fact not (general distrust) makes them more likely to move on to crime as they are already being treated like criminals by society, but without the benefits of crime. Its a psych thing. Obviously not all people go that way but a lot do.

So in this case an overly jealous marriage partner constantly accusing other partner of infidelity when they are in fact not cheating would leave the other partner in position where they think might as well, I am already being punished for it anyways, may as well get the benefit. Of course more likely though could just realize there is something broken in the other partner and move on out of that toxic relationship. Depends on the person.
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Sorry, don't subscribe to this way of thinking.

Come to think of it, the other day I just started shouting out Racial Profanities. After years of being accused of being a racist I just said,"ah, what the hell, I might as well reap the benefit, already being called a racist anyways"
 
Ok... lots of posts that others with different views would see as garbage.
If something is working for you then let it work for you. Pointless to impose each others views and lifestyles on others where things are actually/maybe working for them.
In other words, this thread will grow forever...

The main thing is the update of the OP, not all this other filth that derailed the thread.
 
The_MAC said:
Sorry, don't subscribe to this way of thinking.

Come to think of it, the other day I just started shouting out Racial Profanities. After years of being accused of being a racist I just said,"ah, what the hell, I might as well reap the benefit, already being called a racist anyways"
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I think a better comparison is if you are not initially racist, but your partner keeps accusing you of racism that you slowly become indifferent to the label of racist. Like cheating, you won't go out of your way to do it, but if the opportunity comes up, you will have been desensitized to it.

Evidence: My mother gave my Stockholm-syndrome
 
The_MAC said:
Your view is hilarious and quite sad really, perhaps thats why you have been to so many 2nd and 3rd weddings, birds of a feather..
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Assumptions will get you nowhere. Got anything intelligent to say?
 
STS said:
I think a better comparison is if you are not initially racist, but your partner keeps accusing you of racism that you slowly become indifferent to the label of racist. Like cheating, you won't go out of your way to do it, but if the opportunity comes up, you will have been desensitized to it.

Evidence: My mother gave my Stockholm-syndrome
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neh, if people stop coming up with clever ways to justify immorality we might just have a bright future..
 
The_MAC said:
Sorry, don't subscribe to this way of thinking.

Come to think of it, the other day I just started shouting out Racial Profanities. After years of being accused of being a racist I just said,"ah, what the hell, I might as well reap the benefit, already being called a racist anyways"
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And many would be immune to the effect in lite doses, but your glib example is also easy to tear apart. If EFF thugs take over SA in some dystopian future and start abusing you and your family at first emotionally and eventually physically are you really sure there is a 100% chance you would not start hating people like them? That after a hundred public humiliations where every black person present either approved of what was happening, or did nothing to stop it, you would not change at all?

I don't think so. America is a perfect case of this playing out. People of colour face so much distrust and expectation that they are criminals from the white side of the populace and it infuriates them. It also has an impact on their willingness to become criminals. Yes some people are very strong against peer pressure, societal pressure, etc. Some will take that pressure and use their anger to be the opposite of what they are expected to be, be better than their accusers. Others take it in, let the judgers determine their sense of self worth, and become what they have always been accused of being. It's human nature.
 
The_MAC said:
neh, if people stop coming up with clever ways to justify immorality we might just have a bright future..
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The only problem I foresee is that mortality isn't black and white - in some countries there are arranged marriages and other countries you are stoned for being homosexual - cheating while keeping your original marriage can be a cover.

I know that this isn't plausible or viable in this situation, but we don't know everyone's circumstances. It's easy to say that a person who has been cheated on 3 times previously probably deserves it, but we don't know what the female demographic is like in Slutville, nor do we know if the husband is threatening to take the kids and everything they own if she leaves him
 
Where's this oke? I'm getting worried. PM me his number somebody so I can call him. Somma PM the wife or maybe ex-wife by now's number somma also

I want to speak to them & get to the bottom of this.
 
TechGirl04 said:
What exactly does "going open" mean?
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It means you talk about it and come to some kind arrangement.

In our case I met her ex and he's a nice guy, weird as it may sound he is now a family friend but we only see him once or twice a year. During the course of time my wife and I talked about a few things and our relationship became a bit more open. So basically what I'm saying is I have no problem if she bangs her ex.

But this kind of thing does not work for everybody, hence why I ask if it is an option.
 
Anonymouse123 said:
My plan as follows.

After kids go to bed speak to her about the issue at hand. after that I will inform her I am leaving tomorrow morning and the next time we meet is at a councillor Friday morning if she is serious about the relationship.

That will give her time to think if she want to be together.

If not so be it. If it is we can work towards something.

Thanks for all the great and not so great advice
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What was the outcome?
 
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