Your Parents ~ Your Liability !

cn@ said:
If the international stock market doesn't crash and burn my mother and father are still self-reliant. But I've read that some economists speculate that difficult economic times are ahead of us.
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I'm trying to think of a time when some economists didn't say that difficult times are ahead of us.
 
One thing I'm made sure of is that their finances are sound and fortunately/unfortunately through an early stroke my father had a huge (not huge enough) disability payout which has somewhat helped project the way forward as their house is paid for and by projection they should never get to a situation where be homeless, but rather just one where they might need to lower their living standards a little as time goes on.

That being said I do worry about the old lady kicking the bucket before the old man as someone will need to look after him and neither myself or my sister are physically capable of doing so. The agreement is to put him into a care facility should the need arise which will be covered by the estate for foreseeable future, but knowing him he'll live to 100.

Now the in laws are a different story as they are the types who don't want to talk about their finances and therefore it will probably be a complete surprise when it does come into question. That being said they are still both in good health and with my father in law being pretty high up the food chain in his business I do expect adequate cover to be in place with regards to retirement and such.

They aren't big spenders and generally quite frugal with money so I don't have a deep worry, but you know there is always a question mark.

Fortunately on that side the family is quite large so the children wouldn't have too much drama to support them together.
 
Toxxyc said:
Both my parents and my in-laws did A LOT for me when I grew up. My wife's parents practically sacrificed their whole lives for her and her brother. If they need help, I'll give it, as plentiful as I can spare, and she knows it. We're open about this and I am open to the idea of her mother coming to stay with us if she needs to. She currently gets a measly salary and has practically no pension, so in 10~15 years she might have nothing to live with, of or off, and that's most probably when support from our side will kick in. I'm preparing for this and for my own future though so that I will hopefully never sit in that boat. The cycle needs to be broken, and soon.

As a PS: It's surprising to see how many "rich privileged white people" still have struggling parents (like, REALLY struggling). My grandparents have nothing but a state pension, my inlaws the same. My own parents luckily have a good future ahead, as soon as my dad retires he will have a solid pension. I want the same. The cycle of kids having to support their parents have to stop, and I hope to stop it in my lifetime. When I retire I don't want to be dependent on anyone or anything.
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To be honest this surprised me a bit. If you only go by the media you would think otherwise. Just show you that we all have way more in common then we think.
 
Pitbull said:
My folks will NEVER be a liability to me. They took care of me and raised me till about 23 when I moved out. I will gladly have them live with me and care for them. I can't understand how you people live with yourselves. You self centred bastards... Wow, just wow...
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+1
 
Sigh. My folks haven't saved sufficiently for retirement and my dad is already retirement age. My mother is much better off but also started saving too late. Everyone thinks they will start saving tomorrow, until they realise they're over the hill and 10 years or less from retirement.... ****.

My sisters are financially challenged too, although that's partly their husbands' problem too.

What I'm going to do for my folks when they run out of cash 13,000km away I don't know and I actually try not to think about it because really short of moving back or sending them lumps of cash I don't know.
 
To me it entirely depends really. But I start with the premise that, my parents looked after me until I got on my feet because THEY chose to have a baby, I had no choice in the matter and so reciprocation cannot be based on the idea that they looked after me for 20 years, now I must look after them. It doesn't work that way. They choose to have kids, and they choose (for the most part) to put themselves into a financial position that leaves them unprepared for retirement.

Saying that, my Mom would get support from me if she needed it. My dad, not so much. For reasons that are too detailed to go into here. Same goes for my wife's parents. They have done a lot for us, so if I had to help her mom and step dad, I would do. Her dad, not so much, again for reasons that I don't care to get into on here.

If someone digs their own hole, you are not obliged to pull them out, especially if trying to pull them out could result in you and your kids falling into the same hole.
If life chucks them in the gutter through no real fault of their own, then of course, help them where I can for sure.

As with anything, it is just not that simple for everyone. For instance, some parents live in a nice house, but have no real savings or retirement funds. They then attempt to downgrade a bit and use the profits from the house to live off for a while. But now their standard of living has to take a nose dive. And all those things leave such a bitter taste in their mouths, or are too difficult to adapt to, that they just don't, and rely on their kids to pick up the financial slack. Like kids paying for DSTV or something. That is a luxury, not a necessity. Parents who rely on their kids for financial support, should expect no more than food on the table, roof over head and clothes on their backs. And if their lives are boring as **** because they have no money to go out, tough ****.
 
I must be lucky in this respect. My parents were self-sufficient until the day they died, in 1999 and 2005. Towards the end of his life, my father was convinced that he had no money left. Showing him a balance sheet had no effect, he thought somehow it had disappeared, yet lived in an assisted living complex costing in excess of R10k a month. So I told the home manager just to keep assuring him he would not be put out on the street at any time, now or in the future. In fact he was spending less of his income on living than he received in dividends and interest. He had a driver and a car, yet when he got into the car, would ask the driver where the car came from
 
chrisc said:
I must be lucky in this respect. My parents were self-sufficient until the day they died, in 1999 and 2005. Towards the end of his life, my father was convinced that he had no money left. Showing him a balance sheet had no effect, he thought somehow it had disappeared, yet lived in an assisted living complex costing in excess of R10k a month. So I told the home manager just to keep assuring him he would not be put out on the street at any time, now or in the future. In fact he was spending less of his income on living than he received in dividends and interest. He had a driver and a car, yet when he got into the car, would ask the driver where the car came from
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Awesome story lol, very lucky for you
 
My parents are both gone but have my father-in-law living with me.
Even after my wife passed there was no question I would keep looking after him.
(he has a small pension but would not be able to support himself)

I do not see it as a liability but as an honor being able to take care of him.
 
ScottulusMaximus said:
There's a name for it that I can't remember and it's a huge huge problem worldwide.
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Sandwich generation?
a generation of people, typically in their thirties or forties, responsible both for bringing up their own children and for the care of their ageing parents.
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This only applies to Western society where it is not the norm. My wife supports her family with about 1/3 of her salary.

Also agreed with Pitbull - money shouldn't take priority over helping your family.

My own parents need very little but will definitely deplete their savings. I hope to leave my kids some inheritance since I know the difference it makes.
 
Cr419 said:
To be honest this surprised me a bit. If you only go by the media you would think otherwise. Just show you that we all have way more in common then we think.
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Exactly. I really did think that it's few and far between where you'll see older generation white people struggle like the media makes you believe. Only after thinking and reading on here for a bit do I realize how many people are really at the mercy of that measly ~R1k state pension per month, of all races.
 
The other way around is surprisingly common as well. My dad lives in a small town, and constantly tells me about either deadbeat kids sponging of their parents, or parents having to go live with their kids.

He really appreciates having kids who can take care of themselves.

I'm pretty sure that after working for a year I was earning more than my dad was at the time (he got retrenched and had to take a big step down), but he can still take care of himself. He will probably always be able to, but he knows I would not mind helping him out at all. He made huge sacrifices for us, more than many.

Having him live with me in the house... mmm I'd rather not.
 
KantSnyer said:
This was my feeling as well until I got to this :

This is not something I have to deal with, right now as it stands I would look after my folks no matter what, if the above were the case I may need to rethink.
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That was in reference to my late father,

My in laws on the other hand, had paid their house off sixteen years before retirement, invested money, and now ten years into retirement , live a comfortable life, with the odd cruise to Norway and the likes thereof....

If something went belly up, I would have no hesitation to support them, good people.... who would give the clothes off their back to help us....in fact one of them covertly paid for my daughter(student) to fly to them from JHB for a week holiday with them down in the Cape,

It's just all the poor sods up here on the mines who's parents just partied their working life away and never planned for retirement....I know quite a few young 'uns following the same path....
 
Pitbull said:
My folks will NEVER be a liability to me. They took care of me and raised me till about 23 when I moved out. I will gladly have them live with me and care for them. I can't understand how you people live with yourselves. You self centred bastards... Wow, just wow...
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*** man. Everyone's situation is different.

Just because you had a pleasant relationship with your parents, doesn't mean everyone else did.

In high school, I preferred staying in at the hostel over weekends having nothing to do other than study, rather than go home and face the toxicity at home, because it was detrimental to my will to live, and my safety.
 
Toxxyc said:
..

As a PS: It's surprising to see how many "rich privileged white people" still have struggling parents (like, REALLY struggling). My grandparents have nothing but a state pension, my inlaws the same. My own parents luckily have a good future ahead, as soon as my dad retires he will have a solid pension. I want the same. The cycle of kids having to support their parents have to stop, and I hope to stop it in my lifetime. When I retire I don't want to be dependent on anyone or anything.
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Its a big shock that most people are getting. Firstly life happens and the generational wealth that white people have is not as widespread as you might think. The other thing is that old white people are the least desirable in the employment equity chain, so a lot of those guys are being pushed out and retired off early. Plenty of my generations parents are in that situation, I'm not saying its easier for old black people but white people assumed their situation and its changed now so why you see so many older white people falling short.
The last big factor is this current generation of young white people who stay at home till they are 30 (I left at 26), its partly the global economy and cost of living, cost of owning your own place and the cost of education. Failure to launch puts pressure on the older gen and then in turn makes it harder for the younger gen to get started.... and so on.

It does need to stop.
 
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