LazyLion
King of de Jungle
I'm in the reverse situation, we WANT to look after my parents as my mom has Alzheimer's and dad is struggling to cope, but they are refusing to sell their house and move in with us or to go to a home.
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Your Parents ~ Your Liability !
- Thread starter Mortymoose
- Start date
Pitbull
Verboten
No one is telling you how to live your life. And one day your kids might be required to look after you no matter how well you manage your finances. I think it's a damn shame if you abandon your folks no matter what they did that put them in that situation. They raised you and cared for you a minimum of lets say 16 years. The least you can do is repay them.
Pitbull
Verboten
+1
I would not hesitate taking care of my folks, I actually already support them financially. It's an honour to be able to repay them for raising me and giving me a great childhood. The least I can do is give them some self respect and not making them someone else's problem. I'm actually pretty disgusted by some of these comments. This is suppose to be a forum of educated people who can easily afford to care for their folks but choose not to just because... wtf!
Pitbull
Verboten
There is NO excuse. Zero, you can try and justify it all you want. Even if you disliked your father or mother to such a degree that it borders on hate. You still have an obligation to at least make sure they are cared for in a home or something even if you don't want to see them. As much as you might hate them, you being able to attend School and staying in the hostel was because of your folks. They raised you even if they were horrible at it. There is NO EXCUSE!
Cius
Honorary Master
Interesting. My two sets of grandparents where relatively poor blue collar families. They sacrificed a lot to ensure their kids where educated so my parents had a much better life than their parents ever did and retired well. My wife's side of the family the story is similar but one generation younger. Her parents sacrificed almost all saving ability to ensure her and her brothers could get a good education. They are nearing retirement and probably won't have enough to fully retire but I consider it a privilege to assist them where I can considering the sacrifices I saw them make to get their kids into a better position then they ever had the opportunity for. I am grateful my parents are fully financially independent but sad I could never pay back that debt to my grandparents as all that my siblings and cousins and I have is largely due to their hard work and sacrifice. Hence its not really something I will think twice about with my in laws should they need a boost.
I just hope I am in a position too assist. Life has taught that things change and change fast. 8 years ago I thought I would always have a big surplus in my budget. Now after a few medical situations and with the rising cost of everything with no similar salary increases I wonder how any of us will be in 5 years time. Anyways, we can always make a plan.
I just hope I am in a position too assist. Life has taught that things change and change fast. 8 years ago I thought I would always have a big surplus in my budget. Now after a few medical situations and with the rising cost of everything with no similar salary increases I wonder how any of us will be in 5 years time. Anyways, we can always make a plan.
Nerfherder
Honorary Master
Unless they are actually dragging you down as well. People with gambling and substance abuse issues are not actually better off with financial support.
Would you choose to support your abusive parents over giving your own kids a better chance in life ?
I.am.Sam
Honorary Master
making sure they have a roof over they head and food to eat is better than giving money
some will see the food though
Compton_effect
Honorary Master
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My mom is a retired bank-manager with numerous investments, a very decent pension plan and medical aid.
My mother-in-law has a bad varicose vein that needs to be removed - they do not have medical aid...
My mother-in-law has a bad varicose vein that needs to be removed - they do not have medical aid...
SoulTax
Executive Member
That is the sentiment that I have to disagree with though. Parents choose to "burden" themselves with children. The child has no choice in the matter and is reliant on the parents to keep them alive into adulthood. The parents made that choice and knew what they were getting themselves into when they decided to have a kid.
There is no Repayment obligation for that.
The repayment obligation is around the emotional bonding and loving support they give you as you grow up. You feel you should support your parents because they are WORTH supporting. They supported you more than financially growing up, so you have a bond there that is more than the money they invested in you as you grew.
But you cannot hold everyone else to that standard.
What happens if a kid was clothed, fed, and educated, but also abused or beaten every time mom and dad got into a drunken argument?
What if the parents shipped their child off to boarding school, not because they thought the environment would be best for the child, but because the child was a nuisance in their lives and boarding school was an easy way to put them out of sight for a large portion of their time?
Remembering that a parent signs up for a non-refundable, non-returnable, 0% financial return investment when they choose to have a child. There is however a 1000000000% return on emotional investment. And the emotion that a parent invests can be negative. So if a parent fails to invest that emotion in their children, they cannot be surprised when those children are not emotionally invested in them later in life.
AfricanTech
Honorary Master
Mother and Father in law (both in their 80's) live with us (2 bedroom cottage on same property).
In the last year or so cooking has become a bit much for them so my wife cooks enough for both households, we pay the Electricity, TV etc and they use their pensions for odds and ends.
Wouldn't have it any other way to be honest, they worked their whole lives to ensure that their kids got a decent education and reasonable start in life.
In the last year or so cooking has become a bit much for them so my wife cooks enough for both households, we pay the Electricity, TV etc and they use their pensions for odds and ends.
Wouldn't have it any other way to be honest, they worked their whole lives to ensure that their kids got a decent education and reasonable start in life.
Mortymoose
Honorary Master
Back in the 80's my mother emptied my brothers and my Post Office savings account so they could go and party......... :erm:
Pitbull
Verboten
Giving them a roof over their heads, a warm place to sleep and food everyday is not going to feed their habits. You have a point but you will be taking care of them you can manage what and how they spend it. Still does not justify saying: "**** it, they wasted their life savings, not my problem" Raising you and paying for your education is probably where their life savings went. I know people as mentioned in here who just can't be arsed.
They studied at varsity, either with folks paying their accommodation and studies or repaid their student fees. These old people then sit in a run down house with hardly any food and the kids drive X5s stay in mansions kids going to posh schools and the likes while their folks need to survive on SASSA money... The excuses: They wasted their pension; they gambled; they drank like fish... and and and. Yet these kids refuse to help their folks purely by choice, it might put a damper on their lifestyle! "I didn't choose to be here, they had me they should pay to raise me" geesus, you are alive because they had you, you farking moron!
Pitbull
Verboten
I think my last post explains exactly how I feel about this: "They decided to have kids" argument. You are alive and living a successful live because they had you. Maybe it should have been someone else who actually respected their folks and was thankful they decided to have them instead of self centred people like yourself.
The_Ogre
Honorary Master
I agree 100% with this and to add, my childhood was horrible! Not growing up with your parents (I grew up with my grandparents) is one of those investments. I will never know whether my parents in fact planned to have me since they will never tell me. My grandmother now has Alzheimer's and my grandfather is dead.
My father was a chemical engineer and worked for ICI in the UK. They used BUPA for the medical and it covered 100% of everything, no questions asked. When he was about 68, he had 9 tooth implants done at what I thought was a staggering cost, but they simply paid up. BUPA specialise in medical for expatriates.
His pension was also generous. Apart from 9% to 12% annual increases, there were "dividend payouts" from the investment firm about every 3 years and this paid for his and my mother's overseas trips and cruises
Because he was posted to South Africa but still on the UK payroll, he received all the benefits that UK employees received incl a car and telephone allowance. In the 1970's, just before he retired, SARS started asking questions about tax on SA income. This took many years to sort out. They were the most obstinate people to deal with and frequently demanded the same information and documents time and time again. Today, 12 years after he passed on, there are still letters from SARS arriving at his house, about 3 or 4 a year
His pension was also generous. Apart from 9% to 12% annual increases, there were "dividend payouts" from the investment firm about every 3 years and this paid for his and my mother's overseas trips and cruises
Because he was posted to South Africa but still on the UK payroll, he received all the benefits that UK employees received incl a car and telephone allowance. In the 1970's, just before he retired, SARS started asking questions about tax on SA income. This took many years to sort out. They were the most obstinate people to deal with and frequently demanded the same information and documents time and time again. Today, 12 years after he passed on, there are still letters from SARS arriving at his house, about 3 or 4 a year
SoulTax
Executive Member
That is where your "good" upbringing is clouding your eyes. You cannot separate, Alive because of your parents, and successful because of your parents, some people are successful in spite of their parents. I am not saying this is me, I am simply playing devils advocate here because I can see both sides of the fence.
You say there is zero reason, but would you say that a person who was abused by their parents, and I mean literally abused, should have to look after their parents in their old age?
Pitbull
Verboten
Yes zero. I would never be able to put myself in someone's shoes who was abused. But even then supporting your folks by paying their old age home bill is something, you don't have to physically be with them to support them. Then again, I'm not trying to understand anyone who was abused as I could never. I just know myself personally I would never let a family member especially someone who gave me life and raised me suffer because they cared for me earlier in life.
Hamish McPanji
Honorary Master
My parents gave me everything I needed growing up, often sacrificing their own pleasure and luxury to ensure I had a good education and moral values.
I will return the favour
I will return the favour
satanboy
Psychonaut seven
No, my parents have more cash/investments/fixed assets than me.