Your Parents ~ Your Liability !

It is difficult. I am fortunate that my parents were careful with money and saved as much as they could throughout their lives. My Dad has been dead many years and so my mom has been able to live quite comfortably since. She has Alzheimer's and is now in a home. I feel so sorry for people that are not able to afford such care. How on earth would a family cope with caring for a dementia patient in their own home. I cannot imagine it. :cry:
 
Giving parents/family accommodation and food is one thing, paying their medical expenses might be another.
 
faniebraai said:
I had an evil uncle (dead now) that got them to invest in something that didn't work out. Lost everything basically.

We stay in our family home for 19years. 1 year from it being paid off, he got them to invest money by taking a second bond, failed. Put them under huge financial pressure, had to cash out pension monies, decided to sell the house at a loss, bought a restaurant in Parys (Free State), it failed, moved back to Kempton, and got crap jobs because of their age...
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And people wonder why I am so pro Retirement Annuities. And can't access is for any reason until age 55 and then only a portion. Makes it easier to then not have a hole talked into ones head by a swindler...
 
I have put my mom on my medical aid, and give her a little bit of money every month. And will most likely pay for her car to be serviced.

She is lucky though, because she owns her car and her house, so the monthly payments are relatively low.
 
Parents are divorced.

My Dad is really good with money and is set for life. He was never a millionaire but made the right investments and never kept up with the Joneses and is paying off now. He has recently got engaged at 60 y.o. and I fear the fiance' is a bit of a digger. Hopefully not otherwise I'll put her in the grave first.

My Mom and stepdad were the opposite. Big house, holiday house, camper van, speed boat etc and they have pretty much lost most of it through a series of bad years and decisions. They are quite proud people though and haven't asked yet but I think the day is coming.

My long term girlfriends parents are just useless with money and will likely need assistance real soon. They have had their fair share of inheritance etc but wasted most of it.

Trying to make sure I won't be someone elses problem when I'm old.
 
My wife and I have been supporting my folks for the last 8 years. Her side of family is younger and better off so it makes me feel guilty that we support only one side of the parents and not the other. I would do the same for hers of course.

We contribute about R7K per month to my parents but have not increased this in many years due to our own financial restrictions. In the last year, I had to ask him to take a payment holiday for 1 year as we bought a house that perhaps was too expensive for us and needed spare cash. It was the hardest conversation I had to make but he is a proud man, and I don't know what his financial situation really is because he won't tell me.

My siblings can't get the truth out either even though two of them contribute too. My sis is not doing so well so not putting pressure on her to pull her part - but when you see some things she buys - you wonder if she is really that hard done by (that's another whole thread by itself).

My big bro made us do this but I don't know if my dad is just maybe ok or really needed the cash. I have a bad feeling he could be hoarding the cash to give it back to us or if he is really tightening the belts each year with less that he has. My mum seems to intimate that things are tough - but wont open up on this bit ... it's so difficult if your parents won't be completely open on this front.

The worrying thing is the payment holiday is nearly over but due to other developments recently - wife has gone down to working only 1 day a week, we hardly have spare cash available to save (except for mandatory retirement stuff) so we have tightened our belts even more, so I am already dreading the next conversation about maybe not being able to support them indefinitely. I may have to ask them to move in with us at it could reduce collective costs to support them.

Always tells me if he needs help, he will let us know. He had a hard life, spent and saved wisely even though he had no education after standard 8 but learnt everything by reading. My parents sacrificed everything to put me and my two bros + sis through uni and stuff - yes, it's their 'fault' for having us ... but sadly not that black an white.
 
Growing up we were extremely poor and I was basically zero maintenance on my parents. Wore hand-me-downs, I went to public schools and had all costs waived, hitchhiked to and from school everyday. Started making some cash in spare time and started helping my parents out while still in high school and one year in college which I paid for myself. Started working and contributing towards the house but dad passed away suddenly with my younger sibling still in school, I took over the household costs along with a bond sitting at 20% interest. Thankfully my older sibling came through and paid half cash by getting a better interest loan. Younger sibling wanted to start working immediately after high school I preferred tertiary education, we compromised to work and study part time with me still taking care of everything except costs of studies. Worked through my 20's paying off loans, furnishing & repairing the house, taking care of the family. Before I hit 30 I handed the papers of the house to my mother, told my younger sibling that was now stable with a well paying job they now responsible. I packed only my clothes and computer into my car and went to get my own place, starting from the ground up again... Years later younger sibling has since moved out and now we both contribute to my mothers monthly expenses.

I understand all circumstances are different, but if you grew up in a home where your parents did the best they could with what they had, how could you in good conscience sit in your 3 bedroom house with only 2 occupants, on your high speed internet, watching netflix on your big screen with home theater with the domestic is cleaning around you and your multiple mobiles are ringing?

To the future, I started very late with saving for my retirement but I'm contributing the full 27.5% and now looking at making use of Tax Free Investments. According to my FA I'm on target to retire at 55, which if calculations are correct is when they will replace me with an AI....
 
tldr the thread.

My parents are still quite young and are looking after my grandparents. I am going to be a first time father in a few months.

I hope that when my parents are old enough that I will be able to support them the way they have supported me when I was little and how they are supporting my grandparents.

I feel that is how it should be. I am only begging to understand how much it takes to raise a family and I am very thankful for all the sacrificing.

yes times are tough but if it means I must cut down on my luxuries to help my parents so be it. same goes for my in-laws.

if they don't need my assistance in old age then that is a bonus, but won't hold it against them.
 
Don't be a heartless ****. Yuor mum and dad changed your ****stained diapers and fed you when you were a bawling lil brat. Karma has a nasty way of biting you in the ass.
 
Don't know about this, from one hand, you would not be here if it were not for their help, but is it worth sacrificing your own happiness and freedom to keep them going?

Well I think about this situation every single day I'm alive on earth.

Think what a loser I am staying with my folks well past 30,
But still support them out of emotional Attachment.
Think how I'm sooo behind when all my other friends have left home long ago.

I suppose everybody situation is different, and in my case, I would put it down to bad choices they made early on in life and no investments or foresight as to where to go.

Oh well, that's my lot in life I suppose, at least my dad/mom/myself never drinks, I suppose that's something to be happy about....

Now if I could get him to stop smoking, I'd be much more happy.....
 
Pitbull said:
Yes zero. I would never be able to put myself in someone's shoes who was abused. But even then supporting your folks by paying their old age home bill is something, you don't have to physically be with them to support them. Then again, I'm not trying to understand anyone who was abused as I could never. I just know myself personally I would never let a family member especially someone who gave me life and raised me suffer because they cared for me earlier in life.
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I don’t know hey.

You get to choose your friends, you don’t get to choose your family.

And based on that logic there are many people I wouldn’t lift a finger to help in my extended family because they only have themselves to blame through repeated bad decision making.

So I can perfectly see why someone would cut off their direct family based on similar examples.

You can’t give someone a spade to keep digging their own grave, especially if they are digging yours along with them because of it.

“**** happens” would be the exception to this of course.
 
Shaun108 said:
Don't be a heartless ****. Yuor mum and dad changed your ****stained diapers and fed you when you were a bawling lil brat. Karma has a nasty way of biting you in the ass.
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remember this...they wanted us, not the other way around
 
At the end of the day it's all about the situation that you find yourself in and your parents/in laws are in.

I recentlyish evicted my tenants in the granny flat and my parents redeveloped it to suit their needs... They now live on my property rent free and I would have it no other way because of what they did for me as a youngster... But if they were horrible with money the conversations would be very very different. I at least know they will be able to support themselves comfortably...

I won't lie it's also nice having my parents close, I can stroll up and have a conversation with people I trust implicitly and who will always support me
 
Pitbull said:
Yes zero. I would never be able to put myself in someone's shoes who was abused. But even then supporting your folks by paying their old age home bill is something, you don't have to physically be with them to support them. Then again, I'm not trying to understand anyone who was abused as I could never. I just know myself personally I would never let a family member especially someone who gave me life and raised me suffer because they cared for me earlier in life.
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You would never put yourself in someone's shoes when they were abused, but you are able to pass SERIOUS judgment on them for not having your outlook regarding family...

Thanks, but no thanks.
 
Pitbull said:
My folks will NEVER be a liability to me. They took care of me and raised me till about 23 when I moved out. I will gladly have them live with me and care for them. I can't understand how you people live with yourselves. You self centred bastards... Wow, just wow...
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No dad.

I pay a couple of grand a month for my month, and would increase that tenfold if required, even if it put strain on me.

I fully agree with you..
 
Nicholas Lisse said:
You would never put yourself in someone's shoes when they were abused, but you are able to pass SERIOUS judgment on them for not having your outlook regarding family...

Thanks, but no thanks.
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Im not sure how you can compare the two. If for example your parents were bad with money, you have to accept it. In the same way they had to accept the risk of their child turning into a total F2ck up (not you, its an example). And more than likely if you were, they would still support you.
 
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