Your Parents ~ Your Liability !

Mortymoose

Mortymoose

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During the early morning coffee session in the office, the topic moved over to an old couple that were relocating to live with their daughter and son in law, their finances having taken strain and they need support..

Their son on law is livid, as they will be putting further strain on his own situation...

One of the other participants around the Coffee machine lamented, how he had bought property a few years back had been paying back in the region of 8 grand a month from renting it out, when his wife kicked the tenant out and shoved her old parents in for a third of the rental...

A few years later, the old people are suffering financial difficulties and then turned around and said they cannot pay the paltry rent anymore...

A third participant in the conversation, reckoned his wife was planning to move her single and aged father into his house, his finances are also screwed and he is very unstable...... about to become his son in laws problem......

Both my parents passed on quite awhile ago and not to sound selfish, I am glad in a way..... yep! Miss them tons , but with my father;s drinking habits and binge drinking, with his financial budget in turmoil...... I am relieved that the pain is behind me.....

Yes! The saying that they looked after you when you were younger and now it's your turn to look after them, may be true, but when they fluck up their finances intentionally through boozin and living beyond their means, you should no longer be obliged to put strain on your own finances...

I warned my father on numerous occasions that when he no longer had money left, I would not be supporting him.... A lot of people around the coffee table today do not have the will or determination to say NO!

Are you in a similar boat?
 
A guy in the office just found out that his wife was secretly paying 2000 a month for the last year without his knowledge as her dad was battling...
 
I pay for my dad and step mom's Internet and Telkom line and on occasion have to loan them money (Anything from 1k to 10k) with no expectation of getting it back. I've not even been counting. Dad is in property industry, step-mom is on perm. disability or something.

Parents are divorced. Also have had to loan my mom money quite a few times. She seems far more determined to pay back though but hasn't landed a proper job in many years so I also don't expect it. She is also working in property to make ends meet.

Fortunately I myself only rent a small 1 bedroom place with very minimal needs and have no debt at the moment. I don't even own a TV :D

I literally have a monthly saving called "Family Cover" for just in case they ask again.
 
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If the international stock market doesn't crash and burn my mother and father are still self-reliant. But I've read that some economists speculate that difficult economic times are ahead of us.
 
There's a reason I moved hundreds of km's away from them...

My brother, is likely to live with them until they die. He's in his 30's already and doesn't have a kind of kraai, not even an SO as he's not interested in relationships.
 
YingYang said:
My brother, is likely to live with them until they die. He's in his 30's already and doesn't have a kind of kraai, not even an SO as he's not interested in relationships.
Click to expand...

I know someone who's like that. Socially awkward as hell and I don't think he could survive on his own.
 
My folks will NEVER be a liability to me. They took care of me and raised me till about 23 when I moved out. I will gladly have them live with me and care for them. I can't understand how you people live with yourselves. You self centred bastards... Wow, just wow...
 
Pitbull said:
My folks will NEVER be a liability to me. They took care of me and raised me till about 23 when I moved out. I will gladly have them live with me and care for them. I can't understand how you people live with yourselves. You self centred bastards... Wow, just wow...
Click to expand...

This was my feeling as well until I got to this :

but when they fluck up their finances intentionally through boozin and living beyond their means, you should no longer be obliged to put strain on your own finances...
Click to expand...

This is not something I have to deal with, right now as it stands I would look after my folks no matter what, if the above were the case I may need to rethink.
 
Pitbull said:
My folks will NEVER be a liability to me. They took care of me and raised me till about 23 when I moved out. I will gladly have them live with me and care for them. I can't understand how you people live with yourselves. You self centred bastards... Wow, just wow...
Click to expand...

Let me guess. Breastfed till 8? 9?
 
Pitbull said:
My folks will NEVER be a liability to me. They took care of me and raised me till about 23 when I moved out. I will gladly have them live with me and care for them. I can't understand how you people live with yourselves. You self centred bastards... Wow, just wow...
Click to expand...

Agree 100%.

Both my folks have died, but prior to her death my Mom battled with cancer for 13 years. We purchased a house for her a few houses away from ours in the same estate - that way she could still feel independent & yet still be close enough if needed. Our children used to visit almost every day, so she got to spend loads of time with her grandchildren.

We currently pay my MIL every month - to "fetch the children from school" twice a week. I could Uber them to & from school & extra murals twice each day for half the amount we pay MIL.....

That said, I agree with pitbull. They are our responsibility, and only a selfish turd reneges on their responsibility.
 
I lost my dad when I was 12 and my mom would not have coped looking after 5 kids on her own had it not been for the support of her parents. She was not educated and my dad was the sole breadwinner. She is fortunately on her own now and very much self sufficient. I would however not think twice about having to support her if I had to. Also having 5 kids does reduce the burden on each individual child.

My wife's sister and mother has been living with us for the past 10 years and even though they contribute very little financially, we would not put them them out. Her mother is not by the means to find a place of her own.

While I am trying my best to make sure that my wife and I have sufficient resources to sustain ourselves in our old age and not be a burden to our son, we do not know what the future holds for us. If we were to fall on hard times in our old age, he does not have to do anything for us due to any obligation that he feels but should do it because of love and compassion towards us.

I guess it's also down to how my wife and I were raised and that the importance of parents were strongly emphasised. The person I am today is due to her and no amount of money can ever repay that. Looking after them is not a liability or an obligation but an act of love and appreciation for all that they have done.
 
Lot's and lot's of people in this situation, a swathe of the previous generation simply never saved for retirement.

Vicious cycle this, you have to care for your parents and can't save for retirement, your kids then have to look after you and on and on it goes... There's a name for it that I can't remember and it's a huge huge problem worldwide.
 
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@OP circumstances matter.

The rent thing I'd probably get them an affordable apartment and pay the medical aid out of my own pocket, I'd not give them cash though if they had a drinking problem as it would easily backfire. I'm sure my parents would be understanding, plus I'd have other siblings to help me and an uncle and aunt that could help in a pinch.

I won't have that problem though, both my parents have their retirement set with houses paid off. A stock-market crash might make it more difficult, but they should still be fine I think.
 
Mortymoose said:
During the early morning coffee session in the office, the topic moved over to an old couple that were relocating to live with their daughter and son in law, their finances having taken strain and they need support..

Their son on law is livid, as they will be putting further strain on his own situation...

One of the other participants around the Coffee machine lamented, how he had bought property a few years back had been paying back in the region of 8 grand a month from renting it out, when his wife kicked the tenant out and shoved her old parents in for a third of the rental...

A few years later, the old people are suffering financial difficulties and then turned around and said they cannot pay the paltry rent anymore...

A third participant in the conversation, reckoned his wife was planning to move her single and aged father into his house, his finances are also screwed and he is very unstable...... about to become his son in laws problem......

Both my parents passed on quite awhile ago and not to sound selfish, I am glad in a way..... yep! Miss them tons , but with my father;s drinking habits and binge drinking, with his financial budget in turmoil...... I am relieved that the pain is behind me.....

Yes! The saying that they looked after you when you were younger and now it's your turn to look after them, may be true, but when they fluck up their finances intentionally through boozin and living beyond their means, you should no longer be obliged to put strain on your own finances...

I warned my father on numerous occasions that when he no longer had money left, I would not be supporting him.... A lot of people around the coffee table today do not have the will or determination to say NO!

Are you in a similar boat?
Click to expand...

Its a scary thought that we might have to support that older generation, it might not even be their fault. They could have saved and lived frugally but the world changes and so could their situation.

I owe my parent a great deal and they made financial sacrifices for me, so if the money runs out its my problem as well as theirs. They have been responsible people, I wouldn't be able to kick them to the curb if things got bad.

That said, my dad has made his own choices and mistakes that might make him a liability for us... its going to be a problem if that happens. We can't support the older and younger generation at the same time.
Things are getting tight for most people though. I know people in their 30's and 40's that are still leaning on their parents... and grand parents.

Just thinking of the burden some people some people take on. My 88 year old grandfather is busy finishing up his life now, he supported his family when he was 15 providing income to his parents (father was sick) and grandparents that lived with them, and fed his 6 siblings. Then he moved out of home, supported a family of 3 with my granny working on and off, put them all through school and got them started in life and lent them money at various stages. He has supported and helped out with several of the grand kids despite being retired. He lives off his pension and stays in a house that he built mostly with his own hands. Its his time to lean on us now, one of my uncles does live in the house and him and my Aunt look after him and granny.
Sad to say that there are people looking to get an inheritance but I think we need to be happy with him living in comfort. He is a hard man who did the job, time for the rest of us to step up
 
Both my parents and my in-laws did A LOT for me when I grew up. My wife's parents practically sacrificed their whole lives for her and her brother. If they need help, I'll give it, as plentiful as I can spare, and she knows it. We're open about this and I am open to the idea of her mother coming to stay with us if she needs to. She currently gets a measly salary and has practically no pension, so in 10~15 years she might have nothing to live with, of or off, and that's most probably when support from our side will kick in. I'm preparing for this and for my own future though so that I will hopefully never sit in that boat. The cycle needs to be broken, and soon.

As a PS: It's surprising to see how many "rich privileged white people" still have struggling parents (like, REALLY struggling). My grandparents have nothing but a state pension, my inlaws the same. My own parents luckily have a good future ahead, as soon as my dad retires he will have a solid pension. I want the same. The cycle of kids having to support their parents have to stop, and I hope to stop it in my lifetime. When I retire I don't want to be dependent on anyone or anything.
 
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