Advice on ending a long term relationship

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MagNorthDigital

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Howzit boys.

So about a 4 months ago, I gave the missus an ultimatum, after 10 years of trying to get her skilled up and contributing to the household in a financially meaningful way. We've been glued to each other for 18 years straight, no cheating, no missteps, no bs.

But, Sh__ got real dire about 3 years ago, and I had to pull both my thumbs out my ass, to get us back on track, almost lost the house, sold a car, and burned through most of my savings.

At no point, could she, or did she help, that's when I started thinking, this cherry won the lottery, and that ain't right by me.

We never made offspring, so it's a clean split, she goes her way, I go mine. Sure there is always paperwork, insurance and all that kak, but that is minor.

Here is the thing, on the one end, she is a financial burden, I'm paying for two, and have been for a good long while now. She helps where she can, around the house, cooks sometimes, tries to learn new skills, but nothing she has tried makes her any cash. She hasn't helped with so much as groceries for a week, in 10 years.

Now for the advice part, and where I'm like, should I just go straight Sub Zero and send her on her way. Cause when she walks out that front door she is homeless, jobless and up **** creek with no boat, paddle or family.

I sat her down 2 years ago and I warned her, it ain't always going to be moonshine and roses, and I kept reminding her, she needs to be able / capable of looking after herself, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

And then 4 months ago, I asked her to book us a weekend away, and she just made such a mess of it, it ended up with us not going, and refunds not available.

I funking lost it, and told her, she has until Jan to start contributing. Even if it's only paying for take-aways on a weekend.

It's the 25th, Xmas day. 3 guesses who bought and cooked Xmas lunch?

So, here is the question.

a) Send her packing, straight, no chaser.
b) Send her packing, but help for another 6 months
c) Try some more, and hope this time is different.
 
Ra Ra Ree kick her inna knee a Ra Runt kick her inna other knee.
Get rid of it.
My brother is in a identical situation.
Leeching off him for years, doing nothing but smoke herself silly.
Crashing his car, emotionally wrecked, blowing his money.
Naai get rid of it.
 
There is no way to easily end this. It sounds like an unhealthy situation so you have to end it, ideally as soon as possible.

I'd say option a). If she is overly dependent on you, there is a chance she comes up with another excuse if you support her for six months to extend it.
 
Answer = A

Sounds like you know its now time to move on and you have done what you could and realise its not going to change, otherwise it would have by now...

Its going to be tough all round but sometimes we have to do things in life that are not nice.

Best of luck.
 
If you haven't done it yet, you're probably not going to. Coming to ask the anonymous internet is just trying to grow a pair.

The second biggest scare you can give a girl is the prospect of being single and alone over 35.

The biggest is being a single parent over 35.

My only advice is not to ruin your relationship with her through whatever you decide. Considering the good nature of your interpersonal relationship, you have the responsibility to her, that if she does get scared straight after a year or two without you, that making amends with you isn't off the table.

And consider that there are many ways to measure a relationship. Money is only one way, and not a very good one. Unfortunately, it has become so intertwined with everyday life that it's hard to overlook.

Good luck sir
 
bromster said:
If you haven't done it yet, you're probably not going to. Coming to ask the anonymous internet is just trying to grow a pair.

The second biggest scare you can give a girl is the prospect of being single and alone over 35.

The biggest is being a single parent over 35.

My only advice is not to ruin your relationship with her through whatever you decide. Considering the good nature of your interpersonal relationship, you have the responsibility to her, that if she does get scared straight after a year or two without you, that making amends with you isn't off the table.

And consider that there are many ways to measure a relationship. Money is only one way, and not a very good one. Unfortunately, it has become so intertwined with everyday life that it's hard to overlook.

Good luck sir
Click to expand...
It's a very tricky situation.

But let me give you another scenario to try paint a clearer picture. You now have kids she still brings in no income but essentially takes care of the house and kids (stay at home mom). Would you still have a problem?

I think the biggest issue isn't the money she brings in or not but what was the expectation? You can't really really be annoyed if this was not discussed upfront before you guys got married etc. I mean she can learn a skill and it brings in money it takes up time for example art but barely anyone buys only brings in R100 a month would you still be annoyed.

I think you need to be clearer on what she does around the house because if she cooks cleans etc these are all jobs that you or someone else that is paid would have to do.
 
Snyper564 said:
It's a very tricky situation.

But let me give you another scenario to try paint a clearer picture. You now have kids she still brings in no income but essentially takes care of the house and kids (stay at home mom). Would you still have a problem?

I think the biggest issue isn't the money she brings in or not but what was the expectation? You can't really really be annoyed if this was not discussed upfront before you guys got married etc. I mean she can learn a skill and it brings in money it takes up time for example art but barely anyone buys only brings in R100 a month would you still be annoyed.
Click to expand...

I think OP is most likely incompatible with her and thus miserable. If so, it's best to end the relationship ASAP.

I mean, the financial issue could be part of it but is unlikely to be the main reason. There are many guys who are happy to support their spouses or have them be stay at home wives and are perfectly fine because they have compatible personalities.
 
Before you action anything go and see a lawyer. It may not be as easy as just walking away cleanly so best to get advice so you don't end up in court having to still take care of her.
 
Did you not freely make a solemn and public vow to her and to Almighty God that you would remain faithful and united to her for the rest of your life no matter what the circumstances? That's the very essence of marriage - a permanent and irrevocable lifelong commitment that no-one can sunder.
If so, don't be a cad and go back on your word. Man up and hold your feet to the fire.

That said, I suspect the real reason is you've grown tired of using one another for 18 years. If you still loved her and cared for her as a person and not an object to be used you wouldn't be asking the question here.

Fickle man. Fickle woman. So quick to make promises and hop into bed. So pathetically weak and inconstant when you get weary of playing the game. So sad that neither of you can take one another and life seriously enough to build an enduring relationship. You have sabotaged yourselves. So very sad.
 
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