Advice on ending a long term relationship

21st of January rolled around. And she was waiting to hear back on job applications, sent applications to a few places and picked up a freelance gig in the meantime. So okay, freelance agreement signed and going.

One of the posts here kept sticking in the back of my mind. The person said, don't let her go, get her to a therapist. Cause the underlying cause is not "lack of trying".

So I called up a friend of mine and got her to recommend someone. So this week, after her second session, she sits me down. I'm not going into detail, but yes, she did need a therapist. And so, with her actively generating an income, and dealing with personal issues. I told her, we can reassess in April. I'm not going to send her away, while she is dealing with this.

As for a relationship, that has come to an end. We live in the same space, and we're friends. And that is okay for now.

Once again, this might not have been the ideal forum for this, but it sure as hell brought a lot of perspective. I thank every one who commented.

Just to be 200% clear, I will not be talking about her experiences, and I would sincerely appreciate it if no-one tries to guess or speculate.

Hurt people hurt people, so don't hurt people. Please.
 
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MagNorthDigital said:
21st of January rolled around. And she was waiting to hear back on job applications, sent applications to a few places and picked up a freelance gig in the meantime. So okay, freelance agreement signed and going.

One of the posts here kept sticking in the back of my mind. The person said, don't let her go, get her to a therapist. Cause the underlying cause is not "lack of trying".

So I called up a friend of mine and got her to recommend someone. So this week, after her second session, she sits me down. I'm not going into detail, but yes, she did need a therapist. And so, with her actively generating an income, and dealing with personal issues. I told her, we can reassess in April. I'm not going to send her away, while she is dealing with this.

As for a relationship, that has come to an end. We live in the same space, and we're friends. And that is okay for now.

Once again, this might not have been the ideal forum for this, but it sure as hell brought a lot of perspective. I thank every one who commented.

Just to be 200% clear, I will not be talking about her experiences, and I would sincerely appreciate it if no-one tries to guess or speculate.

Hurt people hurt people, so don't hurt people. Please.
Click to expand...
thanks for replying
 
MagNorthDigital said:
21st of January rolled around. And she was waiting to hear back on job applications, sent applications to a few places and picked up a freelance gig in the meantime. So okay, freelance agreement signed and going.

One of the posts here kept sticking in the back of my mind. The person said, don't let her go, get her to a therapist. Cause the underlying cause is not "lack of trying".

So I called up a friend of mine and got her to recommend someone. So this week, after her second session, she sits me down. I'm not going into detail, but yes, she did need a therapist. And so, with her actively generating an income, and dealing with personal issues. I told her, we can reassess in April. I'm not going to send her away, while she is dealing with this.

As for a relationship, that has come to an end. We live in the same space, and we're friends. And that is okay for now.

Once again, this might not have been the ideal forum for this, but it sure as hell brought a lot of perspective. I thank every one who commented.

Just to be 200% clear, I will not be talking about her experiences, and I would sincerely appreciate it if no-one tries to guess or speculate.

Hurt people hurt people, so don't hurt people. Please.
Click to expand...

Wishing you both all the best.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
21st of January rolled around. And she was waiting to hear back on job applications, sent applications to a few places and picked up a freelance gig in the meantime. So okay, freelance agreement signed and going.

One of the posts here kept sticking in the back of my mind. The person said, don't let her go, get her to a therapist. Cause the underlying cause is not "lack of trying".

So I called up a friend of mine and got her to recommend someone. So this week, after her second session, she sits me down. I'm not going into detail, but yes, she did need a therapist. And so, with her actively generating an income, and dealing with personal issues. I told her, we can reassess in April. I'm not going to send her away, while she is dealing with this.

As for a relationship, that has come to an end. We live in the same space, and we're friends. And that is okay for now.

Once again, this might not have been the ideal forum for this, but it sure as hell brought a lot of perspective. I thank every one who commented.

Just to be 200% clear, I will not be talking about her experiences, and I would sincerely appreciate it if no-one tries to guess or speculate.

Hurt people hurt people, so don't hurt people. Please.
Click to expand...

Very glad to read that you got her talking to someone and that there was indeed cause for that concern and that it's being addressed now.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
21st of January rolled around. And she was waiting to hear back on job applications, sent applications to a few places and picked up a freelance gig in the meantime. So okay, freelance agreement signed and going.

One of the posts here kept sticking in the back of my mind. The person said, don't let her go, get her to a therapist. Cause the underlying cause is not "lack of trying".

So I called up a friend of mine and got her to recommend someone. So this week, after her second session, she sits me down. I'm not going into detail, but yes, she did need a therapist. And so, with her actively generating an income, and dealing with personal issues. I told her, we can reassess in April. I'm not going to send her away, while she is dealing with this.

As for a relationship, that has come to an end. We live in the same space, and we're friends. And that is okay for now.

Once again, this might not have been the ideal forum for this, but it sure as hell brought a lot of perspective. I thank every one who commented.

Just to be 200% clear, I will not be talking about her experiences, and I would sincerely appreciate it if no-one tries to guess or speculate.

Hurt people hurt people, so don't hurt people. Please.
Click to expand...
It took her 21 days to get a job. That is something. Just shows how quick you can get something with a support network. So many people spend years looking for income
 
SauRoNZA said:
Very glad to read that you got her talking to someone and that there was indeed cause for that concern and that it's being addressed now.
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Those people are just money grabbers. Make you feel like you need more sessions so they get income. Will keep you on a hook forever while they earn $$$. Rather go research yourself and save the money. You will enjoy it much more than be reliant on someone.
 
skimread said:
Those people are just money grabbers. Make you feel like you need more sessions so they get income. Will keep you on a hook forever while they earn $$$. Rather go research yourself and save the money. You will enjoy it much more than be reliant on someone.
Click to expand...

Only very bad ones and even then you just need the kickstart and can leave whenever you want.

Good ones get you sorted and on your way with an annual check-in which generally isn’t even a session.

Nothing worse than a Google doctor though.

Besides the point that if someone doesn’t have the motivation to even operate on the daily…what on earth makes you think they have the capacity to self diagnose (correctly) off the internet.
 
SauRoNZA said:
Only very bad ones and even then you just need the kickstart and can leave whenever you want.

Good ones get you sorted and on your way with an annual check-in which generally isn’t even a session.

Nothing worse than a Google doctor though.

Besides the point that if someone doesn’t have the motivation to even operate on the daily…what on earth makes you think they have the capacity to self diagnose (correctly) off the internet.
Click to expand...
Self diagnose on the internet? What medical condition does she have that require medication ? She gave up on life and hasn't worked for years. Mental issues is a lifelong journey. Motivation is a lifelong journey. It is not something you get a pill for or get told you weren't potty trained as a kid is the root cause and life becomes utopia. It is a rabbit hole of self exploration of what you want to do with your life. YOU discover one thing about yourself and then another and that continues for your whole life. Going to a professional, the advice you get will based largely and the specialization, interest, experience and personality of the person you go to. And majority of them want to afford a holiday home so charge you R1K per hour and you become their permanent patient. We are a capitalist society where clients are seen as assets.

I guess there is 2 schools. One where a 3rd party has to diagnose your unhappiness as one issue or would medicates the **** out of you, and the other that says you have to take responsibility for your life and live it and life is hard. I am in the latter school.

Head doctors vary so drastically that professionals with years of experience give opposite diagnosis. Look at the Oscar Pistorius court cases where the shrinks had polar opposite views on him. This is not uncommon.

OP's SO was not working and gave up looking of a job and became dependent on SO causing financial strain. You want to fix that with a pill or by paying someone to fix financial issues? Or how about classify her as ADHD, bipolar or schizophrenia . Heck classify everyone who is unemployed in SA as a medical issue that need a shrink. SA problably has a million people who have given up looking for work.

If we follow your advice the ANC gov should train 100K more grads as shrinks funded by the taxpayer and let them go to communities. Will this solve South Africa's unemployment problem. I say this won't.
 
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Wow. What a thread.

Too late to add anything, but this is a very important reminder to those of us in long term relationships that we should always keep working on ourselves, or relationship and to make sure we communicate with each other. Classic example of an issue turning into resentment.
 
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