Advice on ending a long term relationship

Reading this whole thread purely because I am in a sort of similar situation, to me it seems that you are a very controlling person and that might be the reason she is hesitant or unable to take control of her own life.

Don't get me wrong, I myself as a perfectionist sometimes get lost in my chase of perfection and am easily blinded by my demands.

My advice is, investigate if this can maybe be a problem and try controlling less and see if that brings her back to life?

Good luck!
 
Tector said:
Reading this whole thread purely because I am in a sort of similar situation, to me it seems that you are a very controlling person and that might be the reason she is hesitant or unable to take control of her own life.

Don't get me wrong, I myself as a perfectionist sometimes get lost in my chase of perfection and am easily blinded by my demands.

My advice is, investigate if this can maybe be a problem and try controlling less and see if that brings her back to life?

Good luck!
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This is great feedback, thank you. We sat and talked about this, and we both agreed, in Jan, i am hands off entirely. No suggestions, no guide railing. And only help when she asks, not when I see her struggling.

So this is firmly in place for January.

I am cool with this as it allows me to focus down work and build my own stuff.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
This is great feedback, thank you. We sat and talked about this, and we both agreed, in Jan, i am hands off entirely. No suggestions, no guide railing. And only help when she asks, not when I see her struggling.

So this is firmly in place for January.

I am cool with this as it allows me to focus down work and build my own stuff.
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I really hope you guys locate the source of the problem and get back together better than ever before!

Best of luck!
 
MagNorthDigital said:
As funny as this sounds. I would rather just walk on.
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In all honesty, this is the wrong place for advice imo. What you want to hear, might not be what you are going to get from us. Varying responses to you what you should do, will just make things worse.

I think either seek professional advice, or call it quits. Based on your replies, I think you somehow have already made your mind up. However, an 18 year relationship to be thrown away like that, is not something to be taken lightly, whether you are married, just partners, children or no children involved. Think this carefully through
 
Icemanbrfc said:
In all honesty, this is the wrong place for advice imo. What you want to hear, might not be what you are going to get from us. Varying responses to you what you should do, will just make things worse.

I think either seek professional advice, or call it quits. Based on your replies, I think you somehow have already made your mind up. However, an 18 year relationship to be thrown away like that, is not something to be taken lightly, whether you are married, just partners, children or no children involved. Think this carefully through
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Thanks Ice, thank you for the mindshare and consideration for some random guy somewhere in ZA.

The plan is trial separation, with no help from my side until she asks. Bru seeing my heart walk out the door with a 40l Backpack and a suitcase, trying to face South Africa on her own, is unlike anything I will ever feel. I am going to need to speak to Jack and God in equal measure that evening.

There is no animosity or harsh words between us. No fighting. That wouldnt do either of us any good. So now it's just faith that we can plan, and execute on those plans, both of us. Until she needs me, or contacts me to sit down and decide if it's on or off.

Neither of is want to wipe out the past. But we both need to work on ourselves in many ways. So it ended up being A, with as little baggage as possible.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Thanks Ice, thank you for the mindshare and consideration for some random guy somewhere in ZA.

The plan is trial separation, with no help from my side until she asks. Bru seeing my heart walk out the door with a 40l Backpack and a suitcase, trying to face South Africa on her own, is unlike anything I will ever feel. I am going to need to speak to Jack and God in equal measure that evening.

There is no animosity or harsh words between us. No fighting. That wouldnt do either of us any good. So now it's just faith that we can plan, and execute on those plans, both of us. Until she needs me, or contacts me to sit down and decide if it's on or off.

Neither of is want to wipe out the past. But we both need to work on ourselves in many ways. So it ended up being A, with as little baggage as possible.
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I wish you both everything of the best, which ever way it goes
 
FiestaST said:
And then you get females like this, truly ducked up.

https://twitter.com/x/status/1611274499344703489
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A world gone mad. Thing is, there are good women (and men) out there. Women long ago fought for equality, to be treated as the balance to a man. His lighthouse, firmly built on her own foundation.

What we have today, in popular culture and in society reduces both men to Ken and women to Barbie. Plastic opposites, interchangeable.

Everyone parrots some knuckledragger saying "what does she bring to the table?" Like it's a buy in at a poker table.

That is the wrong question. For both partners. The question should always be, are they complete people, where do you fit in their lives, and do they "need" to be with you, or do they "want" to be with you.

Girls like that, give good women a bad name.
 
Willie Trombone said:
Sounds to me like you have made no commitment to her and you don't want her around anymore. Why exactly are you asking for advice then to do what you want to do?
*Edit* and I see you've moved on, but not really, given the thread lives on.
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Welkom Willie.
Melk in yskas. Suikar aan linker kant. Koppies onder in die hoek. Rooibos tee op die counter.

Help jouself.
 
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