Advice on ending a long term relationship

MagNorthDigital said:
I'll say it as simply and plainly as I can.

She is the love of my life, I don't want anyone else, it's her or no-one. Believe it or don't, it makes no difference to me.

But she for many reasons has become complacent, has become the passenger in her own life. Where I drive both my life and hers, in all the ways that matter.

This thought process, and these actions is to get her back in the drivers seat of her life. I have tried every other approach, I've tried talking, I've tried throwing resources and time and other people at the problem. I have tried everything from lifestyle to environment changes.

This is the last thing I can try.

I am doing this, not cause I stand to gain out of this, odds are I lose her, cause she goes on without me, or she disappears, or she finds someone else. There are so many ways I can lose, and yet I still want her to get up, get back in the drivers seat, and start that ****ing engine.

Cause I think she is incredible, as a person, as a companion and as a friend. And that deserves to be on fire, not just hidden away, happy to exist.

Consider this, why would I jeopardize our relationships, why would I choose to take myself and her through hell, through separation. I have it made in relationship terms, Why would i mess with that? I do this cause I love the person more than the situation. And I need that person to take control of her own life, to be the force she once was.
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Have you join a cult recently or some Inner Healing Seasons?
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Thanks Willie, her hormones are fine. Being older models we both go for our checkups. We even had dna testing done, to pick up any future complications. Was all above board. There is nothing physically wrong with either of us, and we're both in good shape.
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He probably means the above. LOL. How glorious.

MagNorthDigital said:
Quote please. Show me where I said that?
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Ol' @Pak Fa Fui made a Fak Fa Pui
 
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MagNorthDigital said:
I have. We have sat down, this didn't happen yesterday. This has been years in the making. I've run up every hill I could think of. You guys seem to think I haven't spoken to her, like that's not the first thing I tried, 6 years ago.

"Be a man" what is that exactly, cause it's clearly not carrying a relationship day in and out, working like a ****ing dog to stay afloat, fighting with and for her, caring for us, no matter what it takes. Supporting her, through her life, instigating life altering changes for both of us for the better.

What kind of man should I be then? You tell me?
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In your case were you're not being a man is actually confronting her and making it known exactly what you feel.
 
Polymathic said:
In your case were you're not being a man is actually confronting her and making it known exactly what you feel.
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Oi vey. Simply put. I did. Many times, in many different ways. I tried in as many ways as was reasonable.

I think our definition of what a "man" is is slightly different. How strict was your dad, Bru?
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Oi vey. Simply put. I did. Many times, in many different ways. I tried in as many ways as was reasonable.

I think our definition of what a "man" is is slightly different. How strict was your dad, Bru?
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Have you tried actually confronting head on and initiating an intense argument?
 
SauRoNZA said:
Quite the opposite.

Receiving something very random that I have no use for I consider very impersonal because it shows that you don’t really know me on any level.

And no it’s not about the gift, but if the gift is ****ing useless and way off it’s just waste of money and time and energy.

Not everyone is the same when it comes to giving and receiving of gifts.

And yes, being a foodie taking me out to somewhere I haven’t been before is a great gift, but even so I’d much prefer to know about it in advance so I can tell you whether it’s going to be a good or bad idea.

There’s nothing I despise more than surprises. Especially if they go wrong and I then have to either pretend I liked it or be the **** who says I already have this thing or already did this thing etc.

The most personal gift you can give me is asking me up front what you can get me or checking in that your idea is a good one. Failing that a voucher will always be a winner.
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Polymathic said:
Have you tried actually confronting head on and initiating an intense argument?
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Sure. Fullon war, to the point where we would go walk around sant Pere just to cool down. Enough to talk **** to each other again.

I remember it, cause this old spanish tannie gave me the worst vuil kyk of my life.

Never again did we fight like that, not over money or responsibility.

I've tried bru, I think she has tried too. She just needs to go and feel cold water for a while.

in all our fights, we've always found our way back to the other person. This feels very different.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Sure. Fullon war, to the point where we would go walk around sant Pere just to cool down. Enough to talk **** to each other again.

I remember it, cause this old spanish tannie gave me the worst vuil kyk of my life.

Never again did we fight like that, not over money or responsibility.

I've tried bru, I think she has tried too. She just needs to go and feel cold water for a while.

in all our fights, we've always found our way back to the other person. This feels very different.
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Did you have one about your current issue with her?
 
Polymathic said:
Did you have one about your current issue with her?
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The issue is exactly the same? Healing takes time, so it would be explosion, heal, try and make progress, frustration, mitigation, explosion. The same tune sung with different instruments and different volumes.

Getting her to fight me, or to prove me wrong, or to vindicate herself, just leads to pain and suffering. Obvs neither of us wanted that for ourselves or the other person. So an outright screaming match accomplished nothing.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
The issue is exactly the same? Healing takes time, so it would be explosion, heal, try and make progress, frustration, mitigation, explosion. The same tune sung with different instruments and different volumes.

Getting her to fight me, or to prove me wrong, or to vindicate herself, just leads to pain and suffering. Obvs neither of us wanted that for ourselves or the other person. So an outright screaming match accomplished nothing.
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Getting everything out and in open, maybe she can change or maybe it will result in a cleaner break.
 
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