Advice on ending a long term relationship

maumau said:
So she's you best friend but not the wife you'd choose.
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Does there really need to be this great all powerful distinction? I don't want her (or any woman) to have my children?

I clearly don't have the same definition of this all holy grail "wife", some people refer to. I chose a life partner, a person to give myself to and to spend my days with, and I expected the same from her. Until a few years ago, we contributed to each other equally.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Does there really need to be this great all powerful distinction? I don't want her (or any woman) to have my children?

I clearly don't have the same definition of this all holy grail "wife", some people refer to. I chose a life partner, a person to give myself to and to spend my days with, and I expected the same from her. Until a few years ago, we contributed to each other equally.
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IMO there's a huge difference in the love you'd feel for your friend/family and the love you'd feel for your wife.

IIRC other languages have various words to describe the nuanced emotions we English umbrella in the word "love".

Who said anything about children?
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Sounds like you could use a sit-down with your missus too. Good luck. It ain't easy, fighting is far easier, fighting cause you believe that you are fighting to keep that person, when all you're doing is adding more layers of prison bars around you and her.

I am still truly, madly, deeply in love, with the woman she was. And that's what kicked all of this off for me. Now I realise no amount of fighting will return her to me. I have to let go of her, and see who comes back to me, and I have to be ready to deal with that event, and everything around it.

It was incredible while it lasted. And I don't regret a single moment.
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If you love her set her free.
If she doesn't come back.
Hunt her down and shoot her.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Thanks Willie, her hormones are fine. Being older models we both go for our checkups. We even had dna testing done, to pick up any future complications. Was all above board. There is nothing physically wrong with either of us, and we're both in good shape.

I mean how many 40 year old women do you know that can deadlift 1.25x her body weight and bench 60kg. (We gym together)

So physical health is a priority for both of us.
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So now your girlfriend is a man
 
ShaunSA said:
Something isn't making sense here :unsure:
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Exactly.

OP is half and half about her in his texts, but 100% all in regarding getting rid of her.

"Oh <positive things to say about her and how much he loves her>"

"But, no, really I have had enough now and I'm doing this to make her stronger!"

OP, just remember we don't have your experiences to work with. I'm not saying you're invalid in anything you've said or felt, but your statements are very contradictory.
 
maumau said:
IMO there's a huge difference in the love you'd feel for your friend/family and the love you'd feel for your wife.

IIRC other languages have various words to describe the nuanced emotions we English umbrella in the word "love".

Who said anything about children?
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Do you have to sign a piece of paper, or stand in front of some old toppie and say the "magic words" like he is Merlin that casts the spell. Only then can you truly love someone? That spell clearly has a terrible half-life, as our relationship has outlasted most marriages.

if you're asking if I love her, as an equal, as a partner. Of course. I'd run into battle for her, and I'd drag her out of hell. But she has got to want to do it for herself as well.
 
r4nd0m said:
Exactly.

OP is half and half about her in his texts, but 100% all in regarding getting rid of her.

"Oh <positive things to say about her and how much he loves her>"

"But, no, really I have had enough now and I'm doing this to make her stronger!"

OP, just remember we don't have your experiences to work with. I'm not saying you're invalid in anything you've said or felt, but your statements are very contradictory.
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I'll say it as simply and plainly as I can.

She is the love of my life, I don't want anyone else, it's her or no-one. Believe it or don't, it makes no difference to me.

But she for many reasons has become complacent, has become the passenger in her own life. Where I drive both my life and hers, in all the ways that matter.

This thought process, and these actions is to get her back in the drivers seat of her life. I have tried every other approach, I've tried talking, I've tried throwing resources and time and other people at the problem. I have tried everything from lifestyle to environment changes.

This is the last thing I can try.

I am doing this, not cause I stand to gain out of this, odds are I lose her, cause she goes on without me, or she disappears, or she finds someone else. There are so many ways I can lose, and yet I still want her to get up, get back in the drivers seat, and start that ****ing engine.

Cause I think she is incredible, as a person, as a companion and as a friend. And that deserves to be on fire, not just hidden away, happy to exist.

Consider this, why would I jeopardize our relationships, why would I choose to take myself and her through hell, through separation. I have it made in relationship terms, Why would i mess with that? I do this cause I love the person more than the situation. And I need that person to take control of her own life, to be the force she once was.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Do you have to sign a piece of paper, or stand in front of some old toppie and say the "magic words" like he is Merlin that casts the spell. Only then can you truly love someone? That spell clearly has a terrible half-life, as our relationship has outlasted most marriages.

if you're asking if I love her, as an equal, as a partner. Of course. I'd run into battle for her, and I'd drag her out of hell. But she has got to want to do it for herself as well.
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Dude, you're all over the place.

Be a man and stop pussy footing around her and just air your grievances with her.
 
Polymathic said:
Dude, you're all over the place.

Be a man and stop pussy footing around her and just air your grievances with her.
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I have. We have sat down, this didn't happen yesterday. This has been years in the making. I've run up every hill I could think of. You guys seem to think I haven't spoken to her, like that's not the first thing I tried, 6 years ago.

"Be a man" what is that exactly, cause it's clearly not carrying a relationship day in and out, working like a ****ing dog to stay afloat, fighting with and for her, caring for us, no matter what it takes. Supporting her, through her life, instigating life altering changes for both of us for the better.

What kind of man should I be then? You tell me?
 
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