Anorgasmia

Pitbull said:
Or in the bath at home, maybe the shower. While on the crapper. Maybe at night while you sleeping. And so the list goes on and on. I have no idea why there is this stigma attached to self pleasure :confused: people are shy to admit it but everyone does it. It's like someone saying: "I have never farted before in my life"

Come on, really? :D
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It is difficult to understand I know. But some people just don't like to do it.

@OP
Ask your wife honestly, if she actually enjoys sex. If she thinks about it at all. If she looks forward to it with dripping anticipation. I am willing to be that she probably isn't.

The reason I say to ask this, is that it may even be mental and hormonal. She may have a low sex drive caused by hormonal imbalances. This is a question that you might have to really poke and prod at. Just because she seems to be enjoying it in the moment, doesn't mean that she has a high sex drive, or that she is actually enjoying it.

It is a difficult question to have answered. The problem here is that she might feel like admitting that she does not enjoy sex/hardly thinks about sex would be interpreted by you as a negative reflection on you. So to do the "good wife" thing, she pretends and says how she enjoys it but she just cant seem to get there. When actually she is just not that into sex. No amount of skill or technique on your part will make any difference here. If it is all purely mental, then you have a wall to break down, but there is hope. If it is hormonal, then it is infinitely more complex.

The hormonal imbalance could be caused by PCOS, or by an incompatible diet. Or many other things.

Something that I have read about that may help:
Some women manage to increase their sex drives on a lower carb diet. IE lower carb but higher fat (not protein). Hormones are driven by brain chemistry, and if your brain chemistry has issue when running on predominantly glucose as an energy source, then eating carbs can exacerbate the problem. Eating fats produces more ketones and may allow the brain chemistry to work right (For that individual at least).

Ask her to be honest about it. Reassure her that any answer she gives will not be taken personally by you.

It is a problem that can and will spiral further and further out of control. Every time you have sex and she doesn't get there, thinking that it is her problem. She re-enforces the anxiety in her mind that is driving it in the first place.
Much like the psychology behind a guy not being able to get it up, the more he worries over not getting it up, the less likely it is to stand to attention. Then the feeling of disappointing their partner sets in and drives the anxiety up and feeds it back into the beginning of the loop. Round and round it goes.
 
I think your wife might be ashamed of something that has happened previously to her. If she feels like peeing during climax its a sign that she might be a squirter (absolutely nothing wrong with a squirter). Tell her to pee before any sex and if during sex or foreplay she feels like she has to "pee" she must just let it go.

You must understand that you have to communicate these things before sex so that she k kwows there is NOTHING wrong with it, whatever happens happens and you will not think ill of her should she "pee". The key is communication, she should feel comfortable and relaxed during sex and by the sounds of it she is currently not relaxed.

Tell her that the "pee" is not really pee but it is her having a massive orgasm and its a big turn on for you.
 
The_Mowgs said:
I think your wife might be ashamed of something that has happened previously to her. If she feels like peeing during climax its a sign that she might be a squirter (absolutely nothing wrong with a squirter). Tell her to pee before any sex and if during sex or foreplay she feels like she has to "pee" she must just let it go.

You must understand that you have to communicate these things before sex so that she k kwows there is NOTHING wrong with it, whatever happens happens and you will not think ill of her should she "pee". The key is communication, she should feel comfortable and relaxed during sex and by the sounds of it she is currently not relaxed.

Tell her that the "pee" is not really pee but it is her having a massive orgasm and its a big turn on for you.
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I agree. It is amazing how many of us have hangups about our bodies and its functions and how ashamed we can be of it. It can be a big obsitcle for many. That is why I almost have a sense of respect for people that are nudists. They are so comfortable in their own skin and bodies. No hangups. I also think they need to have a long intimate talk about it. Just play open cards. Communication is important. Not only before, but DURING sex also. Tell your partner that you are loving what they are doing at that moment, or tell them that instead of rubbing there, can you rub there or lick here instead. Not demanding ... but guiding. You ure partner should be doing the same in return .... guiding you also.
 
Ockie said:
Correct, it could be....but that would be a extreme thing and not going to be easily fixed. If she already has a problem with masturbation or using toys, can you imagine how she would feel about bringing a 2nd man into the bedroom .... and OP for all we know might freak out even more than she does at the though. We have seen the reactions of straight men on this very here informative forum when it comes to mmf ways. They have a meltdown.
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It's not something to be fixed. It just didn't happen for her with the others, but we don't have any problems in this regard.

Regarding masturbation, I get the feeling that she doesn't feel comfortable with herself. She has done it before, but it isn't like she does it often.

Getting a second man in will never be up for discussion, neither by me, and - I know this for a fact - by her.
 
Akasha said:
YAY! How? What did you do?
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We had a very open discussion about things a few days after I posted on here.

We spoke about EVERYTHING that I said I would. It was a constructive discussion, and the bottom line is that we have quite differing views on our sexuality. I'm a lot more open and she is a lot more conservative.

A lot of this I knew already, but I wanted to give her another change to put everything on the table. She has no history of sexual abuse, and Ockie you were right she does view masturbation as "wrong" but couldn't explain why. She was "taught" that it was wrong. I challenged her view and said that as an adult one needs to be more open minded about things and not confined to the ways you were taught when you were 12.

A few nights ago we tried something different where she was on top. Instead of the ol' up and down she tried a more front to back movement which seemed to work for her. She seems to like strong maintained pressure on the clitoris area. Something that the pubic bone gave her with this movement.

She said that she felt it was different and that it could definitely work if we went on long enough. Unfortunately this evening I didn't last quite long enough.

Last night we tried it again, except this time I lasted a lot longer and she managed to climax! :)
 
50CentShort said:
We had a very open discussion about things a few days after I posted on here.

We spoke about EVERYTHING that I said I would. It was a constructive discussion, and the bottom line is that we have quite differing views on our sexuality. I'm a lot more open and she is a lot more conservative.

A lot of this I knew already, but I wanted to give her another change to put everything on the table. She has no history of sexual abuse, and Ockie you were right she does view masturbation as "wrong" but couldn't explain why. She was "taught" that it was wrong. I challenged her view and said that as an adult one needs to be more open minded about things and not confined to the ways you were taught when you were 12.

A few nights ago we tried something different where she was on top. Instead of the ol' up and down she tried a more front to back movement which seemed to work for her. She seems to like strong maintained pressure on the clitoris area. Something that the pubic bone gave her with this movement.

She said that she felt it was different and that it could definitely work if we went on long enough. Unfortunately this evening I didn't last quite long enough.

Last night we tried it again, except this time I lasted a lot longer and she managed to climax! :)
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Lekker lekker soos 'n cracker.

I am glad your lady had a good experience. And hopefully she will have many more to cum. :D
 
Good for you! Some women can't cum from penetration only. Some of us need penetration and clitoral stimulation. She'll get there even quicker when you introduce other things :D
 
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