Asking the parents...

luxe said:
Not old fashioned at all, I asked my wife's father out of respect for him.

He raised her and even though I wasn't asking permission, I was saying " Thanks for doing such a good job, I'd really like to marry to your daughter"

Do the right thing and talk to her dad, there is no downside to being respectful / courteous.
Click to expand...
Did she ask your mum's permission?
 
I think it's pretty backwards to ask the parents without asking her first. She is not their property, regardless of how they might view it.

But nevertheless, here is what I would do in such a sensitive situation:

Watch the movie "Meet the Parents" with her. At the point where the dude wants to propose, and his girlfriend starts talking about how awesome it was that her brother-in-law asked her father first, light heartedly enquire if women still really believe in that sort of thing. If she is in favour of it, then go ask her parents first. If she is not, then DO NOT DO IT. Seriously. If she hates the idea, then don't disrespect her wishes. It might make for awkward family get-togethers for a short while if her parents are pissed at you, but it's better than losing her, or having her angry at you.
 
luxe said:
Not old fashioned at all, I asked my wife's father out of respect for him.

He raised her and even though I wasn't asking permission, I was saying " Thanks for doing such a good job, I'd really like to marry to your daughter"

Do the right thing and talk to her dad, there is no downside to being respectful / courteous.
Click to expand...

Ask her first, then ask for their blessing as a courtesy if you must. The bottom line is the whole thing hinges on her answer, so it's pointless asking them without knowing what her answer will be.
 
I asked both of Head Office's parents, I guess in this case they could Be known as "The Shareholders" , sure I was nervous, but I knew her folks for a number of years, Head Office was not in attendance, I stumblede through the thought out speech, mom in law burst into tears, father in law muttered something along the lines of Thank God.....

My point being, it was a memory that is often recalled at braai's for years to come, how the bungling Scotsman came to ask for the Englishmans daughters hand......

Memories are made of those moments, so go for it...
 
Mike Hoxbig said:
Ask her first, then ask for their blessing as a courtesy if you must. The bottom line is the whole thing hinges on her answer, so it's pointless asking them without knowing what her answer will be.
Click to expand...

How many people now days ask without knowing that she will say yes? All my friends etc who have asked were 99% sure she would say yes
 
killadoob said:
Without a doubt, ask her father. I didn't do it and it caused havoc. I didn't realize we still lived in times where you have to ask for permission to marry someone but it seemed i was wrong and i had to go and apologize for my lack of respect.

Wasn't fun, way worse than asking upfront i think.
Click to expand...

Even though we live in an age where chicks are giving BJ's at age 10, we still have those old fogies around that lived in the times of their own old fogies.

It's just common courtesy - if she loves you, she will marry you in spite of her parents' blessing. It also shows her parents that you respect them enough to ask their permission, because it is "the done thing." Even if it's a load of bollocks.

There is nothing worse than having to be on tiptoes around your woman's parents.
 
It's really something to be taken on a case by cases basis.

If you know her parents well enough you should know the answer already.

I didn't ask mine, because I didn't feel like I needed to and there were no issues at all about it.

My ex however I did ask because they were much more traditional, and that worked out perfectly as well.
 
/necro

I have not done it yet, My life has taken a few steps back regarding my career... I don't think her father would aprove it, but I feel that it does not really matter. She has bought a house and will be moving within the next few weeks. I have saved about R20k for a ring and a honeymoon. I need to do this...I can do this...
626896.gif
 
chrisc4290 said:
Well, my daughter (32) had been going out with this guy for 10 years so we just assumed that he would indeed pop the question. It just came out when he was here, he stepped into the kitchen said, "P and I were thinking of getting hitched, is that ok with you" and of course I said yes, only with pleasure. It was easy as that. Of course I know the guy quite well, we have all been on holiday together both here and overseas.

I presume you have made your intentions quite clear to your girl-friend? And she is as keen as you are?
Click to expand...

christmas at the white house as well ?
 
After two years of dating you (should) know how they will respond. It is more a courtesy thing as many pointed out, times have changed. I more of told my in-laws of my intentions than asked for their permission. Helped a great deal in setting the standard of relationship going forward.

Remember, you marry the whole family, not only her!
 
I more politely told them that we are gonna get married, as opposed to asked - but in a question kind of way.

Had they said no, it would've had no impact on whether or not we would have gotten married or not.

So try doing it that way.
 
jacodebeer said:
/necro

I have not done it yet, My life has taken a few steps back regarding my career... I don't think her father would aprove it, but I feel that it does not really matter. She has bought a house and will be moving within the next few weeks. I have saved about R20k for a ring and a honeymoon. I need to do this...I can do this...
Click to expand...

Good luck :D
 
Inform the elders from your family amd arrange a get-together with you prospective wife/gf's family.

This is the most socially acceptable way sometimes.
 
I know earlier in the thread it was mentioned you ask a blessing - not permission. While I understand that, it could be very awkward if they don't approve because they have a large influence over her.

My bet is if the parents say no, there's no wedding ...
 
jacodebeer said:
/necro

I have not done it yet, My life has taken a few steps back regarding my career... I don't think her father would aprove it, but I feel that it does not really matter. She has bought a house and will be moving within the next few weeks. I have saved about R20k for a ring and a honeymoon. I need to do this...I can do this...
Click to expand...
You really think now is the best time? What's the rush?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X