Breaking up... with yourself

[Deleted member 369928]

You know what you should do?

Be more ambiguous, and then give senseless updates.

Oh, nevermind.

Truth is. I fell in love with someone else. Other than the misses. Never acted on it. But the emotions were strong. The desire. I gave a lot to this other person. I was caught in love for my family and love for this other person. The more i tried to cut them off and out of my life, the more difficult things became, until i realized being indifferent towards them is a better strategy that just cutting them off. It had a serious impact on my family as my thoughts and energy was spent on this other person and not my family.

The difference being resignation vs acceptance.
This podcast helped me. And i still struggle to accept things as opposed to saying ahhh fck it.

7 - Acceptance vs Resignation

Listen to this episode from Secular Buddhism on Spotify. This episode explores the difference between Acceptance vs Resignation. A common misconception about Buddhist thought is the idea that acceptance means we just resign to what is and we don't/can't do anything about it. Buddhism does not...

open.spotify.com

This was but one part of all the trials and tribulations faced over the last few weeks.
Majority of it stemmed from me just bottling down an incident 2 years ago where i discovered the misses having an affair. I could handle everything pretty well. The physical elements to such an affair, but what i could not stomach was seeing my (at the time) new born in a photo with this other person.

We worked through all those drama, except i did not. I smiled and waved. And recently... waking up out of this SSRI induced slumber i was forced to also look at the holistic view of my life. Such incidents really makes one question every aspect of your life.

 

[azbob]

Your wife cheated on you and you had a chance to cheat on her but didn't? Well done. You're more mature than we've given you credit for.

Your wife is probably still or cheating again though.

 

[Deleted member 369928]

Your wife cheated on you and you had a chance to cheat on her but didn't? Well done. You're more mature than we've given you credit for.

Your wife is probably still or cheating again though.

To me, whether or not she is being unfaithful, is really not my concern. My concern is me, how i react and act on a daily basis. What others do is theirs. Slapping a ring on and a label does not give us an inherent right to try and change or control others.

That does not mean i will overlook such things and be blissful. I do not approve of cheating. Occasionally, believe it or not. Good can come out of it.

Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved

Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic: because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected — an expression of longing and loss. A...

www.ted.com

Very good talk. Also demonstrates just how selfish a species we are. Self gratification.

 

[SlinkyMike]

It just felt weird tbh

Yea - that's the appeal. Get some strange.

 

[Ghost64]

I say go for the other woman...

 

[ToxicBunny]

Truth is. I fell in love with someone else. Other than the misses. Never acted on it. But the emotions were strong. The desire. I gave a lot to this other person. I was caught in love for my family and love for this other person. The more i tried to cut them off and out of my life, the more difficult things became, until i realized being indifferent towards them is a better strategy that just cutting them off. It had a serious impact on my family as my thoughts and energy was spent on this other person and not my family.

The difference being resignation vs acceptance.
This podcast helped me. And i still struggle to accept things as opposed to saying ahhh fck it.

7 - Acceptance vs Resignation

Listen to this episode from Secular Buddhism on Spotify. This episode explores the difference between Acceptance vs Resignation. A common misconception about Buddhist thought is the idea that acceptance means we just resign to what is and we don't/can't do anything about it. Buddhism does not...

open.spotify.com

This was but one part of all the trials and tribulations faced over the last few weeks.
Majority of it stemmed from me just bottling down an incident 2 years ago where i discovered the misses having an affair. I could handle everything pretty well. The physical elements to such an affair, but what i could not stomach was seeing my (at the time) new born in a photo with this other person.

We worked through all those drama, except i did not. I smiled and waved. And recently... waking up out of this SSRI induced slumber i was forced to also look at the holistic view of my life. Such incidents really makes one question every aspect of your life.

Not that I've listened to the podcast, but the title is very apt... there is a significant difference between acceptance and resignation and the way we approach things once we've chosen either path is completely different but most people don't understand the difference

At the end of the day with the event you described, the work to "fix" it is long and arduous from both sides. Its not something that gets fixed quickly or easily.
As much as SSRI's and other associated types of drugs help us deal with daily life and "function" they don't fix the problem itself. Been in the depths of depression and did all those things, and it was only until I got off them and faced the "demon" that the avenue of true and meaningful change has been opened up.