Pyninniegat Oom Stoffel advises the next commenter on his list to deal with his dislike of White Apartheid People (WAP).
Oom Stoffel burst on to the Pyninniegat scene in January, fulfilling the secret dreams of thousands of commenters by making them the subject of an article for once. We all love ripping off online commenters, but have you ever tried to help one? We didn't think so. That's why the world is grateful for people like Oom Stoffel -- saving the internet, one troll at a time.
Black Trash, espouser of all things racially fuelled and M&G Online regular, meet your new Oom.
Dear Black Trash
Where are you? Oom Stoffel hasn't seen your name come up on the comment queue for so long ... I'm starting to get a little worried.
Besides your absence, I'm also a bit concerned about your self-esteem. Having a pseudonym like Black Trash is just a little transparent, don't you think?
You should know that low self-esteem often manifests as retaliation against others. Although your comments are educational with their wide range of (mostly) offensive synonyms for the word "WAP", they are too aggressive and sometimes (read: most times) off-topic.
Taking my cue from your comments, I want to tell you something that you may not already know: APARTHEID ARE NOT THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING THAT'S WRONG IN THE WORLD. Phew! It's out!
I know this may come as a shock, so have a moment to take it in. The world is sometimes a bad place with bad people and governments, and they come in all kinds of colours -- including black.
Are you still standing? Tea or a stiff shot? Get it now and continue when you've recovered.
Now then, I've compiled a nifty step-by-step programme to help you ease your hatred of WAP while working the comments. Make sure you do not comment until you have completed all the steps. Here's what to do:
1. When reading the article and subsequent comments, inhale deeply. Count to five and take in all the air your belly can comfortably hold.
2. Exhale slowly, again counting up to five.
3. Identify the exact cause of your hatred and the underlying reasons behind it.
4. Write them down as many times as you want to, then burn the whole document. This exercise will enable the release of the hatred. Imagine, if you will, WAP that you hate the most crumbling before you like that sheet of paper, asking you to make the world right again. It will make you smile, and it will help with the next step.
5. Practise visualisation techniques. No, not smashing a hammer into the back of someone's head because you aren't happy with what Apartheid did, but of you smiling at WAP. I would have suggested hugging or even interacting for others; however, I think this should be fine for you. Baby steps -- we don't want you having a breakdown.
6. See how you feel after this, and when you are more comfortable smiling at WAP in your mind, then you may comment.
Just remember, Black Trash, Oom Stoffel believes in free will for all. But when your free will causes bleeding eyes for others because they have to read your comments, that's when I need to step in to restore some balance.
It's okay to be proud of being who you are, blackness and trashiness and all. Just please don't let that pride morph into such terrible feelings against everyone who isn't black. That's a little too trashy for our liking.
Yours in healthy commenting,
Pyninniegat Oom Stoffel
