Dementia is a beatch

dabean said:
The human condition bru. The best people I’ve ever met have been in mental institutions.

Why? They recognise their limitations.
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It isn't like I didn't know what I was letting my self get into, didn't expect the end result.

I can tell you one thing, I am not emotional, that part has died some time ago, and have a hard time expressing it, when someone else needs it.
 
wizardofid said:
It isn't like I didn't know what I was letting my self get into, didn't expect the end result.

I can tell you one thing, I am not emotional, that part has died some time ago, and have a hard time expressing it, when someone else needs it.
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The emotional part of you doesn’t die. You learn to suppress it.

One way of thinking of my first breakdown in 2014 is like constantly dodging things.

Eventually even Muhammad Ali can’t dodge all the blows coming to him.

When they hit, I cracked. **** that I’d been representing since toddler years came out.

Not that I can change anything, but if you have a support system, please reach out.
 
wizardofid said:
So yeah time for an update.

Struggling here a bit. They moved her from the hospital to a rehab center. Discovery signed her up to the Care Co-ordinator program, which gives her an additional 2 weeks of rehab care.

But the reality is hitting home, and not dealing with it well at the moment. She can't come home due to having progressed needing 24/7 care now. If she comes home she is going to, is going to need my full attention for whatever time she has left. She has lost a ton of weight, we know we are getting towards the end stage now.

I am fine with her dying, it is the part of her being with me 24/7 since 2000 that is getting to me. I have been alone for more than a month now, that aspect is catching up with me.

You would think being alone, would be a holiday, but turns out you end up having more stress expecting a call she has passed or something. Still suffering from PSTD from last year, still wake up in the middle of the night at the slightest noise, getting less sleep, and roll in bed endlessly.

I am scared for when the depression eventually hits me, I have a impressionable personality, it wouldn't be take much to turn to drinking or some other thing to cope.

Just trying to work it out, she isn't dead yet but honestly she might as well be.

So yeah I am fcked either way.
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It's not bad that you are recognising the potential need for help in this arena.

This thread is longer than Paul Hjul's (spelling) MyBB walls of text of yore. Have you considered seeing a psychologist now already so as to best guide you in a healthy direction when you need it?
 
dabean said:
The emotional part of you doesn’t die. You learn to suppress it.

One way of thinking of my first breakdown in 2014 is like constantly dodging things.

Eventually even Muhammad Ali can’t dodge all the blows coming to him.

When they hit, I cracked. **** that I’d been representing since toddler years came out.

Not that I can change anything, but if you have a support system, please reach out.
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Yeah I do, sort off. My eldest brother. But I can't burden him with this shyte, girlfriend passed away a couple of weeks back from sepsis from a botched surgery, his wife died a few years ago from cancer.

He was here this weekend, and was barely holding on him self. Which is why I have this thread, just to speak my mind, whoever cares enough to read it.

But yeah end times and all that.

What annoys me she is no longer there, what is keeping her alive, enough with the pain and suffering, you are welcome to go. It is sort of up to her to decide I had enough, she keeps on going like a husk for whatever reason.
 
wizardofid said:
Yeah I do, sort off. My eldest brother. But I can't burden him with this shyte, girlfriend passed away a couple of weeks back from sepsis from a botched surgery, his wife died a few years ago from cancer.

He was here this weekend, and was barely holding on him self. Which is why I have this thread, just to speak my mind, whoever cares enough to read it.

But yeah end times and all that.

What annoys me she is no longer there, what is keeping her alive, enough with the pain and suffering, you are welcome to go. It is sort of up to her to decide I had enough, she keeps on going like a husk for whatever reason.
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We’re all destined to die, right?

Not being flippant but all we can decide is how we go out.
 
now05ster said:
It's not bad that you are recognising the potential need for help in this arena.

This thread is longer than Paul Hjul's (spelling) MyBB walls of text of yore. Have you considered seeing a psychologist now already so as to best guide you in a healthy direction when you need it?
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Honestly I don't need someone to listen and tell me what I already know. kinda self for-filling prophecy if you know what I mean, just some random person will do the job for free.

The hospital psychologist contacted me while she was in hospital, and started with religion spiel, yeah I shutdown the instance she mentioned it.

But that said this thread is as good as any to unload.
 
This came up on my threads and I have never read anything until now about your situation.

But this is my greatest fear, being a burden for my kids and family because of dementia.

You are a MUCH MUCH better person than me, I don't think I will be able to cope with this trauma and looking after my Mom.
 
wizardofid said:
Well at this point science is keeping her alive. fck that shyte. I hope I go out with a bang.......lol
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To be honestly I totally understand why people like robin williams offed him self, given the opportunity I think Bruce Willis would have done the same,

I tried explaining to my mom what is happening to her early one, she couldn't grasp the concept nor understand she is terminal and dying a slow painful death.

As the thread title says dementia is a beatch.....fck dementia !!!!!!!!
 
dabean said:
Dude, honestly, for me? Heroin. I know I’ll love it.

Over sharing 101.
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Lol I love my self Waaaaaaaaaay too much for shyte like that......sadly I have been leaning into the drink lately. Some thing I couldn't do as I needed to be sober 24/7. Actually nice to let loose a bit.

I went to a friends house tonight up the street, put on some classic tunes and played some pool.
 
wizardofid said:
Lol I love my self Waaaaaaaaaay too much for shyte like that......sadly I have been leaning into the drink lately. Some thing I couldn't do as I needed to be sober 24/7. Actually nice to let loose a bit.

I went to a friends house tonight up the street, put on some classic tunes and played some pool.
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It’s awesome living it up, but I understand OP too.

Hard to not put a spin on things, but I’d prefer to clock out on my own terms.
 
wizardofid said:
Yeah I do, sort off. My eldest brother. But I can't burden him with this shyte, girlfriend passed away a couple of weeks back from sepsis from a botched surgery, his wife died a few years ago from cancer.

He was here this weekend, and was barely holding on him self. Which is why I have this thread, just to speak my mind, whoever cares enough to read it.

But yeah end times and all that.

What annoys me she is no longer there, what is keeping her alive, enough with the pain and suffering, you are welcome to go. It is sort of up to her to decide I had enough, she keeps on going like a husk for whatever reason.
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Don't avoid him to save him the trouble though. Being there for each other even if its just a quick coffee to talk a bit of shyte is worth a thousand times the bit of sharing about each of your pain. As long as its not a one sided thing where someone just offloads onto the other constantly sharing shows common ground and that we all have burdens to carry.
 
B-1 said:
Don't avoid him to save him the trouble though. Being there for each other even if its just a quick coffee to talk a bit of shyte is worth a thousand times the bit of sharing about each of your pain. As long as its not a one sided thing where someone just offloads onto the other constantly sharing shows common ground and that we all have burdens to carry.
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He is in jhb so some distance away, but we video chat at least once a day. But yeah had a decent chat this weekend when he came to visit and go see my mom in the rehab.

Funny enough speaking of the rehab my mom tried to escape from rehab the weekend, while she was in the wheel chair lol

typical mom......rather classic mom, harde gat till the end.....:p
 
As with anything involving the human condition, this belongs in PD.

Which results in a bunch of pedants arguing definitions, as always.

We’re all going in blind in my opinion.
 
dabean said:
As with anything involving the human condition, this belongs in PD.

Which results in a bunch of pedants arguing definitions, as always.

We’re all going in blind in my opinion.
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Yeah I block the a$$ clowns......don't need the negativity, nor trolls. If you want to be a piece of shyte human being I have no issue treating you as such...
 
wizardofid said:
He is in jhb so some distance away, but we video chat at least once a day. But yeah had a decent chat this weekend when he came to visit and go see my mom in the rehab.

Funny enough speaking of the rehab my mom tried to escape from rehab the weekend, while she was in the wheel chair lol

typical mom......rather classic mom, harde gat till the end.....:p
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Thats awesome. Great you guys have that. Can just imagine the great escape :) gotta admire tenacity sometimes.
 
wizardofid said:
Yeah I block the a$$ clowns......don't need the negativity, nor trolls. If you want to be a piece of shyte human being I have no issue treating you as such...
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Real vs fake. Pretty easy to tell after a bit.
 
wizardofid said:
He is in jhb so some distance away, but we video chat at least once a day. But yeah had a decent chat this weekend when he came to visit and go see my mom in the rehab.

Funny enough speaking of the rehab my mom tried to escape from rehab the weekend, while she was in the wheel chair lol

typical mom......rather classic mom, harde gat till the end.....:p
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Keep the good memories going, way better than the dark stuff you had to go through.

You are one tough M********fer! :thumbsup:
 
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