Divorce, advice needed.

Getafix said:
Strongs.
My 2 cents.
Both of you sit down and decide on a way how to distribute your assets. Be mature and reasonable . In court you will need a distribution agreement.
The moment you have agreed go to these idivorce guys.
Try not to use a divorce lawyer. My ex and I sorted everything out and the leech of a lawyer still took us for 20000+.
All you need is that distribution agreement and a court date. In court it takes less than two minutes. You don't even need a lawyer there.
All you need is the admin must be properly done.
Strongs.
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The secret to a quick and easy divorce.
 
SkippyRamirez said:
So, I'm getting a divorce soon. Wife doesn't know it yet though. Not going into the reasons or details, no point.

We obviously live together, and the house is in both our names. I pay the bond every month, so for me to move out until the house is sold, is not financially possible. So I assume the period until we sell the house and we can go our separate ways, is going to be rough.

Now, should I go to a lawyer for this, or can I use that site idivorce.co.za or something like that? I read that if the divorce is agreed on by both parties and there are no disputes, then we can download the paperwork from that site, complete it, and then have a lawyer finalise it. Apparently, if done that way, it can be finalised in less than 2 months.

I don't foresee there being any disputes as we don't have children, and we really don't like each other.

Anybody here went a similar route with their divorce? Any advise?
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OK, so who was it?

SkippyRamirez said:
Please, go kill yourself.
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Ok nvm, it was her :o

Sure divorce is the only way out? There are more than 1 way to settle this, why shoot straight for divorce?
 
Pitbull said:
OK, so who was it?



Ok nvm, it was her :o

Sure divorce is the only way out? There are more than 1 way to settle this, why shoot straight for divorce?
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Lol, there's been no cheating on either side, at least not that I know of.

I really don't think it's salvageable. I've thought about it alot, and I honestly don't see another way.
 
SkippyRamirez said:
Please, go kill yourself.
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SkippyRamirez said:
Lol, there's been no cheating on either side, at least not that I know of.

I really don't think it's salvageable. I've thought about it alot, and I honestly don't see another way.
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Was thinking on the premise of infidelity. If that's not the case, I'm sure you have your reasons. Good luck!
 
Ninja'd said:
I think it would be better to just approach the lawyer first.
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Muppet. Obviously the correct approach is to tell an Internet forum and ask for advice. Or is it advise? OP, they are two different words, use them correctly.
 
pinball wizard said:
Muppet. Obviously the correct approach is to tell an Internet forum and ask for advice. Or is it advise? OP, they are two different words, use them correctly.
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Yes, I know I used the incorrect term. I only asked here, because this isn't something I've done before, and some people have. I don't pretend to know everything.
 
Cool, cool. It is something I've done before. Both divorce and use advice/advise incorrectly.
 
TelkomUseless said:
You tell me.

But just a heads up. Be prepared for a fight (people change during divorce, and if the wife decides to go crazy... it can take a while).
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Please, please, please. Both parties try and be reasonable.
The moment any of the parties gets hard arse only the lawyers score.

Allow me to illustrate.
I go to my lawyer = 500
He writes me a letter that he accepts the case. He awaits instructions = 150
Ex does the same = 650
We didn't start yet and the bill = 1300

I go and see my lawyer to instruct = 800
He writes letter to confirm instruction to start proceedings with ex's lawyers = 150
He accepts and read my conformation of instruction = 300
He applies his mind and send letter to ex's lawyer = 500
He accepts ex's lawyer's letter = 150
He informs me about the contents of the letter = 150
Go and see my lawyer to discuss ex's proposals = 1000
He sends me a letter to confirm our discussions = 150
He accepts my conformation and applies his mind = 500
He sends letter to ex's lawyer = 150
He accepts ex's lawyer letter of receiving his letter = 150
He applies his mind and sends me a letter = 500
My bill = 5100
Ex's the same.
Perfect, now the discussions and arguments can start. Repeat all of above for each and every argument, suggestion, amendment and hopefully finally agreement.
Finally preparation for court = 5000
Instructing advocate = 2000
Lawyer and advocate day in court = 8000
Same for ex.

Get the idea.
Get to a mutually agreement without a lawyer. Doesn't matter how many evenings, fluck yous, bitch or bastards are used. Get to a agreement.

Or gives 100's of thousands to lawyers. They are the only ones that win.
 
SkippyRamirez said:
That's going to be difficult. She's not the most mature person. Very quick to get defensive and argumentative, knows best even when completely wrong and so on.
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I think with that statement the risk is high she is going to get hardball during the divorce. From what I have seen, and as mentioned before, most women start getting spiteful and pigheaded during the divorce proceedings. You think its going to be easy and then bang, 180 degrees turn.

Although, I also think in many situations it is the woman's lawyer edging them on to "get the beast deal" for them.
 
Getafix said:
Please, please, please. Both parties try and be reasonable.
The moment any of the parties gets hard arse only the lawyers score.
/snip, too much money
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wow, that does not sound great at all:cry:

Thanks for the heads up.
 
Okty said:
I think with that statement the risk is high she is going to get hardball during the divorce. From what I have seen, and as mentioned before, most women start getting spiteful and pigheaded during the divorce proceedings. You think its going to be easy and then bang, 180 degrees turn.

Although, I also think in many situations it is the woman's lawyer edging them on to "get the beast deal" for them.
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Oh man, I really wish that doesn't happen.
 
Getafix said:
Please, please, please. Both parties try and be reasonable.
The moment any of the parties gets hard arse only the lawyers score.

Allow me to illustrate.
I go to my lawyer = 500
He writes me a letter that he accepts the case. He awaits instructions = 150
Ex does the same = 650
We didn't start yet and the bill = 1300

I go and see my lawyer to instruct = 800
He writes letter to confirm instruction to start proceedings with ex's lawyers = 150
He accepts and read my conformation of instruction = 300
He applies his mind and send letter to ex's lawyer = 500
He accepts ex's lawyer's letter = 150
He informs me about the contents of the letter = 150
Go and see my lawyer to discuss ex's proposals = 1000
He sends me a letter to confirm our discussions = 150
He accepts my conformation and applies his mind = 500
He sends letter to ex's lawyer = 150
He accepts ex's lawyer letter of receiving his letter = 150
He applies his mind and sends me a letter = 500
My bill = 5100
Ex's the same.
Perfect, now the discussions and arguments can start. Repeat all of above for each and every argument, suggestion, amendment and hopefully finally agreement.
Finally preparation for court = 5000
Instructing advocate = 2000
Lawyer and advocate day in court = 8000
Same for ex.

Get the idea.
Get to a mutually agreement without a lawyer. Doesn't matter how many evenings, fluck yous, bitch or bastards are used. Get to a agreement.

Or gives 100's of thousands to lawyers. They are the only ones that win.
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Exactly. My divorce cost me R1700. 00. That includes sherrif's fees.
 
pinball wizard said:
Exactly. My divorce cost me R1700. 00. That includes sherrif's fees.
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Exactly my point.

Mine without any arguments 20,000.00 plus. Suppose the lawyer saw us coming. We both used the same lawyer.
Brother without arguments 1500.00.
Pal with 3 year fluck you's 700,000.00 plus.
 
SkippyRamirez said:
That's going to be difficult. She's not the most mature person. Very quick to get defensive and argumentative, knows best even when completely wrong and so on.
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Sheet dude. I don't want to bad news guy... but prep for a fight. Worst case.. fight.

Women (and men) tend to go postal during divorce. My ex is same as yours (not mature, very defensive etc). And she wanted out.. but yet.. 2 years later thanks to her.

I hope you can make it a quick one.. good luck!


P.s I tried to be reasonable etc with mine. No luck. The more I offered, the more she wanted. After a while I realized I was wasting my time.

As soon as there is a lawyer involved and money (from selling the house).. the sharks come out. Lawyer just throws in "you can get more".. and bam! All hell breaks lose and money down the tube.
 
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Lawyers are expensive. Even the "cheaper" ones are expensive. Also, lawyer'ing up before chatting to your wife is like arming. It could lead to further animosity imo. Your wife is also capable of supporting herself financially, so you could potentially ask her to look for an alternative place already as you are covering the bond. I would maybe speak to her about this once she has digested the divorce.

It's also not fair to keep her hanging on either while you and your lawyer gather info. If you want the divorce to be amicable, you should treat your wife the way you would like to be treated. From your posts, there seems to be a mutual dislike of each other. If that's the case, she has been thinking about leaving you. Time to be open and honest for both your sake. I would start the discussion saying that you are both not happy, lets do something about it.
 
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