Divorce, advice needed.

I did it like you (no kids, amicable, was married out of community of property). We went to a lawyer together, and booked the first court date we could get (three months waiting period). Showed up on the day, signed the papers, done. Paid the lawyer and never looked back.

Works if you fully trust the person not to screw you over.
 
3WA said:
Works if you fully trust the person not to screw you over.
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In my case, we both agreed to proceed with a divorce, on amicable terms. One week later, she changed her mind. Litigation took almost a year.
 
vic777 said:
In my case, we both agreed to proceed with a divorce, on amicable terms. One week later, she changed her mind. Litigation took almost a year.
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damn, you should hit them before they get advice from their lady friends.
 
vic777 said:
In my case, we both agreed to proceed with a divorce, on amicable terms. One week later, she changed her mind. Litigation took almost a year.
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Yeah, I guess i was lucky. Did you suspect beforehand that you couldn't trust her through the process, or did it come as a shock?
 
vic777 said:
In my case, we both agreed to proceed with a divorce, on amicable terms. One week later, she changed her mind. Litigation took almost a year.
Click to expand...

Exactly the same... (I think mommy dearest convinced her to go to lawyer)

I suspected her lawyer told her "you can get more...". And 1.5 years later...
 
Personal experience so use it, don't use it.

I was in almost the same situation. Me and the ex couldn't stand each other. She came to me one Sunday morning and said she wanted a divorce. I said cool, got up and made coffee. We sat down and made a list of everything we had and divided it up between us, printed the list and both signed it. She moved in with her parents and I stayed on in the house with my son.

We went to the court together and did all the paperwork at the courts and across the road at the sheriff's office. We got the court date a month or two later and ten minutes after entering the court I was a free man. Total cost was R180 or something.
 
TelkomUseless said:
Exactly the same... (I think mommy dearest convinced her to go to lawyer)

I suspected her lawyer told her "you can get more...". And 1.5 years later...
Click to expand...

Her mom convinced her that I am satan's brother and she needs to screw me. Her laywer tried his best to convince her to just settle and get on with her life. She fired that laywer, got a female lawyer who must think all men are scum, and the rest is history
 
3WA said:
Yeah, I guess i was lucky. Did you suspect beforehand that you couldn't trust her through the process, or did it come as a shock?
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Came as a complete shock. We both agreed to get a divorce.
 
vic777 said:
Her mom convinced her that I am satan's brother and she needs to screw me. Her laywer tried his best to convince her to just settle and get on with her life. She fired that laywer, got a female lawyer who must think all men are scum, and the rest is history
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I see you met my soon to be ex wife!

It's amazing how similar your story is to mine. She also fired the first lawyer (was a lady I think).. but the 2nd one is a shark. You can see she is out for money (easy money).

Ps. My mother-in-law is one of the sour ladies (husband cheated on her, but "forgave" him). And didn't like me from day 1.. lol
 
Crowley said:
Personal experience so use it, don't use it.

I was in almost the same situation. Me and the ex couldn't stand each other. She came to me one Sunday morning and said she wanted a divorce. I said cool, got up and made coffee. We sat down and made a list of everything we had and divided it up between us, printed the list and both signed it. She moved in with her parents and I stayed on in the house with my son.

We went to the court together and did all the paperwork at the courts and across the road at the sheriff's office. We got the court date a month or two later and ten minutes after entering the court I was a free man. Total cost was R180 or something.
Click to expand...

All while I played WoW and tried to ignore you 2 :p

One of the big reasons for your divorce is why it was so easy. Sounds like OP doesn't have the same type of situation
 
TelkomUseless said:
I see you met my soon to be ex wife!

It's amazing how similar your story is to mine. She also fired the first lawyer (was a lady I think).. but the 2nd one is a shark. You can see she is out for money (easy money).

Ps. My mother-in-law is one of the sour ladies (husband cheated on her, but "forgave" him). And didn't like me from day 1.. lol
Click to expand...

Haha, its very similar. But you know what they say - divorce is so expensive because it is worth it!
 
If your wife doesn't know you leaving her last thing you want is a lawyer telling her that.

Do it out of the lawyers offices if possible. They're going to suck you dry if the wife isn't planning on doing so already.
 
This is something I don't ever want to go through.

I wish you both all the best.
 
Not something I would ever like to go through. So I dont have personal experience here, but the advice I do have is to echo some others that have pointed out:
She seems like the type to turn ugly. If she gets defensive and argumentative on a whim, she is probably quite likely to go that route during a divorce. What you do with that analysis/info is completely up to you though.

Most people have pointed out how extraordinarily expensive a set of divorce lawyers could be, so go that route at your own peril. But then again, don't get a lawyer and deal with a vindictive and angry woman during a divorce at your own peril too.

Rock and a hard place my friend, I do not envy you one bit. Hope you make the right choices.
 
Just thought of something. More a relationship advice that might help in the long run here. If you want to avoid lawyers, this is just about the only avenue you might have. First, you need to do your research and ensure that you know the whole (lawyerless) divorce process from beginning to end. Who you have to see, what you have to fill out, how much you have to pay, how long you have to wait between each step etc.... Then onto the hard part.

Communicating with her seems to be unpleasant, but I can't imagine that it is all from her side. You have to be doing something that gets her heckles up, I am even sure you know what it is (tone, wording, attitude, etc...), but just dont care to turn it off because you dislike each other. WELL, turn it off right now. Not to try to save your marriage, but to have a chance at speaking openly about this with her.

You need to have as calm a conversation with her as possible, and then ask her if she is unhappy. Put her feelings before your own for just a minute and get her buy in. Slip in the word divorce if it feels right and try to calm her as much as possible. Do the opposite of what you normally do when she blows up. Talk her down and put the focus on your mutual happiness.
Use whatever conversation points you might have.

The reason I would say that this might be an option is because blindsiding her with a pre-organised lawyers letter, can be interpreted as "going behind her back", as twisted as that logic might sound. A woman like this is 100% guaranteed to get vindictive if you hit her with a Lawyers letter or divorce papers straight of the bat.
But if you make it a conversation, and simply show that you have done your research on how best to do this to make it as quick and painless as possible, while tapping into whatever good feelings you two must have shared to get married in the first place, then you might have a chance at keeping her amicable. Print off whatever research you can. Give her the same information that you have, so that she can assess it herself. If you dont do that, she may take the short cut and go to a lawyer for advice. Then the lawyer traps her in and tries to screw you.

Tread carefully if she has crazy friends or a crazy mother. Either of those will chuck a spanner in the works.
 
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Quite a lucrative profession this, being a divorce lawyer. This is the advice needed at career days.
 
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