Divorce Issues

[DJ...]

Section 37C of the Pension Funds Act AFAIK. If married in COP, she will be entitled to half the pension immediately i.e. the pension fund must liquidate half his pension and pay her on the date of the divorce. His remaining half is still subject to the normal rules and he won't be able to draw any out until retirement age.

Had a chat with someone in the know ad and they said the same thing to me. I was curious about the mechanisms involved re: tax. but makes sense now. Thanks...

 

[CamiKaze]

Prenup is the way to go.

 

[SauRoNZA]

Sounds to me like your mother might have some or other mental illness and and a divorce certainly won't help.

Get her to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist.

 

[Xena1]

Any divorce attorney worth his salt would have that nailed in a heartbeat. It's in the attorney's best interests to do so. If the funds have been sitting in an account that is trackable locally in any way, there's no way that he can get away with this sort of thing. The money would have had to have been "hidden" in the first place.

I'm not 100% sure about this, but I'm not sure the pension is necessarily split upon divorce...

Pension money is also split half half. In this case, his mom will get her half when his dad retires (not immediately).

 

[Xena1]

My dad really deserves some kind of medal, no jokes, I mean when you are kid you don't see these things, but when you get older and you mature etc. you start to see things for what they really are, and I have much respect for my dad to be able to cope his life through that. If it were me I would have been long gone, but I think the only reason he has only bothered to not leave is because he doesn't wanna part with half of what he has.

I mean my mom is not always a bad person, she is actually a really good person to, but it's that the smallest of things that trigger her, and I mean she really blows things out of proportion to very bad extents, and I am not even exaggerating . It can lead to her being in a sulking mood for a week all because we maybe said "a bit too much salt in the rice" or some really other silly stuff.

As nasty as this may be of me, I will tell her that if she goes through with a divorce I will threaten her with me "disowning" her and never wanting to have contact with her again, or she must get some kind of psychiatric help because I genuinely feel there is something wrong, this is not normal human behavior, all couples fight I understand that, and many times it's with reason, or it's over something small but the sulking or whatever doesn't last for days on end.

I mean I was diagnosed with a mood disorder about 2 years back, and ever since that day it made more sense to me why my mother probably behaves the way she does, and if mood disorders or genetic which I am sure they are, then I am pretty convinced she has a problem, but it is her stubbornness that gets the best of her that refuses to go for help and that she thinks she is fine, that is why I will unfortunately have to threaten her, either she loses her family and stays the way she is or she seeks help and keeps the family.

I'm 24 now and not dependent on my parents anymore, it's just that being in a different country now and knowing my dad might grow old alone and may lead a future sad life without me really being able to ever really be there, really hurts me alot.

I just don't think that threatening her is going to work. If she is so easy to set off, she will react negatively and she won't cooperate. You can see your dad's side of this more clearly, and when your mom perceives that you are more on your dad's side she will feel that you are not acting in her best interests, and that you are choosing sides, which will make her more stubborn. It is really difficult for you to do anything as you aren't here. Do you have brothers or sisters? If you do then maybe they can go see someone like a psychologist to see what can be done. Someone with mood disorders obviously can't think for themselves, but I am not sure if someone can be forced into therapy. Like someone else said, maybe if the disorder can be dealt with and she can get medicine she will be a different person. Also, who wants to file for divorce mom or dad? If your dad, then maybe you can ask him to just wait before he acts so that you guys can gather info on your options.

 

[Xena1]

Section 37C of the Pension Funds Act AFAIK. If married in COP, she will be entitled to half the pension immediately i.e. the pension fund must liquidate half his pension and pay her on the date of the divorce. His remaining half is still subject to the normal rules and he won't be able to draw any out until retirement age.

I didn't know that. Does it work that way for someone that works for the Government as well?

 

[Bona Botse]

Prenup is the way to go.

Captain Hindsight lives.

 

[CamiKaze]

Captain Hindsight lives.

I'm prolly getting married next year and thinking of getting a prenup.

I just thought that I'd mention that if any other people that are about to get married come across this thread.

 

[Freaksta]

I didn't know that. Does it work that way for someone that works for the Government as well?

Unless you have an ante nuptial contract that is withou accrual or specifically excludes it then yes..

 

[Rocket-Boy]

They dont need to divorce, just separate. Heck they can even live in the same house and completely ignore each other.
I have seen a friends parents do that

 

[IzZzy]

I didn't know that. Does it work that way for someone that works for the Government as well?

Will work that way for all pension funds subject to the Pension Funds Act. Government employees are with the GEPF - and AFAIK GEPF )even though it has its own enabling Act) will also be subject to the Pension Funds Act, so yes..

 

[XennoX]

I mean my mom is not always a bad person, she is actually a really good person to, but it's that the smallest of things that trigger her, and I mean she really blows things out of proportion to very bad extents, and I am not even exaggerating . It can lead to her being in a sulking mood for a week all because we maybe said "a bit too much salt in the rice" or some really other silly stuff.

As nasty as this may be of me, I will tell her that if she goes through with a divorce I will threaten her with me "disowning" her and never wanting to have contact with her again, or she must get some kind of psychiatric help because I genuinely feel there is something wrong, this is not normal human behavior, all couples fight I understand that, and many times it's with reason, or it's over something small but the sulking or whatever doesn't last for days on end.

Are you sure we're not siblings? It sounds like the exact sort of behaviour my mom has. When her fuse is lit it becomes pure hell.

 

[Rkootknir]

Will work that way for all pension funds subject to the Pension Funds Act. Government employees are with the GEPF - and AFAIK GEPF )even though it has its own enabling Act) will also be subject to the Pension Funds Act, so yes..

The GEPF is specifically excluded from the Pension Funds Act (PFA) - it has it's own act: the Government Employees Pension Law. However, the GEPF is in the process of starting to offer divorce benefits to non-member spouses in a manner similar to funds registered under the PFA (i.e. at date of divorce instead of the non-member spouse only receiving their share when the member retires \ withdraws from the fund - the "clean break" principle).

 

[STS]

you know what Saltex, perhaps your father should give up half his fortune and half his pension and half his house, for peace of mind for the rest of his life while he still has it. your mom sounds like my mom and while you love them and they aren't bad people, they make life a complete misery for those around them and are ticking time bombs.

support your dad, tell him to kick her to the curb and help her pack her bags. tell him to tell her that it's basically a pay cheque to piss off and never come back.

i am divorced too, although my partner never made my life a misery and we're still living together to this day, but i would never move back into a place with my mother in a million years

 

[Electric]

My dad went through this as well.
Crazy step mom took him for half of everything he was worth.
Poor guy was a multi millionaire until his divorce.

 

[maumau]

They dont need to divorce, just separate. Heck they can even live in the same house and completely ignore each other.
I have seen a friends parents do that

I also know people who have done this. they built a second house on the property and live separate lives - no divorce proceedings, no money problems. it's not a bad way to play things because the children move happily between the two places.

 

[Cius]

Divorce is a very messy, expensive, and final solution. I would try other avenue's first. First the family should see if an intervention to get her help is not possible. Often these mood disorders are not the fault of the individual but just a chemical imbalance in the body somewhere. Modern medicine can do amazing things there.

Also be careful of jumping to conclusions about your mom. Its easy to judge after hearing one side of the story but there may be other things at play. The small thing she snaps at might be the straw that breaks the camels back and there may be many other things in the background that your dad does that no one but her is aware of. People that have lived together that long know exactly what buttons to push to make the other party flip out and sometimes they are not doing it all that consciously themselves but its rather part of a deeper subconscious rivalry or fight. Hence I would start with couple counseling as the way forward and if that does not work check for some other avenues. Divorce is not a solution often, its just the start of the next set of problems.

 

[MandM]

You say you are 24, so let's say your mom is 44, realistically she could be even older. Maybe your mom's hormone levels should be tested, this can lead to mood swings etc and can be easily treated. It helped a couple of ladies I know...

 

[*Medusa*]

You shouldn't just side with your dad so easily. You probably don't know the entire truth about their relationship. Its so easy for a man to say that he is the breadwinner, but don't under estimate the role a woman has in her family.

Who cooked your dinners every night? Cleaned the house? Who did you run to when you got hurt?

Did you dad pay your mom for any of the "chores" she did around the house?

 

[Electric]

You shouldn't just side with your dad so easily. You probably don't know the entire truth about their relationship. Its so easy for a man to say that he is the breadwinner, but don't under estimate the role a woman has in her family.

Who cooked your dinners every night? Cleaned the house? Who did you run to when you got hurt?

Did you dad pay your mom for any of the "chores" she did around the house?

yawn