Divorce just turned VERY ugly

STS

STS

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Catch up:

Many of you know about my divorce and that I'm still going through it. I agreed to go through with it because she said that I could be the primary guardian(because he is very attached to me) and that is all I wanted, was to know that my son was safe and that he could visit his grandparents that worship him more often.

So I haven't even told my family that we're gettign divorce yet. I've hid it from them so that she could come and visit them one last time and say goodbye before we went ahead, because she wouldn't be very popular with them after this.

NOW:

Since that we've gotten back, her and her mom have been whispering a lot and "going for walks" which I already knew is trouble because this is how she acted when she was chasing other guys. I put a keylogger on the computer to get her password and read her messages.

She is now secretly planning to get legal aid behind my back and is telling everyone she dicusses this with that I am a "sociopath" that is dangerous to be around her son. Some of you are also familiar with my history, however it was all consentual and I have posts and messages to prove it.

My question, how much weight do emails and messages have when using the law? I have messages of her confessing to having an affair, I have messages of her admitting to taking drugs, I have messages about her insane beliefs too which I don't want my son exposed to 24/7.

I am stressed, because i know that normally fathers dont' get custody, but i am the only one who gets up with him at night when she sleeps, i bath him every night, when she is struggling with him, she calls me, he looks for me all the time aroudn the house, i go out with him on weekends just him and me while his mother hunts cock on the internet. he runs past her at the creche to jump into my arms, when he hurts himself he yells for daddy, not mommy.

I don't want to stop her from seeing him, but i don't want him living with her family, where they tease him and act like he is a 18 year old. What can i do here that will help me? I'm desperate. I'm going to a lawyer today
 
I was so angry last night, the angriest I've ever been in my whole life, I lay in bed for ages and when she climbed into bed next to me I wanted to spin around and hit her. This is the 4th time now she's lied to me and betrayed me about something, and if the situatio nwas different I wouldn't have minded her getting custody, but she doesn't care about her son if she can see how close we are and she wants to take him away from me, she doesn't care how much it's going to kill my parents and grandmother to not hear from their grandson everyday
 
If you hit her you will loose all your rights and your son too. Keep your cool and get legal help ASAP.
 
It's unlikely you can use information obtained that questionably against her. I'd say getting a lawyer involved and settling legally is the best move, you do seem to have enough armour for custody (the fact that you basically take care of and look after him should be enough reason). I saw blu say somewhere that there is no such thing as sole custody in SA? I think it was blu.
 
And can't she move to a separate room or you the couch? Sleeping with someone you feel so betrayed with is very unhealthy.
 
marco79 said:
If you hit her you will loose all your rights and your son too. Keep your cool and get legal help ASAP.
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I would never hit her, but I have to pretend everything is fine now while i know that she is lying to me and secretly planning to just say oneday "hey, we're leaving" and taking my son without any warning. even though we were gettign divorced she wanted it to be friendly and civilised, and now she goes and does this
 
R13... said:
It's unlikely you can use information obtained that questionably against her. I'd say getting a lawyer involved and settling legally is the best move, you do seem to have enough armour for custody (the fact that you basically take care of and look after him should be enough reason). I saw blu say somewhere that there is no such thing as sole custody in SA? I think it was blu.
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i know, i just want him to be okay. it is unhealthy but i wake up at night to look after him, and she won't move to the couch because she likes the bed. i don't want sole custody, but i would like to know that he gets to stay with me sometimes
 
My ex did exactly the same with regards to wanting to go behind my back but I had it in writing where she agreed that he must stay by me. If you have that then I think it is a good time to go see a lawyer.
 
Crowley said:
My ex did exactly the same with regards to wanting to go behind my back but I had it in writing where she agreed that he must stay by me. If you have that then I think it is a good time to go see a lawyer.
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I don't have that, i was stupid, i only have it in emails where she said she thinks it was better, which is why i wanted to know if they have any merit or weight
 
This is why I got a lawyer on the first day my wife left me. They say all these things at the start but then they get advice from their friends and relatives and it always ends up with lawyers.
 
Aren't you the "satanism is a worthwhile philosophy" sex addict who wanted to make porn movies? <-- if i got the wrong guy i apologize.

I dunno dude, get a good lawyer so your side is properly defended, but from what i have read i have serious doubts about your ability to raise the child properly.
 
Dude All I can say is get a Lawyer that is "Street Smart". You will need to Play Fire with Fire.
You will be going through many months of fighting which is going to take a toll on you.
Just Be strong for Your Kid and Yourself.
 
Zyzzyva said:
Aren't you the "satanism is a worthwhile philosophy" sex addict who wanted to make porn movies? <-- if i got the wrong guy i apologize.

I dunno dude, get a good lawyer so your side is properly defended, but from what i have read i have serious doubts about your ability to raise the child properly.
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that is nice, i've read some of your comments on current affairs and you wouldn't be my first choice of a parent either, but luckily one thing i do excel at is being a dad. i'm not going to convert my son to satanism or put him in pornos if that is your biggest concern
 
web said:
This is why I got a lawyer on the first day my wife left me. They say all these things at the start but then they get advice from their friends and relatives and it always ends up with lawyers.
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i know, i should have been smarter, i always think thinsg would be different, that i'd have real genuine love, that it is possible to be civil, that i could sort myself out, etc
 
The laws regarding child support and custody were changed a while ago. Previously is was nearly impossible for fathers to get custody and were screwed over by the legal system, but this have changed. The law now give parents 50/50 custody and is much more accommodating to fathers.

Make sure that you get a lawyer that specialise in child custody and maintenance.

Good luck!
 
Zyzzyva said:
Aren't you the "satanism is a worthwhile philosophy" sex addict who wanted to make porn movies? <-- if i got the wrong guy i apologize.

I dunno dude, get a good lawyer so your side is properly defended, but from what i have read i have serious doubts about your ability to raise the child properly.
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He's that guy, but OP gets my vote as a good parent, no doubt about that.
 
I forgot to add that I doubt whether e-mails will stand up in court as it is normally based on "hear-say" as the court normally deems that anyone could have typed and send it. Your best bet would be to get photographs and/or Affidavits.
 
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