Divorced and Coparenting

The_Ogre

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Apr 30, 2010
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So the wife and I have sat down and decided things aren't working out.

We both want the best for our (underaged) kids and have decided - at least for the time being - that we will cohabit and co-parent purely for their sake, but also because it will be easier on the kids since they won't have to travel from parent to parent every weekend or school holiday. And it eliminates the need for a fight for custody; and since we're married COP, even though we've agreed on who will take what, it pushes forward and postpones the date for the division of assets.

We love each other, it's just we've outgrown each other and we've both agreed that things are not working out. She's got nobody, I know this for a fact.

Here's the thing. I've recently started talking to my ex and she wants us to give it another go. Yes, I've confided in her that I'm in the process of getting divorced. The problem for me is I'd have to move provinces since she does not want to be too far from her sickly mother. This is a bit of an issue since I would see my kids much less should I eventually move out and join the ex.

But I digress, as that is not an immediate problem.

My question is this: Are any of you co-parenting from the same household - even if it's from different rooms? She's the one who moved out of our matrimonial bedroom to a spare bedroom.
 

Tjoker

Expert Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2009
Messages
1,529
So the wife and I have sat down and decided things aren't working out.

We both want the best for our (underaged) kids and have decided - at least for the time being - that we will cohabit and co-parent purely for their sake, but also because it will be easier on the kids since they won't have to travel from parent to parent every weekend or school holiday. And it eliminates the need for a fight for custody; and since we're married COP, even though we've agreed on who will take what, it pushes forward and postpones the date for the division of assets.

We love each other, it's just we've outgrown each other and we've both agreed that things are not working out. She's got nobody, I know this for a fact.

Here's the thing. I've recently started talking to my ex and she wants us to give it another go. Yes, I've confided in her that I'm in the process of getting divorced. The problem for me is I'd have to move provinces since she does not want to be too far from her sickly mother. This is a bit of an issue since I would see my kids much less should I eventually move out and join the ex.

But I digress, as that is not an immediate problem.

My question is this: Are any of you co-parenting from the same household - even if it's from different rooms? She's the one who moved out of our matrimonial bedroom to a spare bedroom.
My advice is that you do not start the thing with your ex(or anyone) until you are legally divorced and living in separate houses. I can tell you know, your wife will change her tune as soon as there is someone else...it will get UGLY for you, and the kids. She will use this against you when you actually get divorced.

Bite the bullet(emotional, financial, and physical) and get separated ASAP. Using the kids as an excuse to "stay" together is just going to make it messier. Do not waste your time here, especially now that you both agreed it's not working.

Regarding the kids, I get what you trying to do, but your current circumstances will create more damage down the line cause of the example you will be setting.

I was in a similar boat 3 years ago. When we decided it's not going to work, we said to each other, going forward, it about our daughter, not my ego, not your ego, all about her. Post-divorce relationships with kids are possible, but it requires a massive amount of communication to make it work.
 

The_Ogre

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Joined
Apr 30, 2010
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24,910
Dump all of them and find a new younger woman. It makes you look bad if you go back to an ex - like eating something that's already been vomited out.
Nah, I don't give a schit about the picture that it is going to paint. I broke up with the ex because of the very reason that I found work in another province. For no other reason.
 

Fulcrum29

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Joined
Jun 25, 2010
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40,848
Why do you want to know?

My question is this: Are any of you co-parenting from the same household - even if it's from different rooms? She's the one who moved out of our matrimonial bedroom to a spare bedroom.

I mean do you want a co-parenting plan?
 

SauRoNZA

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
39,577
In my opinion if you can’t stay married to them, odds are you can’t live with them either.

Half the problems would relate to sharing the same space for extended periods.

Unless you live on some property with two separate buildings or something I just don’t see how it will make any difference.

May as well just stay married then.
 

RedViking

Nord of the South
Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
36,674
Will she allow the kids to be with you alone when you are drunk. At least while she was there she could keep an eye.
 

R13...

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Aug 4, 2008
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Nah, I don't give a schit about the picture that it is going to paint. I broke up with the ex because of the very reason that I found work in another province. For no other reason.
Flywheel is yanking your chain. I think the advice about not going to your ex or anyone while still legally married is good advice.
 

Fulcrum29

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Joined
Jun 25, 2010
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40,848
Yes. I'm asking because I want to know if this kind of setup, or any variation thereof, has actually worked for anybody on here.

You and the ex are on good terms right? You don't need lawyers?

There is a better option, go to the court where you and the ex may engage in mediation. A parenting plan will be drawn up and ordered by the court. It is the most cost-effective and equitable route to pursue without the means of possibly damaging the relationship.

Do note, a parenting plan and a maintenance plan are separate court orders. The parenting plan is ruled by the family court where the maintenance plan is ruled by the maintenance court, both of which are accessible at your local Magistrate's Court.
 
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