Divorced and Coparenting

[pinball wizard]

We love each other, it's just we've outgrown each other and we've both agreed that things are not working out.

Here's the thing. I've recently started talking to my ex and she wants us to give it another go.

You're a *expletive*.

Stop lying is a good start, otherwise all the co what-what is bullshit and you're teaching your kids a very very bad thing.

 

[bwana]

Here's the thing. I've recently started talking to my ex and she wants us to give it another go. Yes, I've confided in her that I'm in the process of getting divorced. The problem for me is I'd have to move provinces since she does not want to be too far from her sickly mother. This is a bit of an issue since I would see my kids much less should I eventually move out and join the ex.

There's a 100% chance your wife is reading this and everything else you've posted.

 

[ShaunSA]

There's a 100% chance your wife is reading this and everything else you've posted.

I think he knew that already

 

[RedViking]

Welcome back @The_Ogre.

 

[Pho3nix]

Welcome back @The_Ogre.

Was wondering when the switch happened. This Donkey?

 

[R13...]

What?! This is Donkey. Why'd you doxx yourself?

Sad tale dude, guess this explains why you'd become so intolerant and short tempered just before you disappeared.

 

[RedViking]

Was wondering when the switch happened. This Donkey?

Yap

 

[syntax]

I went through a divorce a few years ago. Some lessons learnt from my side which may or may not be applicable to you.
Context, we were together 10 years, married around 3 and a bit.
Exceptionally good relationship and very amicable in terms of divorce, and even then, we had some moments.

I would absolutely not co-habitat. It is confusing for you guys, for the children and will make moving forward harder. My daughter was around 3 when we split, and we did a 2-2-3 day split. Which means we each got every second weekend with her. Once she starting going to proper school, we did 1 week on 1 week off.

Something I noticed for myself and other guys is that initially the divorce does not impact us that much. For the first few months we tend to feel free most of the time (there are still those hard, depressing times as well) and we try live our life. Woman I found struggled for the first few months and then got better.
The actual divorce and everything it entailed started to crush me around the 9 month to 1 year mark and stayed with me for about another year.

This means that for a new relationship, you are making it very very difficult for that to work. You will likely have an awesome "honeymoon" phase and then realize that all relationships can be hard. You will compare your new relationship to your ex wife, you will start to have regret, resentment, anger, depression and it will really take a toll on you and your new partner. Because it is an old ex, you might also be tempted to progress that relationship faster than you normally would, which means she will start attaching strong feelings sooner and when the divorce hits, it will really hurt her. This is all my opinion and based on experience and what I have seen, but it seems to be pretty likely and I would strongly advise to not jumping into anything and rather focus on figuring out the divorce, what went wrong, how to improve yourself, prioritize your kid and give everyone time to heal.

You will not get proper time if you co-habitat and it will just drag things out, ruin the amicable relationship and confuse the kids.

 

[HunterNW]

Dump all of them and find a new younger woman. It makes you look bad if you go back to an ex - like eating something that's already been vomited out.

Yip. Like pushing a turd back up your bum.

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

What?! This is Donkey. Why'd you doxx yourself?

Sad tale dude, guess this explains why you'd become so intolerant and short tempered just before you disappeared.

I didn't really disappear. I just started posting less and focusing more on work. Then my mother had a stroke and was in ICU. She passed away last Sunday morning so I was in PE on Fam Resp leave and then worked from there. I only got back to CT this morning.

 

[RedViking]

Then my mother had a stroke and was in ICU. She passed away last Sunday morning

Ag no man!!!

Sorry to hear bro.

 

[I.am.Sam]

blame the alcohol

who would want to live in a house with a drunk and have your kids exposed to such filth

one that drinks and smokes all day

cant do anything for himself ...pisses in the garden

sad life

its good his wife is leaving him

 

[Pho3nix]

I didn't really disappear. I just started posting less and focusing more on work. Then my mother had a stroke and was in ICU. She passed away last Sunday morning so I was in PE on Fam Resp leave and then worked from there. I only got back to CT this morning.

Condolences man

 

[EMAM]

It's not going to work in the long term.
My ex and I did it for 8 years until the shyte hit the fan, and now, if I ever see him again, I think I'll stab him.
My kids were more or less the same age as yours are now when he came out to me in 2012. I accepted it, they accepted it, I saw other men, he saw other men and it was working just fine, but just over a year ago it all went downhill.... A lot of it had to do with alcohol, and I know you have the same problem (don't take it the wrong way, you already know my thoughts on this matter), and then my "love" for him became hate which then became rage towards him.... Here was someone I was living with in complete harmony and then everything went tits up. Never ever in my life did I ever think I would say that I hate the man... but I do.
I think you should part ways while you're still on good terms, for your sake, your wife's sake, and especially your girls sake.

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

Ag no man!!!

Sorry to hear bro.

Condolences man

Thanks, boys.

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

It's not going to work in the long term.
My ex and I did it for 8 years until the shyte hit the fan, and now, if I ever see him again, I think I'll stab him.
My kids were more or less the same age as yours are now when he came out to me in 2012. I accepted it, they accepted it, I saw other men, he saw other men and it was working just fine, but just over a year ago it all went downhill.... A lot of it had to do with alcohol, and I know you have the same problem (don't take it the wrong way, you already know my thoughts on this matter), and then my "love" for him became hate which then became rage towards him.... Here was someone I was living with in complete harmony and then everything went tits up. Never ever in my life did I ever think I would say that I hate the man... but I do.
I think you should part ways while you're still on good terms, for your sake, your wife's sake, and especially your girls sake.

Surprisingly the girls are quite blase to the whole situation, apart from the younger one asking me how many girlfriends I have.

They're currently making me mac and cheese, which in grown up language means they're busy ****ing up the entire kitchen. They claim they want to spoil me because they haven't seen me in 2 weeks

 

[WaxLyrical]

Nah, I don't give a schit about the picture that it is going to paint. I broke up with the ex because of the very reason that I found work in another province. For no other reason.

And now you still have geographical issues but still want to go back?

Did wife find out you still tied to the ex so she wants out?

Ex must be a smokin'

 

[RedViking]

There is just so much wrong with this situation. I have a feeling the wife is the last one to blame.
Wish she was on here to give her side of the story. Would be gold.


Fiona, if you on the forum. Please come bring some perspective.

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

And now you still have geographical issues but still want to go back?

Did wife find out you still tied to the ex so she wants out?

Ex must be a smokin'

I started talking to the ex only after myself and the wife agreed to split.

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

There is just so much wrong with this situation. I have a feeling the wife is the last one to blame.
Wish she was on here to give her side of the story. Would be gold.


Fiona, if you on the forum. Please come bring some perspective.

She's on here, but hasn't logged in in months...