Emigration to the USA

VikashLurker

VikashLurker

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Raleigh, North Carolina
Chaps, I'm a lurker on the forum for many years but I've only just registered as I require advice.

I have thought about emigrating due to various issues (that I really would not like to go into, as it’s not the point of this post). I have a 6 & 8 year old and the main push is securing their future. Discussions with the wife had her full support. Unfortunately we both have no formal qualifications. I have matric with programming diploma and similar with the Mrs. So options to emigrate are really 0. The company that I work for have just recently set roots in the US. North Carolina to be specific. When the opportunity presented itself I put up my hand to go. Now that ball is rolling it is moving way quicker than I could expect. They want me across in a few months. (provided all the paperwork is done and visa accepted.) I was really expecting the process to take at least 2 years. Which would give us time to plan and prepare etc. But if I don’t jump at it now, I fear that I will lose this opportunity.

Okay so that is basically the history, I am still getting to my actual questions.

Now that has become a reality, the jitters are setting in. Cold feet if you like. More so from the Mrs than me. I know that this is right thing to do. I know that I will adjust and so will the kids. They at the right age I think. Any older and it would be a mission.

I need advice on how best to handle the SO. I do not want to force her into this, as the last thing I need is to move and realise that we can’t cut it there and come back. We have serious ties here. Deep rooted with a close knit family on both our sides. If we have to uproot, it will be devastating to them. In all our discussions, SO logically agrees that is the right thing to do. But I can see the hesitation in her eyes. We are extremely comfortable here. We’ve both worked our asses off to afford a comfortable home in a closed off estate, good schools for the kids. We have the luxury to eat out as often as we like etc. etc. All the things that we as South Africans are used to. Now I know that we have to give that up when we move across. I am prepared to rough it out. TBH. I come from a very poor background with a single mom, so I’m no stranger to tough times. The Mrs. (Un)fortunately? has not. So I worry about her ability to adjust.

This move will be VERY one sided as it really easy for me, not so much her. I will move doing the same job that I am used to, so I will hit the ground running. I still have offices back here in SA, so in the unfortunate event of a family emergency, I can easily come back and work from here for a few weeks if I have to. She really has to give up everything, give up the house of her dreams, a VERY good job, to go across with no work options etc. Deep down I know that she wants the best for the future of the kids, but she has major cold feet now.

I would really like a bit of advice from those who have been in a similar situation. How best to overcome this? Maybe even if somebody has move to the US, they could offer a bit of first hand advice? You can PM if you like.

Sorry for the wall of text. I just have so many questions. :confused:
 
If you are not both excited for it, I would recommend against it. It will put a lot of strain on your relationship.

And have you actually been to North Carolina? It's not normally a place people choose to live...
 
JStrike said:
If you are not both excited for it, I would recommend against it. It will put a lot of strain on your relationship.

And have you actually been to North Carolina? It's not normally a place people choose to live...
Click to expand...

Never been to the States before. I have a trip planned for a month in March. They want us to come across and experience the place for ourselves. Raleigh NC, looks amazing from the pics that I've seen.
 
VikashLurker said:
Never been to the States before. I have a trip planned for a month in March. They want us to come across and experience the place for ourselves. Raleigh NC, looks amazing from the pics that I've seen.
Click to expand...

If you haven't been there at all I would not commit to moving there. the US is a completely different lifestyle and if you have it as comfortable as you describe it here i would definitely consider more research if I was you. Moving overseas is not a joke as there are many many other factors to be aware of, its more than just a little lifestyle change.

Depending on the area the people can also be something extreme to get used to, we visited my uncle in New Jersey and I wanted to move there initially. After a week I couldn't wait to get away and I definitely know I would not live in the United States unless I am absolutely forced to.

Just think about this very carefully, its not something you do unless you are completely confident, and it sounds like your SO is not even nearly ready to drop everything here.
 
I think it is a move with almost no downside. It will practically cost you nothing, and if you don't like it you can come back with very little trouble. Think of it as an experience/adventure and convince your wife to think in the same way. Also set a time scale like say you want to go for 2 years and if you don't like it you will come back. Because the start will be rough.

The biggest problem is to get your wife on board. Without you both supporting each other and trying to make it work, you will be better off staying.

But there is very little downside to experiencing another country for a couple of years.
 
VikashLurker said:
Never been to the States before. I have a trip planned for a month in March. They want us to come across and experience the place for ourselves. Raleigh NC, looks amazing from the pics that I've seen.
Click to expand...

You really should not emigrate to a place you have never spent some time in.
I haven't spent much time in North Carolina, but it is certainly not my cup of tea. Maybe it is yours, but I would find out before emigrating.
And you wife certainly needs to be as excited as you. Especially if she is close to her family
 
Discussions with HR on that side paints a perfect picture. Off course they will I guess as they are pushing to get me over. But my research does kind of support what she has said. The town we will be moving to is a small town with great spaces, parks and lakes for the kids. It is a bit of a melting pot with people from all over the world. Allot of immigrants from India and the likes due to a few big international companies based there. Of course the people and the culture would be the biggest affect on us.

So there are allot of pros and cons that go with this.

Pros -
Company sponsored Visa
The place looks amazing. Good weather. Good amenities and schools for the kids.
2 hour drive to beach. Which is something that I always thought I would have to give up if I left SA.

Cons -
Unsure of people and culture. Until I go there.
Leaving behind a really good lifestyle for the unknown.
Undecided SO with no employment pre-arranged.
 
Also keep in mind - if you were hoping your wife would gain employment once you are there, the chances are virtually nil without a highly sought after degree.
 
P924 said:
I think it is a move with almost no downside. It will practically cost you nothing, and if you don't like it you can come back with very little trouble. Think of it as an experience/adventure and convince your wife to think in the same way. Also set a time scale like say you want to go for 2 years and if you don't like it you will come back. Because the start will be rough.

The biggest problem is to get your wife on board. Without you both supporting each other and trying to make it work, you will be better off staying.

But there is very little downside to experiencing another country for a couple of years.
Click to expand...

Missed this post before I responded to the one above.

That's kind of the way I am seeing it right now. Its an opportunity that has been handed to be on a silver platter. I don't want to look back in 5 years from now and say we should have. By then it would be too late.
Just to clear things up, my SO has been the one who kept nagging me that we need to keep our options open, we need to look at going. Its just that now that this has become a reality, she is getting cold feet.

So ideally, I am looking for advice on how to handle this. It could just be normal jitters that everyone feels because this is a life changing decision. Even I have second thoughts every now and then because life right now is Good. Really good. However, I don't know what the future holds for my kids.
 
Go over and work there for a while, then get the SO and kids to join.
A friend of mine works for Cisco and did this - he went over sorted the house, cars etc. had the wife and kids visit on holiday (Christmas) then had them go over once everything was settled.

Keep in mind, you can always have someone (like a family member) rent your place etc etc. keeping your options open.
You don't have to emigrate to work there do you?
 
Raleigh, NC looks like a nice little town.
I would definitely go.

Raleigh frequently receives national recognition for its quality of life and business climate. Some recent national rankings include:

  • America's Best Places to Live: #1 (Businessweek.com, June 2011)
  • Best Place for Business and Careers: #3 (Forbes.com, June 2012)
  • Top 10 Best Cities for Educated Workers: #5 (Raleigh-Cary, NC)(247WallSt.com, September 2011)
  • Most Cost-Attractive Business Location: #5 (KPMG, March 2012)
  • Best Cities in America for Health and Happiness: #3 (EcoSalon, March 2012)
  • Fastest Growing Cities for Technology Jobs: #1 (Dice, March 2012)
  • Best Cities for Raising a Family: #5 (Forbes, April 2012 & 2015)
  • The Ten Best Cities for Newlyweds: #2 (Forbes.com, July 2012)
  • Best Places for Bargain Retirement Homes: #3 (Forbes.com, January 2011)
  • America's Most Wired Cities: #1 (Forbes.com, March 2010)
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In the 2016 Forbes List for "The Best Places For Business And Careers" Raleigh came in at number 3.
 
I can honestly say that the one thing you definitely don't need to worry about is the people. I worked in Georgia (also a southern state) for 2.5 years and the people basically drown you in kindness and it is the same in all the southern states. Both the Carolina's are absolutely stunning and some of the highest rated states in America to raise a family due to quality of life. If your wife is allowed to work on your visa I can guarantee you that she will find a job.
 
I would also agree to go try it out (you alone) for a few months, then let her and the kids come over for a holiday as well.

you will experience all the initial bumps, and sort things out as needed. If SO lands that side, and walks into an already warm home it will make things much smoother in the end.

that being said. Dont cut your ties on this side - rent out the house and keep it as backup.
 
JStrike said:
If you are not both excited for it, I would recommend against it. It will put a lot of strain on your relationship.

And have you actually been to North Carolina? It's not normally a place people choose to live...
Click to expand...

I spent some time in South Carolina and would move there in a heartbeat. NC isn't much different.
 
OP, having lived in different places in the world for many years, let me say this. If you don't go, you'll always wonder - "what if?" Life is too short for that... You can always come back, but don't even think about making a decision like that within 1-2 years of moving. You're unlikely to have the same lifestyle there as here. Too bad, remember who you're doing this for. Kids don't mind if you can now only eat out once every two weeks instead of once a week. At their age, a tiny house wouldn't make much difference either (almost ever new location I've ever moved to I had to stay in a tiny place upon arriving there). The SO will be the most impacted by the move, however, if she seems her kids are happy, she'll adapt also.

Again OP, life is too short for you to regret not going! Is the grass greener? Well, define greener...but is it worth going? Absolutely
 
Okay so lets take the actual destination out of this picture.

Is cold feet not just part of journey? Anyone else who has made the trek overseas, did you not have the same sort of feelings? I am really just hoping that this is the initial shock to the system response, and later she is going to warm up to the idea.

Can we speak to a support group of some kind? (We based in JHB)
 
VikashLurker said:
Okay so lets take the actual destination out of this picture.

Is cold feet not just part of journey? Anyone else who has made the trek overseas, did you not have the same sort of feelings? I am really just hoping that this is the initial shock to the system response, and later she is going to warm up to the idea.

Can we speak to a support group of some kind? (We based in JHB)
Click to expand...

Yup, just part of the journey. Once I committed to leaving the first time, I had my doubts...within 3 weeks of landing on the other side I had gotten over it. Second leaving (from the country I had emigrated to to another country), I had doubts only once I arrived on the other side. Was a very depressing first 3 months, but you adapt. The younger you are, the better.
 
Idiosyncratic said:
OP, having lived in different places in the world for many years, let me say this. If you don't go, you'll always wonder - "what if?" Life is too short for that... You can always come back, but don't even think about making a decision like that within 1-2 years of moving. You're unlikely to have the same lifestyle there as here. Too bad, remember who you're doing this for. Kids don't mind if you can now only eat out once every two weeks instead of once a week. At their age, a tiny house wouldn't make much difference either (almost ever new location I've ever moved to I had to stay in a tiny place upon arriving there). The SO will be the most impacted by the move, however, if she seems her kids are happy, she'll adapt also.

Again OP, life is too short for you to regret not going! Is the grass greener? Well, define greener...but is it worth going? Absolutely
Click to expand...

This is exactly how I feel. I know I will regret this if I do not give it my all. I expect a rollercoaster of emotions if we do go. An initial sense of euphoria for a short while experiencing the new culture and landscape, then a sense of regret when we start missing our old life and family. But from all the reading I've been doing, you got to over come and settle in and pull the line.

Something that I think I read on this here forum many moons back. Never emigrate because you running away from something, emigrate because you looking forward to new opportunities. That's kind of my attitude here.
 
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