Friends with an ex?

[Nick333]

Dono if I'm a real man or not but

Wife/GF/Sex slave > Friends

Sorry but if I'm put in a situasion where I have to choose, my wife wins. I was also the "Friends" first guy. But that changes as you grow wiser .

Maybe it's because I'm married and have kids but I have long ago out grown the Friends first thing. Although my friends and I have grown up together and we still see each other even the one chick I slept with but she's now married to another friend. Wife has no issues with it. But if she didn't approve I would still have chosen her above them.

Ex's are not worth it, and this guy just proved it again, his ex is coming before his new GF. He's not over her yet and hopes to get in her pants again in the future

Its not really a case of who comes first. Obviously there are times when your So should come first. You should be spending more time with your wife than your friends and your friends should respect your wife obviously.

Its about doing whats right in any given scenario. Some times your SO's going to be jealous and is going to try to control and/or change you to sooth their own insecurities. Allowing it is a recipe for disaster. You're not doing them any favours because it then becomes something they don' learn and grow from, and youre not doing yourself any favours because you're compromising your values.

Too many relationships become little havens for people to hide from the responsibility we have to grow as human beings as far as I'm concerned.

 

[apogeeza]

There is no such thing as an ex = friend.

Bull, Pit.

I'm friends with my ex. in fact we are better as frinds than as a couple. If your vocabulary is limited, please don't limit mine.

 

[Pitbull]

Bull, Pit.

I'm friends with my ex. in fact we are better as frinds than as a couple. If your vocabulary is limited, please don't limit mine.

Well it's pretty easy, either you still want to knob him/her or he/she still wants to knob you. That is the only reason it's working. If you couldn't live together as a couple, why is it going so nicely now ?

See what I'm saying

 

[Kitten]

Well it's pretty easy, either you still want to knob him/her or he/she still wants to knob you. That is the only reason it's working. If you couldn't live together as a couple, why is it going so nicely now ?

See what I'm saying

Pitbull not everything is about sex, i think some people are mature enough to look past that and realise that a friendship can mean a lot more than a pomp can! Seriously dude, sometimes when you can sit and talk to a person heart to heart its more than screwing them .. sometimes we need to learn to grow up we arent children anymore. sigh.

 

[Nanfeishen]

Do you have a problem with your SO being friends with one of their ex's? or do they have a problem with you being friends with one of your ex's? I find that I am friends with many people who have split up, and one of the peoples new partners wont allow that person out because their ex will be there. Do you think this is a problem? Surely its over, and being friends is not a problem?! or am I mad?!

The older we get the simpler these issues become, i am very good friends with 2 of my ex's, they are married to 2 of my very good friends as well, another 2 couples that are good friends of mine share commonality in that the man from 1 couple dated the woman from the other for many years, and are still good friends, there are no hangups from the wives or husbands about any of the past relationships.
Sometimes one realises that one is better being friends with someone than being lovers, and that to retain that quality friendship it is better to seperate and move on, in essence saving the friendship before the situation becomes ugly and there is a complete split and one losses a very good friend.
Those friendships that existed before any current partner, should never be compromised for the current partner, or ignored because the current partner doesnt approve. When partners start to put that sort of demand on your friendships, it is time to consider your relationship very, very carefully.
Partners come and go, good friends are forever.

 

[Kitten]

The older we get the simpler these issues become, i am very good friends with 2 of my ex's, they are married to 2 of my very good friends as well, another 2 couples that are good friends of mine share commonality in that the man from 1 couple dated the woman from the other for many years, and are still good friends, there are no hangups from the wives or husbands about any of the past relationships.
Sometimes one realises that one is better being friends with someone than being lovers, and that to retain that quality friendship it is better to seperate and move on, in essence saving the friendship before the situation becomes ugly and there is a complete split and one losses a very good friend.
Those friendships that existed before any current partner, should never be compromised for the current partner, or ignored because the current partner doesnt approve. When partners start to put that sort of demand on your friendships, it is time to consider your relationship very, very carefully.
Partners come and go, good friends are forever.

Said very well, partners do come and go and I learnt that the hard way. Friends are there forever, and are there to see you through losing different partners.

 

[skoob]

My ex and I are still friends. We will have the occasional chat to find out how things are going, but that's about it. I wouldn't do the whole going out for drinks thing though. I'm not sure if any of his girlfriends knew that he still kept in contact with me.

 

[koeks]

why friends now?

Well it's pretty easy, either you still want to knob him/her or he/she still wants to knob you. That is the only reason it's working. If you couldn't live together as a couple, why is it going so nicely now ?

See what I'm saying

my thoughts exactly....
when you are in a relationship, you should be friends with your SO,

a lot of people will agree that their SO is like their friend, so i don't see why if the friendship didn't workout while you were in a relationship will work when you are no longer in one...

 

[arf9999]

I dunno, i have never actually been able to stay proper good friends with an ex, there was always something on the table....

..and on the couch, kitchen counter, shower, back seat of the car, ...

 

[guest2013-1]

Do you have a problem with your SO being friends with one of their ex's? or do they have a problem with you being friends with one of your ex's? I find that I am friends with many people who have split up, and one of the peoples new partners wont allow that person out because their ex will be there. Do you think this is a problem? Surely its over, and being friends is not a problem?! or am I mad?!

You're not mad, but many people have the "ex can't be a friend" stance. Same happened with my ex. Brilliant together as friends, but she figured it's best to cut that out of her life instead because of the whole past thing.

Some people just can't grow up and be mature enough about these things. I'm glad some people exist out there that thinks the same way I do

 

[koeks]

You're not mad, but many people have the "ex can't be a friend" stance. Same happened with my ex. Brilliant together as friends, but she figured it's best to cut that out of her life instead because of the whole past thing.

Some people just can't grow up and be mature enough about these things. I'm glad some people exist out there that thinks the same way I do

she still wanted you bro...

 

[thatdamnJoe]

Wrong.

I've been through this myself, I have also seen friend being through the exact same thing. It doesn't work, never has never will.

So is it better to have your SO stay with you because they chose you or because of a lack of options?

 

[guest2013-1]

she still wanted you bro...

why do you say that?

 

[koeks]

why do you say that?

your girl still wanted you and the though of being stuck i the friendship zone was just killing her. so hence she broke all ties...

why did you two break up in the first place? who broke up with who?

 

[Darshur]

Being friends with an ex is not a good idea, and being friends with ur friends ex is even worst!, speaking frm experience

 

[Voicy]

Depends how close they are. I am on a friendly terms with 2 of my exes but i don't speak to them all the time. I hear from them every 3 months or so. I think that's normal and acceptable.

One always wants more than the other...

Then just move on. Seriously you are letting yourself in for allot of problems down the line.

Exactly.

like pitbull said... one of them has hope...

See?

If his new girl has been hurt by previous boyfriends cheating on her or something similar then this would be very rational to her in her world. He'll just have to choose.

You need to make a conscious decision who you are going to take preference over...because there WILL be a day when you will have to choose and if one of them isn't sure where they stand with you - there will be much pain and awkwardness...