Friends with an ex?

[Pitbull]

basically 2 friends of mine split up because they fought all the time, and want to remain friends and go out with the group. Now, the ones new partner has said he may not do anything with the group if his ex will be there (her new partner is totally fine with it). Surely, 2 adults can realise they dont work as a couple and move forward, like adults?!

Humans = Animals

No matter how you try and candy coat it, 2 males, one mate = Aggression.

That is the fact of life, might not be coming from both parties involved but one of them will be the aggressor. That is how the world works.

 

[Geriatrix]

This mate of mine phoned me this morning to say he will not be attending our get together as his SO has said he is not allowed. I thought omg, NOT ALLOWED?! since when can we not make our own choices!

Childish and controlling imho. Good luck to them with that.

 

[Pitbull]

K@k bru.

I can understand why someone would be jealous or threatened by a friendship between their SO and an ex but that doesnt mean its right.

You shouldnt be trying to control who your gf/bf is friends with. Even if you do think you have a reason to be worried.

People need to grow up and realise that healthy relationships can only exist between two people who want to be together.

Wrong.

I've been through this myself, I have also seen friend being through the exact same thing. It doesn't work, never has never will.

 

[Kitten]

If your partner is so easily convinced to do something with another person that you are afraid of letting them go out, do you genuinely want to be with that person? I don't want to be with the type of person who might stray if they go out with the wrong person, no way ... I know I would never do that, so I wouldnt be with someone I need to control in order to keep them with me.

 

[bwana]

This mate of mine phoned me this morning to say he will not be attending our get together as his SO has said he is not allowed. I thought omg, NOT ALLOWED?! since when can we not make our own choices!

But he has made his choice even though you might not agree with it.

 

[Pitbull]

If your partner is so easily convinced to do something with another person that you are afraid of letting them go out, do you genuinely want to be with that person? I don't want to be with the type of person who might stray if they go out with the wrong person, no way ... I know I would never do that, so I wouldnt be with someone I need to control in order to keep them with me.

I think your are not viewing the total picture here.

Let's see how people break up, one breaks up with another for whatever reason. One wanted out, one still wanted in. Now the one who wanted out will always be happy if the one who wanted in is part of a set gathering. However the one who still wanted in but moved on in this case will still think he/she can make it work.

That is always the case. Unless both of them wanted out but never said anything till one day one of them said ok I'm out and the other was happy because they wanted out but didn't want to say anything first.

The second part is very very very rare.

 

[Jewelbox]

If it is easier to go back to your ex than moving on, then you should'nt be in your current relationship.

 

[Kitten]

But he has made his choice even though you might not agree with it.

I made this post because when he phoned to say he would not be attending, he said he can't deal with the fact that she won't let him see friends, do things that she feels threatening, etc ... he asked my opinion, and I thought before I go and open my trap I should find some other views. He wants to keep her but at the same time wants his space to see friends, go out etc ... we all go out as a group, now telling one they cant come because the other is is simply not right imo.

 

[Waaib]

basically 2 friends of mine split up because they fought all the time, and want to remain friends and go out with the group. Now, the ones new partner has said he may not do anything with the group if his ex will be there (her new partner is totally fine with it). Surely, 2 adults can realise they dont work as a couple and move forward, like adults?!

The issue here is what is more important to the people involved. Being friends with the group or being in love with each other? Tough choices but they have to be made sometimes. If he wants to be with her then he may have to choose.

 

[Pitbull]

I made this post because when he phoned to say he would not be attending, he said he can't deal with the fact that she won't let him see friends, do things that she feels threatening, etc ... he asked my opinion, and I thought before I go and open my trap I should find some other views. He wants to keep her but at the same time wants his space to see friends, go out etc ... we all go out as a group, now telling one they cant come because the other is is simply not right imo.

There is a reason police don't get involved in civil and domestic disputes I suggest you rather keep your trap shut no matter what we or anyone else says

 

[koeks]

If it is easier to go back to your ex than moving on, then you should'nt be in your current relationship.

relationship are not governed by law and science, they are governed by hormones and feelings....

so jewel that might be the case, but how many times have people been in relationships that don't mean anything to them...

 

[chiskop]

Humans = Animals

No matter how you try and candy coat it, 2 males, one mate = Aggression.

Rofl. All of my friends are human. Perhaps you should reconsider your friends?

 

[Kitten]

It has nothing to do with keeping my trap shut, when someone asks me something I give a reply ... I am not afraid to speak my mind. I however don't want to hurt what could potentially be a good relationship (it is still new atm).

 

[Pitbull]

Rofl. All of my friends are human. Perhaps you should reconsider your friends?

You know what I meant.

Instinct and hormones > Rational thought.

 

[chiskop]

You know what I meant.

Instinct and hormones > Rational thought.

Yes, I do know what you mean. But I don't agree with it.

Among my friends Rational thought > Instinct and hormones*. It's a part of growing up.



*In most cases.

 

[Waaib]

It has nothing to do with keeping my trap shut, when someone asks me something I give a reply ... I am not afraid to speak my mind. I however don't want to hurt what could potentially be a good relationship (it is still new atm).

If his new girl has been hurt by previous boyfriends cheating on her or something similar then this would be very rational to her in her world. He'll just have to choose.

 

[koeks]

You know what I meant.

Instinct and hormones > Rational thought.

thank you pitbull

 

[Nick333]

Wrong.

I've been through this myself, I have also seen friend being through the exact same thing. It doesn't work, never has never will.

I can think of couple situations where its worked fine.

Slightly off topic, but imo real men suck **** up and behave in a manner consistant with everones best interest and happiness. Admitedly there is shortage of real men these days but I dont thinks its that unlikely that a woman might have one as and ex/friend and a boyfriend at the same time.

 

[Pitbull]

Yes, I do know what you mean. But I don't agree with it.

Among my friends Rational thought > Instinct and hormones*. It's a part of growing up.



*In most cases.

You have supernatural friends then

Seriously, when it comes to woman all rational thought goes out the window. I have seen grown men old enough to be grand parents fight over a woman before.

It's mother nature at her best.

 

[Lino]

Been there done that! Does not always work.

I am still friends with my first ex however we are both on mutual grounds. My second ex couldn't just be friends with me so I broke off contact.

My current fiance', when we first started dating, she was a bit concerned what her ex's friends would think etc. Until eventually I layered it down, her ex's friends or me.

Sometimes one has to do these things I am afraid.